A Lot About Nothin

I want to thank you all for the wonderful comments I received yesterday. It was kinda a last minute picture since I had promised you all some progress pictures. A face shot was all I got to. The pictures I had taken over the weekend didn't turn out like I had wanted so I will try for better ones over the rest of the week for full body. I feel the rest of my body has not taken to this weight loss as full force as my face has :) There is not much going on in my life at the moment. We are just trying to take care of taxes and and save for a trip to Oregon in late May or early June to see the hubby's half of the family. Also saving of course for our wonderful Virgin Islands vacations next winter. Last night the hubs and I were able to video chat on his IPod. We talked to his sister for a while and got to say hi to his grandparents. I love technology sometimes. It lets us stay so much better connected if we choose. His mom is very close to all of the kids and we haven't seen her in about a year so I think his sister might surprise her with a video chat with us. It will be really nice for her and for the hubs. Plus our nephew (who idolises my husband) will get a chance to say hi to him too. I didn't get a chance to work out yesterday, I was so bloated it was painful most of the day. Every time I took a step my lower abdomen would yell at me to lay back down. I ended up laying in bed most of the night and chatting on facebook or playing my Sims game. I had planned to start working out everyday this week but I guess my stomach had different plans. Oh well I guess I will start today instead. I will be starting with my personal trainer next week. I'm kinda nervous to be getting my butt kicked again. Looking forward to it :) My weight has been staying at 315 or so. I have started to log my food more, like I should have been doing from the beginning. I am aiming to be about 35 more pounds down before we go to Oregon. So I will be working my butt off for that day. That side of the family has never really seen me very thin. I can't wait to show myself off!

TMI and Sore Muscles

Good morning blog land! It is a groggy tired morning on this end. Not to mention sore and slightly nauseated. I am a little nauseous because I drank my protein shake to fast this morning. I get this way if I don't spread it out over about an hour :( So drinking any water right now is out of the question because I just will feel even more blah. Work is crazy this morning too. I am taking this moment to myself to update my blog curiosities though. I am so sore this morning! We did weights on Monday night. Yesterday was my break day so today we are going to do them all over again. Not that I want to look like this computer altered woman in the picture...gross. I talked about my workout theory a while ago, it is basically that 2 days after your workout you will be more sore then the day after. Until if you don't work out for about a week it gets all better. So that is my issue this morning as well. I commented on another blog this morning that I don't like the idea of working out until I am working out. Once I get into it I actually enjoy it to an extent. TMI Alert! I have had some issues with consistent BM's. I started using benefiber in my morning protein shakes at about 4x as much is recommended. Nothing. I will build up for about 2-3 days and then get 2 good ones in a day. It's very weird. I did notice that there are only 3g of fiber for ever 2tblsp of the benefiber. Which in my opinion is a rip off. I can get more fiber out of a fiber one bar. Granted there are more calories. Any suggestions would be fantastic because this has a major effect on my weight. I have noticed a good 2-4lb difference sometimes, not to mention it gets uncomfortable. Other than that things are pretty slow around here. I have a fill appointment tomorrow evening. I am hoping I get a better restriction this time around. I am almost to 40lbs and still aiming for 60lbs by May 7th. How cool would that be, 60lbs for our 6th anniversary! I don't know how do-able it is yet but hey I'm still going to give it a try :) Happy Hump Day everyone :)

Did Someone Say Vacation?

This picture is of a beach on St Thomas, Virgin Islands. Can you just picture me there? I could that's why I drew a little stick figure me with my picture face. A goal has been put into place by my wonderful husband (who am I to disagree) to go on a vacation to the Virgin Islands next feb-march time period. I drew myself in my goal weight bathing suit, pink of course! With a little martini in my hand! enjoying the warm sun and relaxing. I am going to work my butt off to be very close to goal so i can take as many pictures as possible. I stopped taking alot of pictures of myself and of me and hubby together because I hated how they turned out. I looked horrible. Not this time. I will document our first real vacation together like the camera is going obsolete. I am so excited!

Frustration!

Sorry this might get a little whinny... The scale is not moving! (in the direction I want it to). I have been on the scale every morning (begin scolding) and I finally thought I was going to drop below 31lbs. I was only .2lb away! .2!!! Then this morning I step on the scale and I am up 2lbs...not .2 away from were I want to be, but 2 whole freaking lbs more. I have started working out again. I have worked out almost every day! 30-40 of cardio and I am also doing a little for my arms, and I have added in a little yoga. I am eating how I am supposed to and the amount I am supposed to. No go though :( I know it probably has allot to do with the fact that Aunt Flow is here but it's so frustrating to go through surgery and lose the majority of my weight pre-op so far! I am seriously thinking I am going to have to cut back to only 1000cals a day again like I was doing for pre-op. It's just so annoying that I have gone through surgery and am still at a stand still! I thought that part of my life was over. I thought that having to struggle with working out and eating almost nothing was over! I don't know what to do anymore. This fill doesn't seem to be working at all and I have to wait another 2 weeks to go for another fill. I know it might be a little aggressive to get another fill already but I am just at my wits end. I will wait till next week to make any decisions, till after my visitor is gone. My whole life this has been an issue and now I thought it was going to be a little easier. It just seems harder to me because I'm getting frustrated and am stuck. I am terrified that I will gain that 31lbs backs. I'm terrified that I went through all of this to still fail.

All In My Head...Fill !!

Drum roll please......I got my first fill today!!! 3.5cc's. I will admit you were all right, it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. I did get a quick shot of nausea right as he started filling the band, but easy sailing after that. The doc said that if I feel like I need another fill I can come in again in 2 weeks. So we will see how things go from here. He did not put me on a liquid diet for a couple of days so I will chew chew chew dinner tonight and hope for the best :) ...next topic... For those of you who have read a little ways back on my blog, you will know that I auditioned for the Biggest Loser season 11. Obviously I didn't make it on the show or else you would be watching me on TV now instead of reading my blog. All of us fat kids had to stand in the pouring rain for 4hrs to even get inside. I went in that audition room and met the casting staff and walked back out knowing I wouldn't get a spot on the show. The whole time not thinking anything about why I was actually there. I know why I was there, but it all seemed like a game. For some of those people there it wasn't a game though. To put it in perspective, I was one of the smallest people there. One of the smallest!!! and I have to lose 119 more pounds, after losing 30lbs!! I missed season 10 because I just never was watching TV at the time it was on. So I watched the season 11 premier and decided to watch season 10. So last night I was watching the premier for season 10 while I was on the elliptical. I honestly didn't think I would get as motivated as I did watching it. (proud moment for me) Then it struck home for me when the military wife came on, not just because we have that in common but because of what she said. Her husband tells her he thinks she is beautiful but she doesn't believe him. Logically she knows he thinks that but her self esteem is so low about herself that she can only think he is lieing to her...I cried...I have been there so many times. I know my husband thinks I'm beautiful the way I am, but all I hear inside my head is "he's lieing to make you feel better". It's all in my head though. I took that and ran (literally) with it. Promising myself that I will be that wife he sees. I am now watching the season 10 episode while I work out. I need all the motivation I can get.

Movin On Up

Hi, My name is Shannon and I'm LAZY...I almost didn't pass high school and then joined the Navy. After I got out of the Navy I tried going to college but, because of other....issues, dropped out of all the classes I tried. Needless to say I'm not a school kinda person. I have spent the past year on a emotional and sometimes spiritual journey of self revelation (ya like that it sounds fancy :D ). At the beginning of 2010 I started in counseling for issues marital and personal. What I found was a lost little girl with daddy issues and no self esteem. Penny (my therapist) was my angel. She helped me save me, from well me. I have this little issues were I try to bottle up everything inside of me until I explode and act out in the most hurtful way possible and it never ends up good for anyone around me or myself in the end. I am happy to say that I have greatly improved in this area. For me though I had to hit bottom before I would go for help. Not only did I hit bottom it was like the the big bang, shook my world to the core. What does all this have to do about my horrible educational career though? I was so inside my own head with my issues to succeed at anything. The last 5 months or so it has really been on my mind to try and go back to school. So, yesterday I put in an application to Columbia college. I have an interview with an advisor on Tuesday. Needless to say I am not submitting my transcripts from the previous community college I tried to attend. Who cares though, this is my fresh start! I am a different person then that lost little girl. I am a (semi)confident women with a fabulous marriage and on the fast track to emotional and physical recovery. If all goes well and I get excepted to Columbia I will start classes in March, doing accelerated courses (8 weeks instead of 12). I will keep you all updated :D

Happy Commings and Goings

"Have patience, and endure"

-Shakespeare, Much Ado

Here we are 2 days left in 2010. Everyone is making resolutions and picking out a word to live 2011 by, but I don't see the need. Every year I make resolutions and promises that I swear I will succeed at. Well big surprise....I don't. This year has taught me allot of thing about myself, my marriage, my lifestyle. I don't want to resolve to do this and to do that, I want to take what I have learned about myself and my life and bring it with me. Yes I have goals for this year, and yes one of them is to loose weight. I have my Lap Band and I plan to work it for all it's worth but that's not a new goal. My focus is to go on with the goals I am already working on, like not putting off doing things with friends or my husband. I want to wear the shirt that someone says looks good on me, not put it back on the rack because it's out of my comfort zone. Also, my most important goal for a couple of years, be able to ride on a roller coaster with my husband. These like I said are not new goals, I have been working at these for a long time. Yes, 2011 will be the year I make all this happen but the ability to do this was put into motion in 2010. So I will bid 2010 goodbye with a mixture of relief and longing for all of the roads I traveled this year, for all the battles I fought, whether won or lost, for all the milestones surpassed and cut short. 2010 was the year my life started turning around for the better, mentally and physically. I leave you with another quote from William Shakespeare and wish you much fulfillment this new year on whatever journey you take.

"Courage and comfort, all shall yet go well"

-Shakespeare, King John

OMG, OMG, OMG

Today I had a scale related NSV. How is that possible you ask? I have not been able to weight myself on our scale at home because it didn't go past a certain weight. (it's digital) So just for the hell of it I decided to step on the scale and wait till I saw the error message, but today there was no error message and the scale showed me 3lbs lighter!!! Which puts me at 324lbs with a total of 26lbs lost. I was so excited I was running down the stairs saying OMG, OMG, OMG to tell my hubby all about it. So now not only can I weight myself in the comfort of my own home but I only have 4lbs to go until my new years goal of 320lbs!!! I wasn't planning on posting today but I just had to share that with ya'll!