31 March 2011

Jump Around

Do you ever have one of those days were you just don't feel like eating? I am having that day today. I let myself get to the point of nausea and feeling sick till I ate something this morning. I woke up hungry at 0430 this morning and didn't want to eat anything. I get this kind of feeling allot when Aunt Flow comes to town. I get super hungry but feel like such crap that I don't want to eat. The idea of eating makes me feel sick. I always end up eating the wrong things those days and even though I don't want to eat I go over my calories. I know, weird.

I cant drink coffee after noon. I used to drink so much caffeine I would have physical withdrawal symptoms. Headaches and my hands would shake and I would get sick to my stomach. I have been off caffeine for so long that I can't drink it anymore without it interrupting my sleep. Last Wednesday I drank coffee for psych and slept like crap, yesterday...the same thing. On Tuesday I had a small cup as well and slept like crap. I have to leave coffee to its morning slot if I have any at all. I don't really need it. It's allot of sugar because I don't drink it black. It's a little sad though because every once and a while I like that taste no matter what time of day it is.

This morning I am back to 295. I didn't get to work out yesterday and I drank a ton of water and didn't even get 1200calories in. I maybe had 1000. I just wasn't in need of anymore. I had bought Reese's pieces for a little treat during class because I knew I had eaten way under my 1200 range. I never even opened the bag. Mind you those Reese's pieces have been on my mind all freaking morning! I have been good and only had 320cals with a liter of water. Mainly because I just don't feel like eating today. I am sure that will change when I go to eat something that's not liquid protein.

Classes are going great and I am actually enjoying them. Have a great Thursday everyone and don't let the caffeine monster take your body over.


30 March 2011

A Little Late to The Game

But here is my after work out "glow"

I think I look more like a lobster bake then glowy. But hey it feels good!
Sorry about the bra straps, Totally forgot about that. Like my shower set up in the background?

Also I have discovered what I think is the best invention since toilet paper. Its called Buddy Fruit and it comes in a pouch!

This has been my pre-breakfast the last week or so to hold me over till my protein shake. The kind you are looking at is apple banana. It has a consistency of a smooth apple sauce. There is no sugar added in any of the flavors and its a full serving of fruit. Plus its resealable! Maybe it's the pouch but I love these things. You can get them at walmart and for the military peeps out there I grabbed mine from the commissary for 89 cents a piece. A little on the high side but for me worth it.

The scale has systematically moved back up with my last 2 days of workouts. I just don't get it and I'm not going to try to understand it. I am just going to know that I feel great when I workout and like crap when I don't. (still in the 200's though!!!)

I hope you all have a wonderfully fabulous day!

29 March 2011

The Four Letter Word


   1.   The usual food and drink of a person or animal.
   2.   A regulated selection of foods, as for medical reasons or cosmetic weight loss.
   3.   Something used, enjoyed, or provided regularly: subsisted on a diet of detective novels during his vacation.

No where in that definition does it say that diet means to starve yourself until you are so hungry that you binge. It doesn't say to go on fad diets were consumption is limited to cabbage soup or just chicken. No were in there does it say that chocolate is a four letter word or that french fries are the enemy.

What I see is that a diet is our normal consumption of not just food. I think it's time we turn that "diet" into a lifestyle and be good to ourselves.

What do you all think?

A Quick Rant

I slept like crap last night! tossing and turning and just that horrible half sleep that gives you no rest. I hate going to work on those days knowing that its going to be such a long time till your back in bed.

I had my appointment yesterday and I talked to my surgeon about how all of a sudden I have been tight. He is a moron, but he agreed that I shouldn't get anymore fill right now. I have an appointment in 3 weeks to go back and see were I am. I also got the feeling from him that if I didn't lose any more weight that he would be fine with it. Maybe they just see so many failures that at 50lbs I'm already a success in there book. Which is cool for me but sad for the rest of his patients. I met a lady in his office who told me she had her band for 3yrs and had only lost 34lbs. 34lbs! In 3yrs! If she had worked it right she could have had all her weight of by 3yrs. It breaks my heart. These men and women have the tools to help them succeed but they still find a way around it. When it comes right down to it, your fill level doesn't matter. It's the way you view your weight loss. Yes you can still eat around your band, but you shouldn't. At the time I was only about 30 or so pounds down but I just wanted to look at her and go..."HELLO! Do you know what you have put your body through to lose weight and you are barely trying!" Put down the pizza, the ice cream, the milkshakes! Make a decision to be healthy because you are already one step closer then most people. We didn't get a gastric bypass we are not guaranteed to lose any weight. In the long run it is still work for us! The fact that some people just toss that to the side really upsets me because there are people who can't get the band that would work it for all its worth!
I am done with the sympathy card for those people. Yes, it's hard but come on! You had to go to a nutritionist and no it's not easy to get off your butt and excersize or choose the right food but at least act like you appreciate your band. My band changed my life and is changing my relationship with food every day! I wish everyone could be so lucky.

Like I said I didn't get much great sleep last night so this might be a little harsh. But of well, forgive me my rant. I hope you all have a wonderful day and that you are better rested then I am.

28 March 2011

Holy Post Batman

I am sittin pretty in the 200's!! I am down to 295.6 as of this morning! Not to shabby from 300 last weekend. I am ssooo happy the scale is moving again.This puts me 5.4lbs away from my anniversary goal. I have till May 7th to lose that so I think I am doing pretty well on that goal right now. I am trying to be down to 280lbs before the end of June when we go to Oregon to see his family. That might be a long stretch but if I keep up what I'm doing then I think I will be fine.

I think I am starting to develop a normal relationship with food. Sunday we went to panera for breakfast (at about 1100) I got a spinach and bacon souffle. My hubby had a couple of bites and I ate the rest. I didn't feel bad about it and I didn't go crazy the rest the day either. It was relatively small though to. Band sized :) I went on with my day and drank plenty of water and had a low cal pita pizza for lunch and some yummy chicken for dinner. I felt good about my eating. Even if I did have some gummy bears too. It was all appropriately sized and healthy. I am starting to understand that no foods are truly bad foods. Just the consumption behind them. I still want to eat the "bad" foods but as long as I keep them in check I'm good. I didn't think I would be at this point of understanding so soon after surgery. I know I will still struggle and have off weeks, but hey I'm only human.

I didn't work out last week. I know bad right? Well I truly don't know any more. I spent the majority of March working my butt off at the gym and gained 2-3lbs I stopped last week to get my schedule under control and lost almost 4lbs! Some things are beyond my understanding and this is one of those things. Also I have noticed I have to work out. Before surgery I had problems with muscle pain so bad I was medicating 3-4 times a day. It was in the back of my legs up to the bottom of my butt. I noticed as the weight came off the pain went away. It turns out that the exercise was the reason I was not having pain anymore. After this week of not working out I had to take medication yesterday to help with the pain in my legs. Did anyone else get to that point? Were your muscles were so under used they physically hurt? I think the damage left over from being so overweight is going to cause issue with that for a while. I am working out today after I see my surgeon. I am very much looking forward to it.

This is turning into a long post so I will wrap it up soon.

I have a fill appointment today I don't think I'm going to ask for to much. maybe a half CC. I think I am almost at my sweet spot. I don't want to over do it and have to have to much taken out.

Until next time my dears.

25 March 2011

BYOC and Picture Friday

Here we are on the first official day of Picture Friday. This is going to be a weekly thing. I will post a picture of myself and tell you all what I like about it. Kinda a twist on what Drazil does with loving her body pictures. To start off this new tradition I am putting up my first real comparison photo. The one on the left was taken 2 weeks before I started my pre-op diet so pretty much 350lbs. The one on the right was taken last night. (I stepped on the scale) Current weight is 298.6lbs!!! The sclae is moving down again!!!

I am wearing my new scrubs that I bought last night! The pants are 2sizes from my biggest. I thought it was only 1 size till I took a look at my old ones and the shirt is also 2 sizes smaller. I really can notice the difference in my face the most. I know its kinda covered because of the phone. Sorry. Also I love the fact that I have a waste! I'm not just a tube sausage shape anymore. Being able to buy much cuter scrubs is a major plus of the weight loss. I am not going to try and find anything I like about the person on the left. So there it is. The first one is over! Stay tuned for next week :)

Courtesy of Drazil here is your Friday BYOC! This is a fun way to get to know each other better :)

1. How do you handle criticism?
Not to good. I hate to admit it but I take it to heart and kinda obsess about it a little. It really depends on what it is. I will usually let it simmer for a few days then all of a sudden be like "Am I really  blah blah blah?" The hubby is usually the only one who sees this side. He knows how to tame that beast.

2. Who had or has had the greatest impact on your life?
I am going to have to say my hubby. He has made me want to be a better person and get the help for myself that I needed.

3. If you had a friend that spoke to you the way YOU speak to yourself – would you keep them as a friend and for how long?
Probably not I am really hard on myself. I know if I was that hard on other people I wouldn't have any friends  

4. Do you think crying is a form or weakness or a form of strength?
I believe it to be a sign of strength for the most part. If you are a winey little piece of crap who uses crying to get your way then you are probably not a strong person anyway. But when a person loses a person who need to just get it out once and a while then I am all for it. The men and women I have been around have shown me just what true strength is and crying can be involved in that.

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.
In blog land people are looking very sexy! everyone progress is amazing. Ronnie and I were saying how awesome peoples progress pictures are looking! I haven't been able to keep up to much with ya'll but I will try to do some catching up this weekend.

In real life classes are going great! I think I am really going to enjoy this semester. Yes Tina even with the math class :)
Sucker Punch came out today and OMG! the hubby has been talking about nothing else! I am excited to go see it today too. I think I will take some edemame for snack at the theater. I got a new bigger purse to hold everything the hubby likes me to bring.
Everything is going good overall. going to do lots of cleaning this weekend to.
I hope you all enjoy your weekend.

24 March 2011

School, Eating and PB

I am pretty sure that sleep F@$%'s my band. I took a quick nap before my class last night, I ate one bite of chicken and made sure I chewed well and it got stuck. I am in the car slimming the whole way to class and praying for a red light so I can spit out the door. I finally got to class and PB'd in the parking lot. Of course one of my patients from work saw the upchuck and gave me a weird look and kept on walking. My PB was testiment to how well I chewed because what came up did not resemble chicken. What a fun way to start class for the night. At our first break I decided to heat up the leftover and try again. After an hour I got it down, along with about 5 gummy bears.

Class was great! I think I am really going to like psych. The teacher is awesome and funny so it make the time go by quickly. I have my second night of math tonight. Fun fun. Not a math fan.

Overall my diet has been stellar this week. I haven't gone to the gym once though! I know bad Shannon. I plan on going this weekend. Work has just been killer this week.
Still I can't wait to step on the scale on Saturday! I should see good numbers unless I royally mess my eating up. Spending time with the hubs during the week is proving to be hard. As its said though distance make the heart grow fonder, or is that sleep deprived. Both are proving true lol.
My dog is really missing me. I got home took a shower and laid down and he was laying on top of me within a minute. I didn't even have time to get comfortable. I feel for the guy though, both of us are taking night classes.
Lets see minus the hectic work and school week there is nothing of interest going on in my life. just the daily grind. I think we might go see a movie on Friday which is a normal for us. Here is something interesting. The hubby won tickets to a concert this weekend. I have no idea to who but it should be fun. It's the second week in a row that he won tickets from the radio station he listens to.
I hope you all have a good Thursday.

23 March 2011

I Don't Like Wednesdays Teddy.

Oh Wednesday why do you torment me so?

If someone asked you what day of the week was your least favorite, some might say Monday or Sunday. I would say Wednesday. It has always been the most tired, worn out, useless day of the week there is. Why bother with it. So what have I gone and done? I made it the longest day of the week for me. Smart right?

Class went well last night. It was enjoyable, as enjoyable as a math class can get. The whole time though I was freezing my butt off! I was even holding my nose because it was so cold it felt like it was going to fall off. Talk about your tactics for keeping people awake. They could have chosen a better one. The teacher is great though. Really dumbs things down for everyone so its easy to get. Also he played classical music very lightly in the background the whole time. He said we have to appreciate math in real  life applications and that music was the most beautiful of them all. Deep right? He's an amusing old guy :)
Tonight I have psych for 5hours! I hope it goes just as simply as the other class.

The scale almost won this morning. I stepped up then screamed at myself in my head and went about my business. I didn't wait for my weight to register. The scale has turned into my siren. The little devil.

The future face of the military

So far so good today. Had a couple minutes to spare this morning so I hung out with the dog. We layed on the couch for about 15mins just cuddling. I love my pup pup. He is such a light in my life. Always happy to see me and just as lazy in the mornings as I am. If I didn't wake him up some mornings he would stay in bed under the blankets.
His name is Teddy and he is a mini doxin. Here are some of the cutest pictures I could find of him to share with everyone.

Capt. Teddy Sparrow

Winter 2008

22 March 2011

Blah Blah Blah

I woke up this morning and I didn't feel like getting out of bed. Whoever decided that the military had to get seen by a doctor at 0630 in the morning needs to be shot. I have to get up at about 0500 every morning and it sucks! I went to bed at a decent time but it still gets to you.

I also start classes today. I am not looking forward to not getting home till 8pm. Wednesdays are going to be my crappy days. I wont get home till about 10:30pm. I will have to sit through 5 hrs of psychology. I think caffeine might be in order for those days.

I have successfully avoided the scale now for 2 days. It's much harder then it seems. I am hoping that I will see results even if its only a pound. I am sick of being stuck here. I have made adjustments to get the results I want. I just think my body has to remember what we are trying to do here.  I am sick of feeling like I am on a diet. I thought my restriction was getting to a good point but not so much anymore. Especially after this weekend. I love my band because without it I would never be down what I am but I guess I'm still frustrated. I know my blog has been filled with weight loss woes lately. I will try to be more interesting soon I promise :) 

I will let you all know how school goes.

21 March 2011

A Fill Is In Order

Yesterday we went to Texas De Brazil and it wasn't worth it. I had a good time and the food was amazing but the overall experience wasn't worth it to me any more. I was able to eat way to much. I don't know were Phylis (my band) went for the night. Then afterword I felt like crap cause I was so overfull that I wanted to puke! I would say a fill is defiantly in order. Thankfully it was mostly protein. Carbs is what really kills me but holy crap I still cant believe I ate that much. I don't think I have consumed that much in one sitting since pre-band. I have an appointment in 1 week to get a fill. I am looking forward to it.

I am going to try my hardest not to weight myself again till next Saturday morning and see how this week goes. One I don't want to see how bad last night went and 2 I just need to give the scale a break. Stepping on it everyday isn't good for anyone.

Well it's Monday again and I have to head off to work. Hope you all have a great day!

19 March 2011

Feeling Good

you are all encouraging and wonderful on my pictures. It takes allot for me to post a picture of myself. I have pictures of me straight out of boot camp with collar bones that could poke someones eye out and still hate how they look. Self confidence has always been a major issue so I think I will make Fridays picture day and go along with what Drazil said and say things I like about what I see. It will be hard but I think worth it. 

this morning a victory! down 2lbs! 300.6. only .6lb back to were i was. I never moved my ticker because i new i would get back to that weight, but it would take time. So I am almost to the point of never seeing those blasted 300's again.

So that is all for now. I need to shower cause i look like i slept on the street last night. 

18 March 2011

Self Love

I told myself I would take 2 pictures and whatever came out came out and I would post them without altering or posing for them. This all in an effort to learn to love what I look like. So here goes nothing :) ok so maybe a little posing lol

pre workout 

after work yesterday still in my scrubs


It's BYOC again curtousy of Drazil :)

1. Regardless of what stage you are in - in your weight loss, get healthy journey – do you still consider yourself “fat”? Was there a point when you stopped feeling that way?
I do still consider myself fat. Then again I still have 100lb more to go. I do know that I look better than I did 50lbs ago and that I feel better now too. I honestly think I will have a hard time not seeing myself as fat even when I am thin and at goal weight. I have always had self esteem issues and I don't think just losing my weight is going to change that part of me. Only time can do that and therapy.

2. Tell us about your first kiss.
Well this is going to sound terrible, but I don't remember my first kiss. I know it happened but I don't even remember how old I was when it happened. I remember my first kiss with my husband. That was a great kiss, in a dark theater on our first date when we really weren't watching the movie. I miss being 18 I had a great time!

3. Describe your parenting style (either current or what you hope to do or what you would do if you ever had kids)?
I don't have kids yet but I hope I can be the one my kids turn to when they need it but still be the disciplinarian. I want my kids to say no sir/maim, yes sir/maim. I don't want my kids to be addicted to the TV or computer. I want them to just be kids for as long as they can. I want them to have everything I didn't and then some! I want them to have the opportunities that I was never afforded. I already love them and they aren't even cooking yet.

4. How would your best friend describe you?
My best friend is my husband and I don't know how he would describe me. I know he would say that I was high strung probably, that I take things to personal all the time and that I am to hard on myself. Beyond that I don't know. I think I'm going to ask him cause I'm at a loss.
I love it...Here is what he said: tenacious, meticulous and crafty!
What a great guy

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.
Lets see in real life I have been working out a ton. Except for last night. I did an experiment and ate about 2200 cals yesterday to see if the scale would go down with higher intake. Low and behold it went down about half a pound. I think I am going to up my intake to 1500cals a day if I am working out as hard as I have been. I don't know yet though.
Also The hubs and I start school next week. He starts on Monday I start on Tuesday. We went school shopping this week. That was fun. Have you all seen the nifty stuff they have for school supplies? I wanted to buy it all just to try it out, and everything is so colorful now too!
Work has been a nightmare. I posted yesterday on it. I can't wait till I can go home today!
On sunday we are going to Texas De Brazil! Its a brazilian steak house. So I have to go shopping for a nice outfit.

In blog land I have been making my rounds as best I could. Like I said work has been busy and I haven't been on the computer to much at home. Overall people tend to be doing really well this week.
Hope you all have a great weekend!

17 March 2011

Green From Head To Toe

This morning the scale has gone up from 301.8 to 302.8. Frustrated is not even close to the correct word for it. I'm going to chuck that scale out the window.

I went jogging last night with the hubby. I was supposed to go to the gym to work with my trainer but it got up to 63 degrees here and I just couldn't pass up a chance to be outside! I jogged a 2.2mile course. I will admit I did walk a tiny bit but most of it was a really slow jog.

Yesterday I ate:

200cal protein shake
60cal sugar free pudding
130cal cheese sticks
50cals turkey lunch meat
140cal sesame sticks
140cal chobani
50cal cheese stick
155cals turkey breast
15cals mushrooms
60cals bread crumbs
50cals cheese stick
3 liters of water
5cups green tea

I know I am lacking in veggies so I am fixing that. This has been about what I have eaten the last couple of days so I don't know what to expect out of this body anymore. I do know that I am losing inches though because a shirt that I have from a couple of years ago fit me around the chest and it never fit comfortably there before. Plus hubby like the shirt too. The scale is just the one really getting to me still.

At work I feel like a baby sitter because the only other competent person is out this week so I have to do everything so it gets done right. I run around all day and barely get a lunch at all. I eat while working on patient records. I cant wait till my right hand man is back because I am sick of doing the work of 3 people. Plus side to this though is I barely broke a sweat doing it. I got a little warm but if I was on my feet all day 50lbs ago I would be so sweaty I would have to put more deodorant on.

Overall a couple NSV's to get me through the day. If its nice outsides again I think we are going to jog again today. I hope you all have a great Thursday and St. Pattys day! don't drink to much of that green beer :)

16 March 2011

Boo to the Scale Gods

The last day and a half have been stress filled. I made it to the gym again last night and I am glad I did. I don't understand why the scale isn't moving down though with such great workouts. The freaking thing hasn't budged at all. So I am going extreme for the rest of the week. Protein shake for breakfast and dinner and some cheese and turkey for lunch with salsa. I might pick up a bag of carrots to munch on too while I'm at it. who knows. O and lots and lots of water and green tea.
I feel great about my workouts it just really burst my bubble when the scale doesn't move with it. I have a personal trainer appointment this afternoon and I am really looking forward to it. I wish I could afford to see him more than once a week.

Thanks for all the encouragement about school. I cant tell who is more nervous about going, me or the DH.
I hope you all have a stress free day.

I thought you all might enjoy a quick laugh. This picture had my going for a good minute :)

14 March 2011

Peeps Against the World!!

I am not even close to were I will be some day but today I feel strong! I feel like I have it all together. Ok, it might just be the adrenaline and endorphins talking from my workout an hour ago, but I feel strong. When I go to the gym and push myself farther then I have in a long time it gives me hope. When I get 826 calories burned in 45 mins I feel that I will not fail. When I eat right all day then have a great dinner, I feel like I can fight this battle forever.
...again it could just be the endorphins.
When I do what I am supposed to do in my head I can take on the world and bake a cake at the same time. ( a low fat sugar free cake of course )
I don't know were this is all going except that I feel good.
I saw today that over 80lbs was lost in the first week of the suddenly spring challenge...Wow! I am so proud of everyone! Careful though I am going to catch up now that I am back in full swing.

School starts next week so I am going to have to really push myself not to slack on my eating and time at the gym. I will have class on T/Th from 5-7:30pm and W from 5-10pm (not looking forward to those days. I am taking a math and psychology course. There are 8 week classes. Pray for me everyone I am going to need all the help I can get! I am thinking I will have to move my workout schedule to as follows: Mondays and Fridays at 3:30pm, Tuesdays and Thursdays at 8pm and then Saturday whenever I make it out of bed. In between there I will have to work and do homework as well. Not sure how this will all work out yet but I am going to try. Also I have to prepare all my meals the day before so I am eating good for me food and staying within my calories. I don't know how all you guys with kids do this! Your all modern day super women.

I haven't been commenting to much on peoples blogs lately and I feel like I am losing touch with my peeps! ( anyone else love those marshmallowy sugar coated birds as much as I do?)
I will do my best to stay in touch with everyone over the next couple of weeks. Please bare with me. I love you all like long lost family!!!

Well ta ta for now.

13 March 2011

Green Tea And The Easy Way Out

I love tea. I used to be addicted to coffee for a couple of years. At one point I was up to 4 Venti size Starbucks coffees a day with 4 espresso shots in each one. Talk about a waist of money! I would spend $20 plus a day just on coffee.
I was brought up to drink tea. So once I weened myself off the coffee I went back to drinking tea. Hot Chi tea, black iced tea, gogi berry green tea, honey vanilla chamomile. Here is my tea stock right now. Its only 9 boxes.

My love is now strictly with tea. Add a little squeeze of honey and you have a perfect cup of tea. I recently heard that green tea is great for weight loss. I did a little reading and found some facts to back up the claim. More info here So I think I will try to drink more of my green tea then. I have a citrus green tea and a gogi pomegranate green tea. Very tasty. I did read for any benefit you nee to drink 3-5 cups a day. This should be a tasty experiment. :)

I debated weather or not to post today. This from being just disgusted with my progress, but that would have been the easy way out. And lots of times you will see a blog go silent because the person behind it doesn't want to talk about there lack of progress. Then they come back and say that exact thing. So here I am skipping a step. I am not happy with my progress. I saw that 299 and kinda went nuts I think. (as nuts as you can get with a band) I decided to let my gym anxiety get the best of my and found a reason not to go more then twice last week. I thought it was a good idea to eat 3 dunkin doughnut muffins in one day. I also thought it was a good idea to eat dessert after having a heavy calorie ridden meal. I stopped preparing my meals for the next day. I let myself think it was ok because "I would have eaten a ton more pre-band". I am getting back on track tomorrow. I don't want to be one of those people that is always getting back on track. If I had known how hard this would have been before getting banded I don't know if I would have done it. I am glad that I didn't know though because now I am here with 1/3 of my extra weight gone. It scares me to death that I will fail and end up back were I was. I am so sick of failing. It seems to be all I can see in myself lately.

That brings me to another topic. (bare with me this is getting to be a lengthy post) My husband told me he has noticed that the only thing I am happy about with myself lately is my weight loss. I have a huge lack of self esteem. I have always had issues with low self esteem and that is one of the things I went over with my therapist last year. My issues with self esteem started very young. I have always been really tall, so that started it. Then I got heavy and was always on a diet imposed on me by others. My weight has always been an issue for many parts of my family and they all put their 2 cents in about it.

anyway this is leading to the fact that he said being proud of myself doesn't have to come from a huge achievement. When I choose a rice cake over chocolate or carrots over french fries. He in his own way told me how proud of me he was and that I should give myself more credit. I am going to try and live up to the woman he sees in me. He has always made me be a better person just by being with me. So back to the self improvement drawing boards and build that self esteem.

Also we bought a new table this weekend after Thursdays kitty kung fu incident. Here is what we got. It's a nice counter height for my tallness.

I hope you all have a great day :)

11 March 2011

Crouching Kitty, Hidden Chocolate

I finally went to the gym again yesterday! It felt so good! I burnt 786 cals on the treadmill. and I'm not sure how much I did on the row machine, but I did 500meters for a cool down. My left foot thankfully adapts to pressure by the end of the day so I could do what I wanted. I got to take my time and just go at my own pace. Again though that dread snuck up on me on the way to the gym. I also got so tired that I had to fight every bone in my body not to fall asleep while I was driving!. I even had to pump myself up sitting in the car in the parking lot to walk in the front door. It was nice to see other heavier ladies there. Even if only in the locker room  : /

After the gym I came home and was cleaning up some stuff in the kitchen. I heard this super loud crash! I turned around and somehow my 4lb cat knocked over and shattered my glass top dinning table!! How the hell does that happen! So I spent about 40 minutes cleaning that all up and have to go shopping for a new table this weekend. Overall I'm not to heartbroken about it because I get a new table but cleaning up all that glass was a nightmare.

Also yesterday my husband got a pretty nice award from his command (work) and I got to go to that. I have never had the chance to go for an award ceremony of his before in the almost 6yrs we have been together. It was really awesome! I was able to get pictures and be all proud of him. Then got thanked for coming by his commanding officer (that's always awkward for me.) He was awarded another ribbon as well during the ceremony. He was given a NAM (navy achievement medal). This brings him up to 2. He is such a good sailor! To kinda celebrate because a friend of ours that he works with got an award to we all went to red lobster. I got a cup of lobster bisque soup and a half pound of crab legs (underwhelming btw, it turned out to be maybe 1/4 cup of meat). I also had 2 biscuits and half of a chocolate lava cookie with ice cream. The cookie had a hidden giant melt of chocolate on the inside! Holy mother of god it was nirvana on a plate. I think I might need another fill. It made me glad I worked out. I'm so glad I don't eat like that all the time. I would be 350lbs again.

It was a good day though and I am looking forward to furniture shopping this weekend. So thank you kitty! (the cats name the broke the table is Mr. Monster...appropriate?)

So have I hope everyone has a great weekend and while I am arguing with my husband about which table to get I will be thinking of you all and wishing I was here.

My poor broken table :(

09 March 2011

Anxiety Foot

I wanted to expand on my post earlier now that I have more time tonight. I would like to know if any of you ever get this way.

Sometimes the thought of going to workout makes me so nervous that I just want to run back home and hide under the covers. Never before have I ever gotten this nervous about working out. I don't know if its because I don't want to go work out or its because I think people are watching me. I just don't know. I hate getting so much anxiety over such a simple thing as going to work out. Once I get going I don't care about anything except what I'm doing and I know once I get to it I am glad to be doing it. I don't understand where the feelings are coming from. I used to have issues with crowds. I would get an anxiety attack and have to leave the area and allot of the time leave and go home. So these feelings are not new but the context is. I would really like to get to the bottom of it.
Also I am starting to doubt myself. I am self sabotaging. I do well at work and when I'm with the hubby, then I sneak food. I can't eat near as much as I could pre-band (thankfully) but the effect is still the same. Shame and self hatred, along with having so much food in me that I fell sick. I think as the weight comes off issues that I have subconsciously are coming to the forefront even if I can't recognize them yet. Old issues that have bit me in the butt in the past that I have just buried and not delt with. Thankfully with all the sabotage I have not gained, but I have not lost anymore either. I am hovering between 302 and 299. I love seeing that 2 and to keep it I think I am going to have to go back to therapy to deal with my issues. That in and of itself is a scary anxiety filled decision. I have done it before and would recommend it to anyone thinking about going. It has helped me a ton in the past and I am hoping it will help me a ton in the future.

I did not end up going to the gym today. I had an appointment that I totally forgot about. This might gross some people out. Warning given. I have a good handful of warts on the bottom of my left foot. They are getting to the point that they hurt to walk on. I went to see the doctor today to get them scrapped. I don't how many of you have ever had a wart scrapped but holy mother of golf balls it hurts. It took about 10 minutes and most of the time I head my head back and my eyes shut trying to ignore the pain as this guy took a scalpel to my foot to take skin off. After a few silent tear were shed I went limping out of the office and not able to put pressure on the toes or ball of my foot. I was not able to work out today. After the day I had at work today I really needed to workout. This whole thing sucked that thought out of my head real quick. Hopefully my foot will be in better shape tomorrow.
OK have a good night everyone and thanks for listening to my rambling.

If It Wasn't For Chris...

I would have never gone to the gym last night. Just like I haven't gone to the gym in just about a week. Chris is my personal trainer and if I wasn't paying his ass extra and I could've cancelled the same day I wouldn't have gone to the gym lst night. But I did go, and I am so glad I did. After that week off from the gym and being sick I was really working up a good amount of anxiety about going back to the gym. I told you I started running with my husband and we go to a different gym on base were we live. Every time we go to run I get so nervous about it before hand. I have even told him and I can't explain why I just do. But this whole little explanation was to tell you all I am so glad that I went last night because now I want to go again tonight. I just had to get back into it. Especially because today is one of those crap days that equals crap food. ( I am not liking my job today)

I just wanted to say that I didn't get to far around blog land today but I will try to say my 2 cents after I work out tonight. Love you guys

08 March 2011

Just Another Tuesday

Well the Spring Challenge has officially begun!
I sent in my starting weight last night after work. I really am just so excited to see who wins! All the people in this Challenge are so awesome. I had to enter a night weight. I was at 302.8 last night. This morning I weighed in at 299.8! I love typing out that 2. It's so awesome! I can't wait to see every ones new lows!

People are starting to make hard plans for BOOBS 2.0! It's exciting to read that people are officially coming. So many of you have been an inspiration for me. From bandsters in to their second year or people just starting out. Everyone of you has imparted your own little piece of wisdom. I learn so much from all of you every day. I can't wait to see all of you who can make it :)

For the last 3 weeks I have been craving Chinese food like crazy!! Finally last night we had Chinese food for dinner. Pork fried rice, sweet and sour chicken and crab Rangoon! So freaking good! I was up .4lbs this morning overall, which isn't bad. So this morning I had the breakfast of champions! The 3 left over pieces of the sweet and sour chicken and a flat left over diet coke. yumm! For lunch I am having some left over pork fried rice. After today I think my Chinese food craving will be sufficiently taken care of.  Everyone once and a while just has to give into those cravings or you will just eventually loose control and binge to the extent your band will let ya. At least that's how I work. A little depravity makes the occasional splurge so much more enjoyable!

Also it is Fat Tuesday! Apparently there is some kind of polish doughnut that is really popular to eat on fat Tuesday around here. I don't even know if its just around here either. It sounded yummy though. Well have a great Fat Tuesday!

07 March 2011


Happy Monday everybody. I had a nice weekend of recovery and monkey business. We went out to eat twice and I weighed in this morning at 300.0. So not to bad of a gain. I am going to start back at the gym today after being sick last week. I know it's not going to feel the greatest after taking such a long break from working out. Also this weekend I was noticing just how much of a difference 50lbs has made.

Also as I am looking around blog land this morning I am noticing that the spring challenge is starting and I don't have a picture to put up. I guess I will have to put mine up tonight. Time has just flown by. I didn't realise it was that time already. lol

What does 50lbs mean to me:

-sitting in a theater with my legs up, because its comfortable and i fit.
-not being scared to sit in a chair because it's to small
-being able to workout 5 days a week
-loosing 2 pant sizes.
-sitting on the edge of the bathtub with my feet up.
-more confidence
-less arguing with my husband
-more walks with the dog
-shoes fit better!
- not sweating my butt off when I have to run around at work
-I sleep better
-My husband says I snore a ton less
-I got the courage up to dye my hair again
-almost no heartburn, was taking prilosec every day
-my knees don't hurt anymore, unless I don't workout (weird right)

last but not least (feel free to think dirty)

-RIDE 'EM COWBOY! yep went there :)

04 March 2011

Checking In :)

I want to thank all you wonderful ladies for your comments yesterday. I would never have gotten this far without your support and friendship. I love you all! I can't wait to give you all a huge hug at BOOBS this year.
This morning nothing is really going on. I am sitting at work being bad already cause I am munching on a doughnut. I will factor it into my day of calories. Damn co-workers and there generosity. : P I do just want to curl back up and go to bed. I am still fighting this URI so I am just drained. The first thought I had when the alarm went off this morning was thank god I get to sleep in tomorrow.
I have not worked out once since Saturday. I feel horrible for slacking on it, but like my husband pointed out I will get right back to working out next week. Well as soon as I start feeling better. Like previously stated I am just looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow. lol
I have a funny little side story. At least I found it funny. We were laying in bed last night and cuddling, when hubby says "I can feel your ribs". I was thinking oh very cool. A noticeable sign that I have lost a good amount of weight. I didn't say anything though. He leans over and proceed to bite the end of my rib cage to prove he can feel them. "See, I can feel your ribs". Now what kind of man shows there wife they are losing weight by biting there rib cage to prove they can feel it. All I could do was laugh at him. That man sure does make me smile.
Until next time.

03 March 2011

Holy Crapoli

I was going to do a post this morning how my new goal was to reach the 50lb mark before my 3 month bandiversary and what I would do to get there. I realised this morning there was no need for it when I stepped on my scale.

That's right ladies and gents. I had another 2lb loss! This gets me to 2 milestones. This puts me at a 50.8lb loss and I am sitting pretty in the 200's!!!!! I weight less then 300lbs!!!! Can you believe it? I can't believe it. It makes me want to cry from joy!
Also just noticed this puts me at under 100lbs more to lose! Wow what a great morning!

I know I know, some of you might be saying, well you have been sick. Of course you are going to lose weight if you can't get to much food down. I have been taking in more calories in liquid then I usually do. I have been getting about 1600 - 1800 calories a day for the last 2 days. Broth, protein shakes, pudding (sugar free). for dinner on Tuesday I was actually able to get a slice of pizza in and last night I had turkey and noodles. So I haven't been starving.

Morale of the story is...I am officially under 300lbs and hell frickin ya it feels fabulous!!!
Bye bye 300 club. I will not miss you : D

Also keep your fingers crossed for the hubby. He is trying to drop below 200lbs this week.

I do still feel a little crappy. I am coughing up stuff now which is a good sign. Blowing my nose allot and using lots of hand sanitizer at work today. Lets just hope the patients don't complain.
Thank you all for the well wishes.

01 March 2011

A Day on The Couch

Still sick today. This morning I woke up and everything hurt, my head, my throat, my sinus's and my muscles. i am home for the day. I took some mucinex D and drinking lots water. The doctor yesterday said I have a URI (upper respiratory infection). I never thought a URI could take you out like this. It sucks.

This morning I woke up and went to the bathroom and saw the scale and even though I was up 2lbs yesterday stepped on the scale. To my huge surprise I was down 4.4lbs from yesterday. Putting me at a new low! 302.6!! I am so close to being under 300lbs now I can taste it. I can't wait to see 299lbs that will be a great day to celebrate.
My band is tight today again. Yesterday I tried eating boiled eggs (haven't had any issues up till now) they came back up into the toilet.  It's crazy how being sick affects my band. I am trying to stick to mushies and protein shakes today. We will see how that goes.

I am going to relax and watch I Dream of Jeannie and drink lots of water. I am so thankful for my weight loss! It's like the scale gods said hey she's not feeling well lets give something to smile about!
I hope you all have a great scale day and otherwise. :)