17 September 2010

Seperation Anxiety

Sorry I have been gone for so long but family is in town at the moment. Over the last couple of months my husband and I were doing great with our food choices and working out. I still felt that I needed a little extra help so as you all know by now I started in my lap band journey. As the approximate time for my surgery comes closer I feel almost like I am losing a huge part of my life. Well in reality I am. My weight and food has been in control of most everything I have ever done to clothes that I have bought to if I sleep for 5 more minutes in the morning. In the last week I have made some horrible food choices and have unfortunately gained 6lbs in the process. I know that after I get my band I physically wont be able to eat allot of things but that is something I am more than willing to give up because I don't want to be this way forever I do want to be healthy, but for some reason this fear has just crawled into my head and is nesting there and all my husband can see is "well she is getting the surgery so she must think it's a fix everything and she is pigging out." It is very frustrating trying to explain this to a person who has never had issues with food and being overweight and who's entire family is so thin the wind can blow them away. He thinks that by sure will power alone an addiction can be overcome. I know it's almost stupid seeing my being fat as a kinda addiction but I do. So as I see it you can fully remove an alcoholic or a coke addict from the substance of there downfall but every person on earth needs food to survive. I suffer from the hardest addiction on the planet to overcome. How do I explain all the feeling that go along with that and how going through the surgery that I want so bad to help improve every part of my life is making me feel? I wish I had some damn readers to give me some perspective other than my own :( But if you do read this have a great weekend. I will be trying to squeeze myself into an itsy bitsy bathing suit at an indoor water park. :/

No comments:

Post a Comment