Its been a minute....

Well I'm back and a little more anxious than the last time I posted. I am basically at the 1 month countdown and I am full of mixed emotions. Nervous mostly I think but I am going in for surgery so how is that not nerve wracking. I'm very excited too and cant wait to start living my new life. Its going to take a ton of getting used to. I have put on a little bit of weight since my last post. I have been baking allot because we went apple picking and I have just been in the mood to create things so food always hits the top of the list on creating. I have also been keeping busy creating for my etsy shop which is allot of fun. I have my next appointment on Thursday. I hope to get my surgery date then. It would be really nice to be able to go in and come out with a date so I can start setting up time off of work. Plus two of my good friends from when I was in the Navy myself are coming to visit at the end of October, so it would be nice to have a plan to go off of. So right now just getting ready to count down the days. hope you all have had a fun September! until next time.

Seperation Anxiety

Sorry I have been gone for so long but family is in town at the moment. Over the last couple of months my husband and I were doing great with our food choices and working out. I still felt that I needed a little extra help so as you all know by now I started in my lap band journey. As the approximate time for my surgery comes closer I feel almost like I am losing a huge part of my life. Well in reality I am. My weight and food has been in control of most everything I have ever done to clothes that I have bought to if I sleep for 5 more minutes in the morning. In the last week I have made some horrible food choices and have unfortunately gained 6lbs in the process. I know that after I get my band I physically wont be able to eat allot of things but that is something I am more than willing to give up because I don't want to be this way forever I do want to be healthy, but for some reason this fear has just crawled into my head and is nesting there and all my husband can see is "well she is getting the surgery so she must think it's a fix everything and she is pigging out." It is very frustrating trying to explain this to a person who has never had issues with food and being overweight and who's entire family is so thin the wind can blow them away. He thinks that by sure will power alone an addiction can be overcome. I know it's almost stupid seeing my being fat as a kinda addiction but I do. So as I see it you can fully remove an alcoholic or a coke addict from the substance of there downfall but every person on earth needs food to survive. I suffer from the hardest addiction on the planet to overcome. How do I explain all the feeling that go along with that and how going through the surgery that I want so bad to help improve every part of my life is making me feel? I wish I had some damn readers to give me some perspective other than my own :( But if you do read this have a great weekend. I will be trying to squeeze myself into an itsy bitsy bathing suit at an indoor water park. :/

Up, Up and Away!

Ok it has been about a week since my last post and allot has taken place. I have had three appointments for my surgery. I am going to over all three of them in this post for you.

On the 31rst I had my psych eval which seemed like a giant begging session. The doctor that I had brought me into his office and the first thing he said to me was "we recently had a staff member die from a surgery like this, what do you think of that? ". So right from the start I feel like this is just going to be a battle with this doctor for him not to see if I am fit to get this surgery but for him to get past his bias. Other than that aspect the appointment went well I guess. we went over my weight history, such as diet and exercise and how many things and times I have tried to diet. If I have food craving and how I handle them. Also a big one is how I handle and deal with change. He also found that I am very iron deficient and haven't been treated for it. I had some blood work done just over a year ago for something else and was only given part of the results and the low iron was never addressed. I have been started on iron pills and a pre-natal vitamin because they are a more well rounded vitamin for a woman. So i haven't gotten a yes or no from him yet and he had a ton of blood taken from me to run more labs. I will see him again on the 7th.

My 2nd appointment was with my surgeon. The doctor that will have his hands inside my precious insides. Ok so it will be a scope and not his hands but he will being doing my surgery. He is a good guy and a little wacky. he has done this surgery enough times that i feel very comfortable with him. My husband went with me to this one and while we waited we played with the lap band display in the exam room. He came in and weighed me and felt around my stomach because i have had both my gallbladder and my appendix taken out and went over the basics of the surgery. He said that being that I do have low iron levels the lap band is the surgery to go with and that I should have good success. I very simple and straight forward appointment. I go back to see him on the 30th of this month after I see all of the other appointments.

Lastly today I had my fitness eval. It was more of a what we want to see you do than what can you do. The place that I went to was a physical therapy clinic and the lady who worked with me was awesome! She set me up with a great program to start with and to develop along the way. She did kinda kick my butt though. I did a mile and a half fast paced walk some arm and leg weights and some intense stretching. I know, I know "weren't you in the navy?" yep and now I'm fat and trying to get healthy again. That's why I'm here posting all this stuff.

I will be back with more updates and let you know how things go from here on out. Chow for now