Holy Post Batman

I am sittin pretty in the 200's!! I am down to 295.6 as of this morning! Not to shabby from 300 last weekend. I am ssooo happy the scale is moving again.This puts me 5.4lbs away from my anniversary goal. I have till May 7th to lose that so I think I am doing pretty well on that goal right now. I am trying to be down to 280lbs before the end of June when we go to Oregon to see his family. That might be a long stretch but if I keep up what I'm doing then I think I will be fine.

I think I am starting to develop a normal relationship with food. Sunday we went to panera for breakfast (at about 1100) I got a spinach and bacon souffle. My hubby had a couple of bites and I ate the rest. I didn't feel bad about it and I didn't go crazy the rest the day either. It was relatively small though to. Band sized :) I went on with my day and drank plenty of water and had a low cal pita pizza for lunch and some yummy chicken for dinner. I felt good about my eating. Even if I did have some gummy bears too. It was all appropriately sized and healthy. I am starting to understand that no foods are truly bad foods. Just the consumption behind them. I still want to eat the "bad" foods but as long as I keep them in check I'm good. I didn't think I would be at this point of understanding so soon after surgery. I know I will still struggle and have off weeks, but hey I'm only human.

I didn't work out last week. I know bad right? Well I truly don't know any more. I spent the majority of March working my butt off at the gym and gained 2-3lbs I stopped last week to get my schedule under control and lost almost 4lbs! Some things are beyond my understanding and this is one of those things. Also I have noticed I have to work out. Before surgery I had problems with muscle pain so bad I was medicating 3-4 times a day. It was in the back of my legs up to the bottom of my butt. I noticed as the weight came off the pain went away. It turns out that the exercise was the reason I was not having pain anymore. After this week of not working out I had to take medication yesterday to help with the pain in my legs. Did anyone else get to that point? Were your muscles were so under used they physically hurt? I think the damage left over from being so overweight is going to cause issue with that for a while. I am working out today after I see my surgeon. I am very much looking forward to it.

This is turning into a long post so I will wrap it up soon.

I have a fill appointment today I don't think I'm going to ask for to much. maybe a half CC. I think I am almost at my sweet spot. I don't want to over do it and have to have to much taken out.

Until next time my dears.

*HUGS*

A Fill Is In Order

Yesterday we went to Texas De Brazil and it wasn't worth it. I had a good time and the food was amazing but the overall experience wasn't worth it to me any more. I was able to eat way to much. I don't know were Phylis (my band) went for the night. Then afterword I felt like crap cause I was so overfull that I wanted to puke! I would say a fill is defiantly in order. Thankfully it was mostly protein. Carbs is what really kills me but holy crap I still cant believe I ate that much. I don't think I have consumed that much in one sitting since pre-band. I have an appointment in 1 week to get a fill. I am looking forward to it.

I am going to try my hardest not to weight myself again till next Saturday morning and see how this week goes. One I don't want to see how bad last night went and 2 I just need to give the scale a break. Stepping on it everyday isn't good for anyone.

Well it's Monday again and I have to head off to work. Hope you all have a great day!
*HUGS*

Crouching Kitty, Hidden Chocolate

I finally went to the gym again yesterday! It felt so good! I burnt 786 cals on the treadmill. and I'm not sure how much I did on the row machine, but I did 500meters for a cool down. My left foot thankfully adapts to pressure by the end of the day so I could do what I wanted. I got to take my time and just go at my own pace. Again though that dread snuck up on me on the way to the gym. I also got so tired that I had to fight every bone in my body not to fall asleep while I was driving!. I even had to pump myself up sitting in the car in the parking lot to walk in the front door. It was nice to see other heavier ladies there. Even if only in the locker room  : /

After the gym I came home and was cleaning up some stuff in the kitchen. I heard this super loud crash! I turned around and somehow my 4lb cat knocked over and shattered my glass top dinning table!! How the hell does that happen! So I spent about 40 minutes cleaning that all up and have to go shopping for a new table this weekend. Overall I'm not to heartbroken about it because I get a new table but cleaning up all that glass was a nightmare.

Also yesterday my husband got a pretty nice award from his command (work) and I got to go to that. I have never had the chance to go for an award ceremony of his before in the almost 6yrs we have been together. It was really awesome! I was able to get pictures and be all proud of him. Then got thanked for coming by his commanding officer (that's always awkward for me.) He was awarded another ribbon as well during the ceremony. He was given a NAM (navy achievement medal). This brings him up to 2. He is such a good sailor! To kinda celebrate because a friend of ours that he works with got an award to we all went to red lobster. I got a cup of lobster bisque soup and a half pound of crab legs (underwhelming btw, it turned out to be maybe 1/4 cup of meat). I also had 2 biscuits and half of a chocolate lava cookie with ice cream. The cookie had a hidden giant melt of chocolate on the inside! Holy mother of god it was nirvana on a plate. I think I might need another fill. It made me glad I worked out. I'm so glad I don't eat like that all the time. I would be 350lbs again.

It was a good day though and I am looking forward to furniture shopping this weekend. So thank you kitty! (the cats name the broke the table is Mr. Monster...appropriate?)

So have I hope everyone has a great weekend and while I am arguing with my husband about which table to get I will be thinking of you all and wishing I was here.

*HUGS*



My poor broken table :(



Fill Warrior

Well I didn't get all the fill I wanted but I got most of it. I asked for a full cc but my surgeon didn't feel comfortable being out of town for the weekend. So I said lets compromise and do 0.7cc fill. He agreed so I am at 5.2cc in my 10cc band. I could defiantly feel the difference. For dinner I made mini ground turkey covered mushrooms and a bow tie pasta. I had to chew so much my jaw felt like it was going to fall off. When I went to bed at 10:00pm I still felt satisfied though. Then this morning I got full off of 18oz of water. Fingers crossed that this does the job!! A little weirdness...before I ate when I was making dinner I did feel a tad bit nauseous. It went away pretty quickly though. I know allot of people aren't as comfortable as I am being so aggressive with the fills but I only have insurance approval though July to get them done. I know I will have to go back eventually in the future to get adjusted, but hey dive in head first right? :D So for the last couple weeks you have had to hear me bitch and complain about the scale not moving and how I am not losing any weight. How I struggled for that 1.6lb loss this week. Apparently from the 19th of January until today I have lost 12lbs! It was a huge surprise because I thought I hadn't been losing very well. My surgeon was more than pleased with my progress and said I was actually losing faster then he aimed for. I will shut my trap and take the 12lbs with dignity and stop saying "well I could be doing better". Hell I don't even remember the last time I lost 12lbs in 4 weeks, let alone felt bad about not losing more. I have my 2nd personal trainer appointment today and I am so excited to tell her about my 1.6lb lost. I am so thrilled to tell her all about the hard work I have been putting in and get her ideas on how to tweak it a bit. I am also going to see if she can incorporate into the workout training for the Warrior Dash. That is a 5K run/obstacle course that my husband and I are going to do in September. So excited! It would be great to get her input on how to train better for it. Stay tuned for more....

Gurgle Gurgle

Life had me stressing yesterday, the stress led to a candy bar, which led to guilt which led to all the other little things that add up to being way over my calorie limit. I really have to deal with the guilt and not let it get to me. Thankfully this morning I was not up on the scale. It seems that ever since my body has gotten used to the lower calorie intake even if I only eat 150cals over my limit I will gain like no tomorrow. I am still in bandster hell...and I don't like it. I feel like I am on a diet and its getting really hard at this point. I ordered myself some more Unjury protein powder. I find that out of the ones I have tried I can tolerate there protein the most. So I am going to try doing the same thing I did pre-op. 1000cal liquid protein diet. Just to try and get me back on the right track. I want to cleanse my body again and start over. Here is the plan: 3 protein shakes a day 60-80g a day chicken broth sugar free jello sugar free pudding NO MORE THEN 1000CALS A DAY Take in about a gallon of water a day (4 liters) I will go at that for 2 weeks and see were it puts me. It will be a few days till I start just because I have to wait for my protein to get to me and I only ordered it last night. I have my 3rd fill tonight!! I am going to ask for a good amount. I hope I get another 1.2cc. Right now I have 4.5 in my 10cc band. I really hope I start feeling that restriction soon! I will know better tomorrow morning I guess. Last night I was watching TV with my husband and he had is head on my stomach. all of a sudden he says "wow your stomach is loud". We had just finished eating dinner about 10mins before. I explained to him that my stomach is more noisy now with the band. He continued to argue with my stomach because he couldn't here the movie. He is so funny sometimes.

No Idea What To Name This Post :D

First things first, I want to say welcome to all my new followers!! I see my numbers have taken a little jump in the last day. I am looking forward to getting to know all of you :D Also I am only waiting for 1 more person to follow my blog and I will set up my giveaway! Holy cannoli batman, I am sore today! I did 45min fast paced walk on the treadmill last night at a 10 incline. Parts of my body hurt that I didn't know were even being used! My arms for one are killing me, and my abs! I can understand my arms because towards the end I will admit to hanging on for dear life so I could finish but my abs astound me. They hurt more then when I use the ab machine during circuit training. I love this overall body ache though. Such a good feeling to know that you are doing right by your body instead of trashing it all to hell. To be honest my body even feels smaller, I'm sure that's all in my head though :) It's nice today that we are busy at work too. If it was a slow day I would just be sitting in the chair getting all stiff from my sore muscles. Since I am running all over the building and up and down the halls dealing with patients I am all limber. Such a funny word....Limber :P I wanted to share with you a blog that I love, he makes me laugh on a regular basis. Jack Sh*t Getting Fit. His post today was awesome and I am putting it up in my kitchen so I have it to read whenever I get head hunger. I have my 3rd fill tomorrow. I am glad I had this long gap between my fills this time. It let me gage more of were I was with my band. I have to say that after eating a HUGE soft taco last night I defiantly need a good sized fill. I am looking forward to it. Weird right? How many people look forward to getting a huge needle in there abdomen. Also I started taking my iron again. It's been about a week and I am most certain that was the reason I was tired all the time. At least a combo of that my vitamin D and my multivitamin. I have been awesome in the mornings now. A little sleepy but no where near taking all my effort to just stay awake. I think the uping my work outs has helped too. I am so glad that has been solved. I hope you all have a wonderful day! update: wow in the time it took me to post this I hit 50 followers. I guess we will have a givaway on Friday!!! YAY!!!

Still NO Restriction :(

So I went and got my fill yesterday. He put in the 1cc that I wanted, which is great! I have no restriction though still. I came home after and ate a pita pizza with chicken, mushrooms and onions on it and had no problem getting it down. Admittedly I took my time and ate it in about 25mins, but I wasn't full. I mean I wasn't hungry but I would have been able to eat more if I wanted to. So at 4.5cc I feel no restriction. I am sure that I will have to keep chewing properly because food will get stuck easier but other than that it is all very disheartening. This seems like a good amount of fill with no change in anything. I know the band is on there properly because of the almost PB thing a couple of weeks ago. I am hoping that I will be one of those lucky people that wake up one morning and for some reason the band will have gotten tighter and I have good restriction. This has been on mind ever time I eat and I kept forgetting to ask you all. Before the band being full meant not just being satisfied but that you didn't want to eat anything else. I could feel that my belly was full both mentally and physically. How do you know when your full with the band? I haven't eaten enough to get to that point yet and I was wondering if it is a different feeling. I am assuming it might be and I just don't understand the feeling yet. Any input?

Possiblities

315lb is holding on as long as it can. I hit .8 then .6 now I'm at .2, I think it's funny. I am deciding to take Ronnie's advice and post pictures sooner than 50lbs. I have 1 or 2 before pics that I am going to scan tonight, I will hopefully get some good pictures in this weekend, and have the comparisons up by Monday. I am eager to see them side by side. I was thinking on it and I might start doing pics at every 20lbs too. What do you all think is a good interval for pics? I go for my second fill today after work. The last couple of days I have been really hungry and shocked that the scale has moved in a downward direction. So I am ecstatic about getting this fill today. I am going to ask for 1cc and see if the doc goes for it. I would rather have to much fill for a day or so and have to come back to get some out then inch my way up to were I need to be and be hungry and risk gaining weight back right now. Does anyone else watch the food network and the cooking channel? I watch it like it's a religion. I love to see what else is out there in the world that I can try. Well I found this show last weekend called Hungry Girl. It's a whole cooking show about low calorie cooking. These recipes have a ton of food per serving too. Her recipes look really tasty. Tons of possibilities to try out. So go check it out :) ****update**** the fill went great and I am home eating dinner. I am eating a pita pizza very very very slowly as to not have any issues :) I got my 1cc that I wanted and I go back in a month for a f/u :)

TMI and Sore Muscles

Good morning blog land! It is a groggy tired morning on this end. Not to mention sore and slightly nauseated. I am a little nauseous because I drank my protein shake to fast this morning. I get this way if I don't spread it out over about an hour :( So drinking any water right now is out of the question because I just will feel even more blah. Work is crazy this morning too. I am taking this moment to myself to update my blog curiosities though. I am so sore this morning! We did weights on Monday night. Yesterday was my break day so today we are going to do them all over again. Not that I want to look like this computer altered woman in the picture...gross. I talked about my workout theory a while ago, it is basically that 2 days after your workout you will be more sore then the day after. Until if you don't work out for about a week it gets all better. So that is my issue this morning as well. I commented on another blog this morning that I don't like the idea of working out until I am working out. Once I get into it I actually enjoy it to an extent. TMI Alert! I have had some issues with consistent BM's. I started using benefiber in my morning protein shakes at about 4x as much is recommended. Nothing. I will build up for about 2-3 days and then get 2 good ones in a day. It's very weird. I did notice that there are only 3g of fiber for ever 2tblsp of the benefiber. Which in my opinion is a rip off. I can get more fiber out of a fiber one bar. Granted there are more calories. Any suggestions would be fantastic because this has a major effect on my weight. I have noticed a good 2-4lb difference sometimes, not to mention it gets uncomfortable. Other than that things are pretty slow around here. I have a fill appointment tomorrow evening. I am hoping I get a better restriction this time around. I am almost to 40lbs and still aiming for 60lbs by May 7th. How cool would that be, 60lbs for our 6th anniversary! I don't know how do-able it is yet but hey I'm still going to give it a try :) Happy Hump Day everyone :)

Oops

I pulled a classic pre-band Shannon move last night.I was in the kitchen making dinner. I was chopping and measuring and sauteing and being all good with my food. (low cal mushroom and bacon quiche yum!) On the counter was a bag of my new favorite sesame sticks. I can have about a half a cup for under 200 cals so I love them. Well the whole time I was cooking away and being pleased with myself I ate half the bag of sesame sticks! I hadn't even realised I had done it until I was picking up and the quiche was in the oven. So needless to say my whole day of perfectly planed caloric tracking was blown. Why? Because then I had a piece of the quiche when it came out of the oven. I had to give myself a pat on the back for that one. It makes me see just how hard it is to reprogram your thinking process whether it be consciously or unconsciously. Training yourself to eat the right way is so hard! Today I am allotting for those pain in the butt sesame sticks because we are going to see a movie tonight. I cut down the calories in my morning protein shake from almost 500cals to under 300cals. lunch is about the same I am having a double helping of my low cal mushroom and bacon quiche (238cals) and I had a chobani strawberry yogurt for my morning snack attack. Btw I am so in love with chobani now! This one was the first one I have ever had and wow, love it. So this leaves me with a whooping 540cals for dinner :) which of course is going to partly be my theater snack of sesame sticks! O live and learn :)

I haven't gotten on the scale at all this week. Unlike some people who step on the scale everyday to see just how bad they are doing, when I don't like what I see I totally avoid the scale. At least now if I am having a bad scale relationship I don't eat whatever I want and avoid at the same time. So we will see how it goes. I have to weight in tomorrow unfortunately. I am in a weight loss challenge and I have to document on Saturdays. So at least once a week you will get a weight in.

2nd Fill and Recipe

Allot of you know I had my first fill on the 7th of Jan. and that I am not feeling any restriction. So I called my surgeons office to see when I could go for another and I was scheduled for the 20th of Jan. I'm hoping that less then 2 weeks between fills wont affect anything adversely. I know I said yesterday I would hold out for a week,but things change. I am kinda glad my doc is aggressive with the fills because my insurance approval is only through July. I am hoping not to have to go in to many times for fills or un-fills. I'm hoping another fill will get me relatively close to my "sweet spot". I am a big fan of the biggest loser show. They stress low calorie high protein diets, especially if you are working out. We have tried a couple of there recipes and we loved 'Doc's Chili'. In season 2 this was a big favorite. So I though I would share their recipe with you :) 3c chopped yellow onion ( I used 1 yellow and 1 red) 1 1/4 lbs 99% lean ground turkey or lean turkey sausage 3c diced tomatoes (i used canned which is ok) 1 can (15 ounces) pinto beans 1 can (15 ounces) black beans 1 cup fat-free, low sodium chicken broth 2tbsp chopped garlic 2tbsp chili powder 1tbsp oregano 1tbsp cumin 1 tsp mustard powder 1/2c sliced black olives (i am not an olive fan so I left these out) 1/2c chopped scallions I chopped and cooked the onion to just translucent and then added the turkey to the onions to give it more flavor. I added everything else together in a pot and let it start to bubble away. When turkey is fully cooked add the turkey and onion mix to the rest of your ingredients. Let it simmer away for about 20mins. We added a mild chili packet to the chili at the end for a little more flavor. This only adds about 10cals per serving to the chili. This makes 12, 1cup servings Per serving: 150cals (add 10cals if you used the chili packet), 16g protein, 17g carbs, 3g sugar,2g fat (0 saturated), 20mg cholesterol. 150mg sodium (this will be higher if you add the seasoning packet)

Frustration!

Sorry this might get a little whinny... The scale is not moving! (in the direction I want it to). I have been on the scale every morning (begin scolding) and I finally thought I was going to drop below 31lbs. I was only .2lb away! .2!!! Then this morning I step on the scale and I am up 2lbs...not .2 away from were I want to be, but 2 whole freaking lbs more. I have started working out again. I have worked out almost every day! 30-40 of cardio and I am also doing a little for my arms, and I have added in a little yoga. I am eating how I am supposed to and the amount I am supposed to. No go though :( I know it probably has allot to do with the fact that Aunt Flow is here but it's so frustrating to go through surgery and lose the majority of my weight pre-op so far! I am seriously thinking I am going to have to cut back to only 1000cals a day again like I was doing for pre-op. It's just so annoying that I have gone through surgery and am still at a stand still! I thought that part of my life was over. I thought that having to struggle with working out and eating almost nothing was over! I don't know what to do anymore. This fill doesn't seem to be working at all and I have to wait another 2 weeks to go for another fill. I know it might be a little aggressive to get another fill already but I am just at my wits end. I will wait till next week to make any decisions, till after my visitor is gone. My whole life this has been an issue and now I thought it was going to be a little easier. It just seems harder to me because I'm getting frustrated and am stuck. I am terrified that I will gain that 31lbs backs. I'm terrified that I went through all of this to still fail.

All In My Head...Fill !!

Drum roll please......I got my first fill today!!! 3.5cc's. I will admit you were all right, it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. I did get a quick shot of nausea right as he started filling the band, but easy sailing after that. The doc said that if I feel like I need another fill I can come in again in 2 weeks. So we will see how things go from here. He did not put me on a liquid diet for a couple of days so I will chew chew chew dinner tonight and hope for the best :) ...next topic... For those of you who have read a little ways back on my blog, you will know that I auditioned for the Biggest Loser season 11. Obviously I didn't make it on the show or else you would be watching me on TV now instead of reading my blog. All of us fat kids had to stand in the pouring rain for 4hrs to even get inside. I went in that audition room and met the casting staff and walked back out knowing I wouldn't get a spot on the show. The whole time not thinking anything about why I was actually there. I know why I was there, but it all seemed like a game. For some of those people there it wasn't a game though. To put it in perspective, I was one of the smallest people there. One of the smallest!!! and I have to lose 119 more pounds, after losing 30lbs!! I missed season 10 because I just never was watching TV at the time it was on. So I watched the season 11 premier and decided to watch season 10. So last night I was watching the premier for season 10 while I was on the elliptical. I honestly didn't think I would get as motivated as I did watching it. (proud moment for me) Then it struck home for me when the military wife came on, not just because we have that in common but because of what she said. Her husband tells her he thinks she is beautiful but she doesn't believe him. Logically she knows he thinks that but her self esteem is so low about herself that she can only think he is lieing to her...I cried...I have been there so many times. I know my husband thinks I'm beautiful the way I am, but all I hear inside my head is "he's lieing to make you feel better". It's all in my head though. I took that and ran (literally) with it. Promising myself that I will be that wife he sees. I am now watching the season 10 episode while I work out. I need all the motivation I can get.

Home from work again.

So I am home sick again today, my headache and body aches just don't want to seem to go away. My animals are so cute. They must sense that I'm not feeling well because they haven't left my side. My 2 cats will lay on top of me or snug up against me and my doxin lays between my legs the whole time. I love those furry little love bugs! Since I'm not feeling great I decided it was a crock pot day. I took some frozen shrimp, onion, mushroom, garlic and a packet of mild taco seasoning with a little water and put it in there. Now all hubby has to do is make himself some rice and there's dinner. I will not be having rice of course. Even though I'm not feeling the greatest I am still going to go get my fill tomorrow. I see no need on putting it off. I am still eating ok so I'm not to worried about it. UPDATE ALERT! I start at Columbia College on March 22nd (i think that's the date). I am just taking my general studies right now. Since it's all accelerated courses I can take 2 classes at a time and be considered a full time student. So bring on the GI Bill please! Also I wanted to apologize for not keeping up with everyone over the last week or so. things have been a little hectic around here. I am doing my catching up today though :) p.s. This is what I am seting as my goal to do, It's called the Warrior Dash. It's a run with obstacles. So when I get into my "good shape" status this is what I have to look forward to! go the website out, it looks amazing!

Good morning everyone, I'm sorry I haven't been posting as much the last couple of days. I usually post early in the morning at work but things have been unusual you could say. I started my workouts again like I had told you and they are going good. 30mins on the elliptical and some good old stretching after that. My deit has still been kinda naughty. So I have not lost anymore. I did post in on an earlier date that I get my first fill on Friday this week. I am having some issues with insurance right now that are stupid to me that it's an issue. I had an approved referral from my insurance for the surgery but not the fills that are required to make the surgery work! So I have to get that taken care of as well. The surgeon office couldn't tell me though if the referral gap would make it so I have to pay out of pockets. On another note though I am nervous about my fill. I am in the medical field and I don't mind getting my blood drawn or IV's but getting a needle in the stomach doesn't sound like my idea of fun. I am feeling like poop this morning too. I'm a little nauseous feeling and my head is killing me. I woke up this morning just completely exhausted and it has morphed into this. My cheeks feel like they are on fire as well, I don't have a fever though. So I might be going home from work today. We have had allot of really sick patients the last couple weeks and I think I finally might have caught something. That's all there is from me today. I will post again soon. :)

First Fill?.....Order Up!!!

Welcome to 2011, It's so crazy I haven't posted anything since last year! (har har har, I crack myself up ). Well I surprisingly did not gain anything over the holidays like I had expected. I am hovering between 30 - 31lbs, which is perfectly good for me. I had my second follow up with my surgeon (who I now think is a turd) I am supposed to get my first fill this week some time. It's going to be done under flouro (sp) so I have to wait to hear when the hospital has an opening. I will get back to you all when I know a specific date. Then I am starting to work out again today. I'm not going overboard or anything. We have an elliptical in the upstairs bedroom so low resistance and a slower than normal pace to work myself up to a good workout. Then in February I am going to add into that a night of yoga and a personal trainer once a week for a month to start out. So now that I am back on track with my eating I foresee 60lbs down by May 7th ( my 6yr anniversary) no problem. I am hoping to reach the 50lb mark by the beginning of March. I have my appointment with Columbia College tomorrow afternoon so I will keep you posted on that as well. I hope everyone had a great New Years celebration! Until next time *Hugs*