Showing posts with label therapy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label therapy. Show all posts

13 March 2011

Green Tea And The Easy Way Out

I love tea. I used to be addicted to coffee for a couple of years. At one point I was up to 4 Venti size Starbucks coffees a day with 4 espresso shots in each one. Talk about a waist of money! I would spend $20 plus a day just on coffee.
I was brought up to drink tea. So once I weened myself off the coffee I went back to drinking tea. Hot Chi tea, black iced tea, gogi berry green tea, honey vanilla chamomile. Here is my tea stock right now. Its only 9 boxes.


My love is now strictly with tea. Add a little squeeze of honey and you have a perfect cup of tea. I recently heard that green tea is great for weight loss. I did a little reading and found some facts to back up the claim. More info here So I think I will try to drink more of my green tea then. I have a citrus green tea and a gogi pomegranate green tea. Very tasty. I did read for any benefit you nee to drink 3-5 cups a day. This should be a tasty experiment. :)

I debated weather or not to post today. This from being just disgusted with my progress, but that would have been the easy way out. And lots of times you will see a blog go silent because the person behind it doesn't want to talk about there lack of progress. Then they come back and say that exact thing. So here I am skipping a step. I am not happy with my progress. I saw that 299 and kinda went nuts I think. (as nuts as you can get with a band) I decided to let my gym anxiety get the best of my and found a reason not to go more then twice last week. I thought it was a good idea to eat 3 dunkin doughnut muffins in one day. I also thought it was a good idea to eat dessert after having a heavy calorie ridden meal. I stopped preparing my meals for the next day. I let myself think it was ok because "I would have eaten a ton more pre-band". I am getting back on track tomorrow. I don't want to be one of those people that is always getting back on track. If I had known how hard this would have been before getting banded I don't know if I would have done it. I am glad that I didn't know though because now I am here with 1/3 of my extra weight gone. It scares me to death that I will fail and end up back were I was. I am so sick of failing. It seems to be all I can see in myself lately.

That brings me to another topic. (bare with me this is getting to be a lengthy post) My husband told me he has noticed that the only thing I am happy about with myself lately is my weight loss. I have a huge lack of self esteem. I have always had issues with low self esteem and that is one of the things I went over with my therapist last year. My issues with self esteem started very young. I have always been really tall, so that started it. Then I got heavy and was always on a diet imposed on me by others. My weight has always been an issue for many parts of my family and they all put their 2 cents in about it.

anyway this is leading to the fact that he said being proud of myself doesn't have to come from a huge achievement. When I choose a rice cake over chocolate or carrots over french fries. He in his own way told me how proud of me he was and that I should give myself more credit. I am going to try and live up to the woman he sees in me. He has always made me be a better person just by being with me. So back to the self improvement drawing boards and build that self esteem.

Also we bought a new table this weekend after Thursdays kitty kung fu incident. Here is what we got. It's a nice counter height for my tallness.

I hope you all have a great day :)
*HUGS*

09 March 2011

Anxiety Foot

I wanted to expand on my post earlier now that I have more time tonight. I would like to know if any of you ever get this way.

Sometimes the thought of going to workout makes me so nervous that I just want to run back home and hide under the covers. Never before have I ever gotten this nervous about working out. I don't know if its because I don't want to go work out or its because I think people are watching me. I just don't know. I hate getting so much anxiety over such a simple thing as going to work out. Once I get going I don't care about anything except what I'm doing and I know once I get to it I am glad to be doing it. I don't understand where the feelings are coming from. I used to have issues with crowds. I would get an anxiety attack and have to leave the area and allot of the time leave and go home. So these feelings are not new but the context is. I would really like to get to the bottom of it.
Also I am starting to doubt myself. I am self sabotaging. I do well at work and when I'm with the hubby, then I sneak food. I can't eat near as much as I could pre-band (thankfully) but the effect is still the same. Shame and self hatred, along with having so much food in me that I fell sick. I think as the weight comes off issues that I have subconsciously are coming to the forefront even if I can't recognize them yet. Old issues that have bit me in the butt in the past that I have just buried and not delt with. Thankfully with all the sabotage I have not gained, but I have not lost anymore either. I am hovering between 302 and 299. I love seeing that 2 and to keep it I think I am going to have to go back to therapy to deal with my issues. That in and of itself is a scary anxiety filled decision. I have done it before and would recommend it to anyone thinking about going. It has helped me a ton in the past and I am hoping it will help me a ton in the future.

I did not end up going to the gym today. I had an appointment that I totally forgot about. This might gross some people out. Warning given. I have a good handful of warts on the bottom of my left foot. They are getting to the point that they hurt to walk on. I went to see the doctor today to get them scrapped. I don't how many of you have ever had a wart scrapped but holy mother of golf balls it hurts. It took about 10 minutes and most of the time I head my head back and my eyes shut trying to ignore the pain as this guy took a scalpel to my foot to take skin off. After a few silent tear were shed I went limping out of the office and not able to put pressure on the toes or ball of my foot. I was not able to work out today. After the day I had at work today I really needed to workout. This whole thing sucked that thought out of my head real quick. Hopefully my foot will be in better shape tomorrow.
OK have a good night everyone and thanks for listening to my rambling.
*HUGS*