25 August 2011

Adventures in Tan Land

I had a Draz moment yesterday:
I have tan lines. My tan lines cut across me in weird places that don't look faltering when warring a new elegant dress. So I got the great idea into my head to start tanning for the first time in my life. I was told that the best thing to do is to use the stand up tanning booth. So there is more area tanned on your body.
So i walk into the salon and tell them that I have never done this before but here is what I would like to do.
They set me up with a plan and off we go to the tanning room.
The lady opens the door and I am starring at what looks more to be like a space pod landed for destruction than a tanning booth. There is little goggles and aloe spray to make you feel all smooth and junk after. She shows me where the button is to turn it on and says just hop in. I am looking at this thing and thinking I am going to step inside it and I'm going to die during take-off. It is so small and cramped and the lights are all covered with wires that look like your behind bars. 
She ends the little how to with "if you need anything I will be at the desk". I am thinking to myself, 'really so if I scream for my life you are going to come rescue a naked (yes nussing on!) me from a alien pod that is abducting me or inducing claustrophobia! I don't think so.
She walks out and I shuts the door and lock it. Yes I strip down to nussing! Lather myself with this sample tanning lotion, put the goggles on, push the button and step in. 
There was wind inside that thing! Not just a nice breeze to help refresh you, no this wind was so strong it sucked the door shut behind me!  I was terrified that my fears were coming true! I held on tight to the handles and did a little squat. I realized as I tried to squat down my hair had gotten caught in the fan that made it feel like a freaking tornado in there. Again a mini freak out as I try not to picture how much hair got chopped off. After pulling my hair out of the thing I went into full squat with the girly parts getting all nice and aired out (i recommend it, very refreshing actually, weird too) all I can think is that my husband would find this hilarious. So on the verge of freaking out the 3 mins ends and the pod goes black. Not just hey were done and the hazard light will lead you to the exit dark I mean can't see an inch in front of your face black. I push my way out of that thing as fast as humanly possible. 
My hair all a mess and smelling like I bathed at the sunscreen factory I get dressed and walk out. 
The girls asked how it went and all I could muster up was "It's interesting"
I am now subjecting myself to this torture 3 times a week. 

I have issues. 

I have also been having alot of leg pain. It starts in my left hip area and kinda shoots down my leg. I have had a lot of muscle pain for years with sitting and in the butt area. I thought it was just from being heavy but as I loose weight it gets worse. I think I am going to get seen for that as soon as I can. Fingers crossed it's nothing major.


  1. Loving the visual! Hope the pain goes away.

  2. agggggg I will never go to a tanning booth!! can't you just find a lonely roof top to do the bikini thing on? :)

    You are running missy..i bet your legs and muscles hurt more because you are using those muscles more. I hope you feel better soon!


  3. I was about to say what Tina just said. LOL