All In My Head...Fill !!

Drum roll please......I got my first fill today!!! 3.5cc's. I will admit you were all right, it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. I did get a quick shot of nausea right as he started filling the band, but easy sailing after that. The doc said that if I feel like I need another fill I can come in again in 2 weeks. So we will see how things go from here. He did not put me on a liquid diet for a couple of days so I will chew chew chew dinner tonight and hope for the best :) ...next topic... For those of you who have read a little ways back on my blog, you will know that I auditioned for the Biggest Loser season 11. Obviously I didn't make it on the show or else you would be watching me on TV now instead of reading my blog. All of us fat kids had to stand in the pouring rain for 4hrs to even get inside. I went in that audition room and met the casting staff and walked back out knowing I wouldn't get a spot on the show. The whole time not thinking anything about why I was actually there. I know why I was there, but it all seemed like a game. For some of those people there it wasn't a game though. To put it in perspective, I was one of the smallest people there. One of the smallest!!! and I have to lose 119 more pounds, after losing 30lbs!! I missed season 10 because I just never was watching TV at the time it was on. So I watched the season 11 premier and decided to watch season 10. So last night I was watching the premier for season 10 while I was on the elliptical. I honestly didn't think I would get as motivated as I did watching it. (proud moment for me) Then it struck home for me when the military wife came on, not just because we have that in common but because of what she said. Her husband tells her he thinks she is beautiful but she doesn't believe him. Logically she knows he thinks that but her self esteem is so low about herself that she can only think he is lieing to her...I cried...I have been there so many times. I know my husband thinks I'm beautiful the way I am, but all I hear inside my head is "he's lieing to make you feel better". It's all in my head though. I took that and ran (literally) with it. Promising myself that I will be that wife he sees. I am now watching the season 10 episode while I work out. I need all the motivation I can get.