Movin On Up

Hi, My name is Shannon and I'm LAZY...I almost didn't pass high school and then joined the Navy. After I got out of the Navy I tried going to college but, because of other....issues, dropped out of all the classes I tried. Needless to say I'm not a school kinda person. I have spent the past year on a emotional and sometimes spiritual journey of self revelation (ya like that it sounds fancy :D ). At the beginning of 2010 I started in counseling for issues marital and personal. What I found was a lost little girl with daddy issues and no self esteem. Penny (my therapist) was my angel. She helped me save me, from well me. I have this little issues were I try to bottle up everything inside of me until I explode and act out in the most hurtful way possible and it never ends up good for anyone around me or myself in the end. I am happy to say that I have greatly improved in this area. For me though I had to hit bottom before I would go for help. Not only did I hit bottom it was like the the big bang, shook my world to the core. What does all this have to do about my horrible educational career though? I was so inside my own head with my issues to succeed at anything. The last 5 months or so it has really been on my mind to try and go back to school. So, yesterday I put in an application to Columbia college. I have an interview with an advisor on Tuesday. Needless to say I am not submitting my transcripts from the previous community college I tried to attend. Who cares though, this is my fresh start! I am a different person then that lost little girl. I am a (semi)confident women with a fabulous marriage and on the fast track to emotional and physical recovery. If all goes well and I get excepted to Columbia I will start classes in March, doing accelerated courses (8 weeks instead of 12). I will keep you all updated :D

Happy Commings and Goings

"Have patience, and endure"

-Shakespeare, Much Ado

Here we are 2 days left in 2010. Everyone is making resolutions and picking out a word to live 2011 by, but I don't see the need. Every year I make resolutions and promises that I swear I will succeed at. Well big surprise....I don't. This year has taught me allot of thing about myself, my marriage, my lifestyle. I don't want to resolve to do this and to do that, I want to take what I have learned about myself and my life and bring it with me. Yes I have goals for this year, and yes one of them is to loose weight. I have my Lap Band and I plan to work it for all it's worth but that's not a new goal. My focus is to go on with the goals I am already working on, like not putting off doing things with friends or my husband. I want to wear the shirt that someone says looks good on me, not put it back on the rack because it's out of my comfort zone. Also, my most important goal for a couple of years, be able to ride on a roller coaster with my husband. These like I said are not new goals, I have been working at these for a long time. Yes, 2011 will be the year I make all this happen but the ability to do this was put into motion in 2010. So I will bid 2010 goodbye with a mixture of relief and longing for all of the roads I traveled this year, for all the battles I fought, whether won or lost, for all the milestones surpassed and cut short. 2010 was the year my life started turning around for the better, mentally and physically. I leave you with another quote from William Shakespeare and wish you much fulfillment this new year on whatever journey you take.

"Courage and comfort, all shall yet go well"

-Shakespeare, King John

Food = Crack

I hate food! I mean yes I enjoy eating, if I didn't I wouldn't be at this point in my life sitting here with an almost healed stomach and a piece of silicone around an organ. But I HATE FOOD! I hate my willpower and I hate how they make me feel about myself! I was doing so well until that first piece of chocolate on Christmas eve, now I'm like a crack addict who had there first hit in years. I do great all day then when I get home I make my dinner, Tonight it was spaghetti with mushrooms, onions and tomatoes. oh and don't forget the loads of parm cheese. and the 6 slices of turkey, and the Popsicle and the chocolate covered pretzels. It's like someone else takes over my body, goes to the fridge and says what can I eat right now. I know I won't have a change of habits overnight, but seriously does it have to make me feel 2 inches tall in the process!!! I am smack in the middle of bandster hell, my first fill can't come soon enough!

Edamame, How Wonderful You Are!

I don't know about all of you out there but, I was told to eat 3 meals a day with no grazing. I get up at around 5am and usually don't make it back to bed until about 10pm. That is a long day with only 1000 - 1200cals a day. I have to factor in a snack somewhere. My go to lately has been edamame. For those of you who don't know edamame it is the wonderful soybean (before it hardens). This wonderful little source of protein and green goodness is in my mind make the perfect snack. The closet way I can describe it's flavor would be a cross between a pea and a peanut, but more meaty and savory then it sounds. A 1/2cup is 8g of protein! Only 100cals and 2g of fat! For any of you that have problems with low Iron, like I do, these little beauties have about 10% of your daily recommended intake. I get my edamame in the freezer section. I don't know how your market will sell them but I buy about a pound at a time. this lasts me about 5, 1/2cup servings. To make these puppies you bring a pot of water to a boil then dump the whole bag in still frozen. bring it back up to a boil and cook for 5mins. I add a touch of salt on the pods so when I eat the little joyous beans later I get the salt. Some stores sell them already shelled. I don't prefer them cooked out of the pod, they seem to get tough and rubbery. Edemame goes great in salads to replace meat as a protein, and they go great as a side dish to a piece of chicken or fish. The flavor really stands on it's own. What is your go to snack?

I'm So Glad It's Over...

Christmas is finally come and gone. I got some wonderful presents, a coach purse and some Sapphire earrings are at the top of the list! But Christmas found my butt and ran me over with every ounce of chocolate and piece of cheese it could find! Kinda like this picture I could have hit a food coma, I haven't grazed that much in a very long time! Now that it is Monday and the start of another work week I refuse to weigh myself till after the New Year. In my mind there is no point to stepping on that scale to see the gain from 2 days of crap eating. So my plan is to eat good and normally all this week and after the first then let myself step on the scale and see what happens from there. After eating healthy for just over a month it is amazing how easy it is to fall back into those old habits. This little eating interlude has shown me just how long of a road this is going to be. I have habits that have developed and held strong for 24years, they aren't going to change overnight. I have noticed allot of you out in blog land blog your daily food intake. So I think I am going to start doing that. I know an average of how many calories I take in normally but by the end of the day when I am trying to find something to eat in the house I really have no clue the caloric range to tread in. So check out my food log tab at the top. Also I have been trying to get in at least 1 1/2 liters of water a day. Since surgery and trying to follow the rules I have found it difficult to get my water in. Anyone else had this problem? I hope Santa was good to all of you!!

Happy RamaHanuKwanzMas!

Have a great holiday everyone! I can't wait for hubby to open his gifts!!!

You Are Beautiful!!!

I want to challenge you to leave a card like in the picture anywhere a women will find it. Tape it to a mirror in a public bathroom, Leave it on the desk of a female co-worker, give one to a random stranger and walk away. You can even just write it on a piece of paper, it doesn't have to be a card. To many women don't hear that they are beautiful. Beauty is not just on the outside, beauty is in our hearts and what we do for others. Many of you are beautiful and don't even know it. Today I dedicate my post to all the women who have ever been put down by others and even themselves. You are beautiful in your own wonderful way! I found a card just like this at the movies last night in the bathroom and it made me tear up because I realized earlier that night that I had no nice clothes to wear out with my husband, that I had just given up on myself, but I am beautiful!!! For more info on this you can go to Operation Beautiful. Here are some examples.

Leave me a comment of where you are going to leave your little piece of beautiful!

Success!!!

I weighed in this morning and to my most wondrous surprise.....I have slightly surpassed my New Years goal of 30lbs!!!! This puts me at 319lbs with only 19lbs to loose till I reach my 300lb mark!!! I am so happy to be 31lbs down!! Even with no restriction this band is the most amazing thing I have done for myself because it has made me really take a look at what I had become. The Band really is the best Christmas present I could have ever gotten!!!

Also a quick NSV I am again fitting into my 2X scrub tops from over a year ago that have been just sitting in my closet!!! I am out of the 3X!!!

So we are not going anywhere for Christmas this year. Being a Navy family with us both from the complete oposite sides of the country it's hard to see everyone for the holidays. We scramble to oregon then new york and back to chicago. Or in the past there have been deployments that have kept us apart. This year though we are staying home, just the two of us. This is going to be a nice change, considering that the 5 christmas's we have been together have been stressful and more like work at times then vacation. I am looking forward to opening presents with my hubby this year and building our ginger bread house in the comfort of our own home! Also a plus no family to explain to why I can't eat very much :)

Nightmare!

I had a dream last night that I couldn't seem to wake myself up from. In the dream I was in the kitchen eating a whole bag of chicken nuggets. You know the big bags you can buy in the freezer section. After I ate those I went to the cheese in the fridge. We buy big blocks and slice our own because it's cheaper. In my dream I ate the whole block, and so on and so on. I went to weigh myself on the scale upstairs and it read 400lbs!!! The nightmare part is that I didn't care! I had completely given up on myself in my dream. When I woke up I got dressed and went to pull my protein shake out of the fridge and had to double check myself because it felt so real that I ate all that food. I had to make myself remember that it was only a dream. What a fatty kind of nightmare!

OMG, OMG, OMG

Today I had a scale related NSV. How is that possible you ask? I have not been able to weight myself on our scale at home because it didn't go past a certain weight. (it's digital) So just for the hell of it I decided to step on the scale and wait till I saw the error message, but today there was no error message and the scale showed me 3lbs lighter!!! Which puts me at 324lbs with a total of 26lbs lost. I was so excited I was running down the stairs saying OMG, OMG, OMG to tell my hubby all about it. So now not only can I weight myself in the comfort of my own home but I only have 4lbs to go until my new years goal of 320lbs!!! I wasn't planning on posting today but I just had to share that with ya'll!

Low Calorie Lunch :)

I wanted to share a recipe with you that is so simple and I like to eat it allot when I am "dieting". I get allot of weird looks when I do eat it but if you like tuna, then you will like this. Plus with the slight restriction I have post-op it's enough to fill me up for a couple of hours and it's a good amount of protein. It's so easy and only 3 ingredients! Ingredients: a one serving pouch of tuna 5tbsp chunky salsa 6 wheat Ritz crackers mix the salsa and tuna together and scoop it onto your crackers. It's about 280 calories depending on the tuna and salsa and has 13g of protein! very good for you! Have a good weekend!

All Consuming!

I don't usually like to post twice in one day but today I will make an exception because I just have to vent to people who will understand. When I was in the process of getting the band I felt like I wouldn't have to worry about food taking over my life anymore, but now that I have the band it feels almost like food has become all consuming! Fighting cravings and counting calories, measureing food out all the time. Freaking out because I ate a peice of dark chocolate and the scale might go up 5lbs. I know its not thecase forever, but this starting out feels like there is nothing else but food to get used to and count and measure. It's so frustrating!!!

Smart Meal

Yesterday I had my follow up appointment with my surgeon. It went well except for their scale is a couple of pounds high. Since they had me at a higher weight then what my usual scale says I had to weigh myself this morning and I am still at 327lbs for now. I have been back to work now for a week. So I was working 5 days after my surgery. I am at a desk right now but it's still pay. I have been having a pain on my left side lower on the rib cage, the doc said it's the muscle trying to heal to the bone again! He said that they put so much air in you when they are poking around inside you that there is a possibility the muscle will separate from the bone a bit. This is what he thinks is happened with me so I am stuck at the desk another week to give it time to heal better. That's kind of a weird thought, knowing that you were blown up like a balloon so much that your muscles were pulled off your bones. Since there scale scared me last night saying I was up 5lbs I came up with a yummy little dinner that was only 199 calories per serving! 1 cup egg beaters 2 cups uncooked mushrooms (baby protabelo) 4 tbsp mild chunky salsa 6 pieces of turkey lunch meat (the kind I use is 90cal for 6 slices) 1 small shallot 1 tsp minced garlic 2 slices fat free cheese salt and pepper to taste Cut your mushrooms and shallot into slices and in a pan saute' mushroom, shallot and garlic till soft. Add in your salsa in at this point. Once thoroughly combined set mix aside. Cut your turkey into bite size pieces, put them into a pan just till they are warmed through. Then set them aside. Take a 1/2 cup of your egg beaters and pour into a hot pan (make sure your pan is well sprayed with cooking spray) After your egg starts to bubble put half your mushroom salsa mix on one side and half of your turkey on the other side. Carefully fold egg in half. (this is the part i always mess up) Use 1 slice of cheese and rip it in half and lay over top of eggs and cover for about 30 seconds to get nice and melty. Obviously this make 2 servings at 199cals each. Enjoy!

Dark Chocolate and Soap

Good morning all. I am 8 days pots -op and I am dieing to step on the scale! I have my follow up tonight so I will have to step on the scale then but I am going to try not to look. One of my hobbies is cooking, which I have mentioned before, but I think I am going to try getting back into a beloved hobby that I was making a little money at before. Soap Making. That's right you read it correctly. I am going to start making my soap again. I took a break because of all the expenses with surgery and the holidays but I am going to get back into the swing of things. In turn I hope this will keep my mind off of whats tastes so good in the kitchen like the wonderful dark chocolate a friend gave me because she didn't know what surgery i went in for. I am sure that I will post plenty of picks of my creations edible and non edible. Update on how I'm feeling today: Sore, very sore. I tried going a while without taking my pain meds because I don't like taking more medication then I have to. Today though my abdomen is achy and tight. stretching it out in the least is annoying. My incisions have scabbed over and the scabs are starting to come off a little. The rubbing from my shirts on the scabs has ripped a couple of parts of prematurely. Other than that eating well and sleeping well.

Baking Fool (with recipe)

I love to cook and bake, so part of this process with the band has left me yerning to get back into the kitchen. Last night I baked a ton of cookies, about 6 dozen maybe a little more. I made cookie cups dipped in chocolate and almonds and filled with a raspberry jelly. I also made sugar cookies dipped in chocolate and peppermint pieces. I had my husband try one of each when he got home, since I can't have them, and he loved them both. I made them for a party we are having at work. I thought I would share a picture of my creations so you can drool over them with me. I am also putting the recipe for the raspberry cups at the bottom. Enjoy! Also I changed my blogspot web address to http://fatwifesjourney.blogspot.com/. If you have any issues because of it let me know. Thanks THIS IS NOT A HEALTHY RECIPE (thats why I havn;t eaten any)

Raspberry Cups:

Store bought cookie dough Raspberry Jelly Slivered Almonds Chocolate Chips - Semi Sweet Plain Gelatin Packets for baking not eating 2tblsp Sugar Spray with cooking spray a mini cupcake pan and put about 3/4 tblsp to 1 tblsp dough in each cup and bake according to time on package. When they are right out of the oven take a wooden spoon, dip it into the sugar and press down the center of the cookies to form a cup. Let cookies cool 30mins on cooling rack. Chop up the slivered almonds to desired size. Mix left over sugar into almonds. In microwave melt chocolate chips on 30 seconds blasts stirring between each time until you have a thick melt. The chocolate should not be hot to the touch when melted. When cooled dip just the tops of your cups into the chocolate and then the almonds. Let sit for 1 hour to harden. Filling: In a little pot put all your jar of raspberry jelly and 1 gelatin packet. Heat till mix just coats a spoon. Take off the heat and pour jelly mix into each cup until filling is level with the edges. The filling will soke a little into the cookies making them nice and moist. It's ok if they leak through a bit.

What a Miserable Morning

Today I woke up just feeling very blah. I have been at work for about an hour now and I am extremely nauseous and tired. I have barley been able to drink just under half of my breakfast. Last night I stayed up a little later than I wanted to because hubby and I were watching TV in bed. So I got to bed at about 10pm. I was aiming for about 9pm just because I am still healing but it didn't happen. I don't know if that's the problem or if it's just my stomach being weird on its own.

I still am having cramping in my left side. I have my follow up appointment on Thursday. I guess I just have to wait till then to ask. It does feel like it's getting worse at times though.

I would write more but I am just so tired I don't have the energy to. Till next time, stay warm.

Monday Weigh In

As of today I am 327lb! This brings me to a total of 23lbs lost. So far I know it's my diet helping me get to this point but I can't wait for the months to come. Have a happy Monday everyone and remember skinny feels better than anything taste! : )

Potato Soup!

I finally felt full today for a change and I had 4 saltines and about a half a cup of potato soup! I was honestly surprised that I was full. It was such a good feeling, I had begun to think that I would be hunger all the time until I started getting my fills. Mind you I chewed the crackers up to a fine mush so they wouldn't get stuck and cause a PB (terrified of that btw). My hubby had his work Christmas party on Friday and won a $25 Chili's gift card, so tonight that is were I had my soup and officially became a cheap date. I think my food cost a total of $4. This surgery is going to save so much on the food bill : ) Healing wise I am doing great. I can already lay on my side while I sleep and a little on my stomach. I do have an issue though, I have is a constant stitch in my left side. It feels like I ate a 4 course meal then tried to run a mile kind of pain. It worries me a little but I will give it till my follow up with the surgeon later this week. Also my shoulders are killing me from the air that they put in you during surgery. They will be so bad at times that I have to stop what I am doing, sit down and completely relax my arms till the pain goes away. In the grocery store today it was that way and I don't know what sets it off. I am going back to work tomorrow. I have a partial desk job so I will be able to finish healing. Plus I have my left over soup from dinner to bring to work with me tomorrow. Overall I am doing great and I can't wait to step on the scale tomorrow. I am only going to try and weigh myself on Monday mornings. I will let you know what I weigh in at tomorrow. Have a great Monday everyone!!!

Bubble Guts and Nausea...ugg

Day 2 post-op and I woke up this morning really hungry. I had an 8oz protein shake over about an hours time, but this wouldn't have been possible without my Gas-X though. I felt so bloated that the thought of eating was not a good one. You get pumped full of air and it has to find it's way out some how but in the mean time you feel so bloated and uncomfortable. I am using the dissolvable strips, they are like the Listerine strips but in my opinion they taste much better. Even with using those my stomach is full of bubble guts. Also I have been really nauseous. I had a good amount of chicken broth and a Popsicle for lunch and I was fine. A couple hours later I went back for a jello and some more broth and ugg I'm so nauseous I couldn't finish the jello. My surgeon has me on a liquid Vicodine for pain to take as needed. It taste horrible! There is no description for the flavor, It's just gross. For all of it's nastiness though it works almost to good. After about 20mins. it fully kicks in, and it seems all at once. I get loopy and really tired. I have only taken it 3 times so far and one of those was a half dose. Interestingly enough the reason I have had to take it is not pain from my incision sites but from the gas pressure in my shoulders. I have 5 incision. One is about 3inches long and the others are about an inch each. This was surprising to me. I was expecting 2 maybe 3 small 1inch cuts. The large one is my port site. I don't have any stitches on the outside, just dermabond. Dermabond is a clear adhesive that works just like stitches without the extra scaring. I was joking today with the hubs that it looks like my stomach got in a fight with a lawn mower. I guess the idea of looking fabulous in a bikini is out. tonight the hubby is at his Navy Christmas party so I am on my own tonight for the first time. I think as long as I don't lie down flat I will be ok. I didn't think I would be posting this much right after surgery, but it does help me keep track of what I have been doing all day since I have a horrible memory. lol I guess once I go back to work on Monday there wont be so many. Tomorrow I am hoping to go for a stroll around the mall. fingers crossed! I will let you know how that goes.

Finally Home

I am home and resting nicely. I want to thank you for the well wishes. I am still in pain but it's not very bad. My dog was overwhelmed with joy to see his momma come home. He does this part smile thing that is just to cute and I got a lot of smiles when I got out of the car. In order to come home today I had to get an x-ray and drink some barium. Nasty stuff by the way, thankfully I only had to take 3 small sips. I went back to my hospital room after that and my hubby was lieing in my bed waiting for me. I was so glad that he was there. :) We had to wait for the surgeon to come give me a quick checkup and for the nutritionist to go over the post-op rules with me. I ate a little of the "broth" (i use that term loosely) that I was giving and had about an ounce of jello and 2 ounces of apple juice. After the nurse said I could go home the hubby took me home. Being on my own couch is way more comfortable than the hospital bed. well I am going to go to bed now because I am feeling a little nauseous from staring at the computer screen. So goodnight all and hope you have a good Friday.

Better Update

Hello from Vista East Hospital in Illinois. I hope this post makes sense since i am very druggie at the moment. I feel allot like I was hit by a truck. I'm a little nauseous and my shoulders are killing me from the air they have to put in you for the endoscopy side of the procedure. I have to add that all my nurses have been fabulous. They are all so nice and knowledgeable. At least up till this point. The night nurse that I have now, wells lets just say I hope I make it through the night. At the moment the hubby is at home taking care of the animals, but he has been fabulous as well. He has taken great care of me all day. I remember waking up asking for him and chap stick lol. Right now the only thing better then chap stick are ice chips. I didn't have a roomie all day until about a half hour ago and it's an older woman and her son and daughter-in-law are with her for now. I feel lucky because I know I'm going home tomorrow and recoup there. I thought I would show you just how great I look right now all drugged up, I'ts a good look right? lol Well I will post later in the week I am really tired right now and need to sleep. Good night all.

IV in Hand...literaly

11 1/2 hours...

I am sitting in bed having to pee like crazy from all the water I have been having to drink and going over my check list of what i have to bring to the hospital with me tomorrow. Yes i said tomorrow!!! I am excited and nervous. My husband is going with me for support. What would i do with out that wonderful man. My surgery is scheduled for 8 a.m. and I am tired but can't sleep. We have to be up at 5 a.m., thankfully we don't live very far from the hospital. I can't believe the big day is finally here. I have waited for this day for a couple of years and its going to happen. I know I say this allot but it's true. I am so blessed. I will be home from the hospital on Thursday at some point and i will post on how i am doing then. So until next time. smile!

Two More Sleeps

I am getting nervous now I only have 2 sleeps till I get cut into for weight loss. It sounds so crazy but I and so excited about it to. I have been on the pre-op diet since the 26th of November and as of this morning I have lost 18lbs!!! I can't wait to get the band and keep going! This is so amazing. I am so blessed.

Less Than a Week to Go

I have 6 sleeps and I will be getting my surgery!!! I am still on the liquid diet for pre-op and it's not so bad anymore. Things are going good and weight is maintaining for right now. We started decorating for the holiday last night. I am in love with everything to do with Christmas which make it so much more amazing that I'm getting my surgery this time of year! Decking the halls and starting a new life all at once. Till next time be blessed.