Frustration!

Sorry this might get a little whinny... The scale is not moving! (in the direction I want it to). I have been on the scale every morning (begin scolding) and I finally thought I was going to drop below 31lbs. I was only .2lb away! .2!!! Then this morning I step on the scale and I am up 2lbs...not .2 away from were I want to be, but 2 whole freaking lbs more. I have started working out again. I have worked out almost every day! 30-40 of cardio and I am also doing a little for my arms, and I have added in a little yoga. I am eating how I am supposed to and the amount I am supposed to. No go though :( I know it probably has allot to do with the fact that Aunt Flow is here but it's so frustrating to go through surgery and lose the majority of my weight pre-op so far! I am seriously thinking I am going to have to cut back to only 1000cals a day again like I was doing for pre-op. It's just so annoying that I have gone through surgery and am still at a stand still! I thought that part of my life was over. I thought that having to struggle with working out and eating almost nothing was over! I don't know what to do anymore. This fill doesn't seem to be working at all and I have to wait another 2 weeks to go for another fill. I know it might be a little aggressive to get another fill already but I am just at my wits end. I will wait till next week to make any decisions, till after my visitor is gone. My whole life this has been an issue and now I thought it was going to be a little easier. It just seems harder to me because I'm getting frustrated and am stuck. I am terrified that I will gain that 31lbs backs. I'm terrified that I went through all of this to still fail.

All In My Head...Fill !!

Drum roll please......I got my first fill today!!! 3.5cc's. I will admit you were all right, it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. I did get a quick shot of nausea right as he started filling the band, but easy sailing after that. The doc said that if I feel like I need another fill I can come in again in 2 weeks. So we will see how things go from here. He did not put me on a liquid diet for a couple of days so I will chew chew chew dinner tonight and hope for the best :) ...next topic... For those of you who have read a little ways back on my blog, you will know that I auditioned for the Biggest Loser season 11. Obviously I didn't make it on the show or else you would be watching me on TV now instead of reading my blog. All of us fat kids had to stand in the pouring rain for 4hrs to even get inside. I went in that audition room and met the casting staff and walked back out knowing I wouldn't get a spot on the show. The whole time not thinking anything about why I was actually there. I know why I was there, but it all seemed like a game. For some of those people there it wasn't a game though. To put it in perspective, I was one of the smallest people there. One of the smallest!!! and I have to lose 119 more pounds, after losing 30lbs!! I missed season 10 because I just never was watching TV at the time it was on. So I watched the season 11 premier and decided to watch season 10. So last night I was watching the premier for season 10 while I was on the elliptical. I honestly didn't think I would get as motivated as I did watching it. (proud moment for me) Then it struck home for me when the military wife came on, not just because we have that in common but because of what she said. Her husband tells her he thinks she is beautiful but she doesn't believe him. Logically she knows he thinks that but her self esteem is so low about herself that she can only think he is lieing to her...I cried...I have been there so many times. I know my husband thinks I'm beautiful the way I am, but all I hear inside my head is "he's lieing to make you feel better". It's all in my head though. I took that and ran (literally) with it. Promising myself that I will be that wife he sees. I am now watching the season 10 episode while I work out. I need all the motivation I can get.

Home from work again.

So I am home sick again today, my headache and body aches just don't want to seem to go away. My animals are so cute. They must sense that I'm not feeling well because they haven't left my side. My 2 cats will lay on top of me or snug up against me and my doxin lays between my legs the whole time. I love those furry little love bugs! Since I'm not feeling great I decided it was a crock pot day. I took some frozen shrimp, onion, mushroom, garlic and a packet of mild taco seasoning with a little water and put it in there. Now all hubby has to do is make himself some rice and there's dinner. I will not be having rice of course. Even though I'm not feeling the greatest I am still going to go get my fill tomorrow. I see no need on putting it off. I am still eating ok so I'm not to worried about it. UPDATE ALERT! I start at Columbia College on March 22nd (i think that's the date). I am just taking my general studies right now. Since it's all accelerated courses I can take 2 classes at a time and be considered a full time student. So bring on the GI Bill please! Also I wanted to apologize for not keeping up with everyone over the last week or so. things have been a little hectic around here. I am doing my catching up today though :) p.s. This is what I am seting as my goal to do, It's called the Warrior Dash. It's a run with obstacles. So when I get into my "good shape" status this is what I have to look forward to! go the website out, it looks amazing!

Good morning everyone, I'm sorry I haven't been posting as much the last couple of days. I usually post early in the morning at work but things have been unusual you could say. I started my workouts again like I had told you and they are going good. 30mins on the elliptical and some good old stretching after that. My deit has still been kinda naughty. So I have not lost anymore. I did post in on an earlier date that I get my first fill on Friday this week. I am having some issues with insurance right now that are stupid to me that it's an issue. I had an approved referral from my insurance for the surgery but not the fills that are required to make the surgery work! So I have to get that taken care of as well. The surgeon office couldn't tell me though if the referral gap would make it so I have to pay out of pockets. On another note though I am nervous about my fill. I am in the medical field and I don't mind getting my blood drawn or IV's but getting a needle in the stomach doesn't sound like my idea of fun. I am feeling like poop this morning too. I'm a little nauseous feeling and my head is killing me. I woke up this morning just completely exhausted and it has morphed into this. My cheeks feel like they are on fire as well, I don't have a fever though. So I might be going home from work today. We have had allot of really sick patients the last couple weeks and I think I finally might have caught something. That's all there is from me today. I will post again soon. :)

First Fill?.....Order Up!!!

Welcome to 2011, It's so crazy I haven't posted anything since last year! (har har har, I crack myself up ). Well I surprisingly did not gain anything over the holidays like I had expected. I am hovering between 30 - 31lbs, which is perfectly good for me. I had my second follow up with my surgeon (who I now think is a turd) I am supposed to get my first fill this week some time. It's going to be done under flouro (sp) so I have to wait to hear when the hospital has an opening. I will get back to you all when I know a specific date. Then I am starting to work out again today. I'm not going overboard or anything. We have an elliptical in the upstairs bedroom so low resistance and a slower than normal pace to work myself up to a good workout. Then in February I am going to add into that a night of yoga and a personal trainer once a week for a month to start out. So now that I am back on track with my eating I foresee 60lbs down by May 7th ( my 6yr anniversary) no problem. I am hoping to reach the 50lb mark by the beginning of March. I have my appointment with Columbia College tomorrow afternoon so I will keep you posted on that as well. I hope everyone had a great New Years celebration! Until next time *Hugs*