09 March 2011

Anxiety Foot

I wanted to expand on my post earlier now that I have more time tonight. I would like to know if any of you ever get this way.

Sometimes the thought of going to workout makes me so nervous that I just want to run back home and hide under the covers. Never before have I ever gotten this nervous about working out. I don't know if its because I don't want to go work out or its because I think people are watching me. I just don't know. I hate getting so much anxiety over such a simple thing as going to work out. Once I get going I don't care about anything except what I'm doing and I know once I get to it I am glad to be doing it. I don't understand where the feelings are coming from. I used to have issues with crowds. I would get an anxiety attack and have to leave the area and allot of the time leave and go home. So these feelings are not new but the context is. I would really like to get to the bottom of it.
Also I am starting to doubt myself. I am self sabotaging. I do well at work and when I'm with the hubby, then I sneak food. I can't eat near as much as I could pre-band (thankfully) but the effect is still the same. Shame and self hatred, along with having so much food in me that I fell sick. I think as the weight comes off issues that I have subconsciously are coming to the forefront even if I can't recognize them yet. Old issues that have bit me in the butt in the past that I have just buried and not delt with. Thankfully with all the sabotage I have not gained, but I have not lost anymore either. I am hovering between 302 and 299. I love seeing that 2 and to keep it I think I am going to have to go back to therapy to deal with my issues. That in and of itself is a scary anxiety filled decision. I have done it before and would recommend it to anyone thinking about going. It has helped me a ton in the past and I am hoping it will help me a ton in the future.

I did not end up going to the gym today. I had an appointment that I totally forgot about. This might gross some people out. Warning given. I have a good handful of warts on the bottom of my left foot. They are getting to the point that they hurt to walk on. I went to see the doctor today to get them scrapped. I don't how many of you have ever had a wart scrapped but holy mother of golf balls it hurts. It took about 10 minutes and most of the time I head my head back and my eyes shut trying to ignore the pain as this guy took a scalpel to my foot to take skin off. After a few silent tear were shed I went limping out of the office and not able to put pressure on the toes or ball of my foot. I was not able to work out today. After the day I had at work today I really needed to workout. This whole thing sucked that thought out of my head real quick. Hopefully my foot will be in better shape tomorrow.
OK have a good night everyone and thanks for listening to my rambling.


  1. Awww, I think you just need a big ol' hug. *HUG*

    I have anxiety issues too, I'm constantly worried about what people think of me and such, it drives me crazy but I'm trying to get better about it.

    Sorry about your foot, I hope it feels better soon!

  2. oh I am so sorry..I remember the foot scraping thing. I have had them before.

    I think you may be approaching some crucial place in your head. I know I Have hit several...places where normally I would have given up and turned tail back to my fat self but with the band and some rare recognition (never happened before)..I managed to figure it out and move past them.

    Keep pushing at it..you are doing great!!!


  3. Hope your foot is feeling better. I wonder if your issues are coming up because you aren;t using food to suppress them so much? I have a friend who lost a huge amount of weight, and a year later, headed off to therapy. She said she thought that losing weight would get rid of her problems, but all it did was expose them. It helped her a lot, and I think it's really helped her stay at goal. I'm sure this is a blip and you'll do great!

  4. OH HELL NO! They couldn't just freeze them off? OY. Sorry. I didn't totally miss the whole point.

    I definitely think we ALL need at least some therapy after this whole process, if we want to make sure and keep it off for the rest of our lives. Not sure where I would even start if I were to try to get it. :(

  5. Crap the warts alone would have me not wanting to workout! i do get that way when I know others will be around when I workout. I guess until we get smaller it will always be that way. Good luck and I hope the foot feels better

  6. It sounds to me like you are already working through the issues that have caused you to quit in the past! I don't know if you need to see a therapist or not, but it couldn't hurt to talk about it with someone. Sneaking food and hidden eating is a pretty common issue here in Bandland. I do it less and less as time passes. Having good restriction helps, as does really embracing the idea of eating for the health of your body. I know you'll get there.

  7. I have the same prob on my left foot! What started out as a small tiny pin prick of a plantar wart is now a whole gaggle of them!! I used the seed wart remover from dr scholls faithfully for like 2 months and thought they were gone so stopped using them and now they're back! I had an appt two weeks ago with a podiatrist to get those and my horrible horrible ingrown toe nail looked at but I ended up having to cancel because of work. I really need to get something scheduled again... and now that I heard about your incident I am scared! lol Mine when they get bad are VERY painful to walk on too!