Peeps Against the World!!

I am not even close to were I will be some day but today I feel strong! I feel like I have it all together. Ok, it might just be the adrenaline and endorphins talking from my workout an hour ago, but I feel strong. When I go to the gym and push myself farther then I have in a long time it gives me hope. When I get 826 calories burned in 45 mins I feel that I will not fail. When I eat right all day then have a great dinner, I feel like I can fight this battle forever.

...again it could just be the endorphins.

When I do what I am supposed to do in my head I can take on the world and bake a cake at the same time. ( a low fat sugar free cake of course )

I don't know were this is all going except that I feel good.

I saw today that over 80lbs was lost in the first week of the suddenly spring challenge...Wow! I am so proud of everyone! Careful though I am going to catch up now that I am back in full swing.

School starts next week so I am going to have to really push myself not to slack on my eating and time at the gym. I will have class on T/Th from 5-7:30pm and W from 5-10pm (not looking forward to those days. I am taking a math and psychology course. There are 8 week classes. Pray for me everyone I am going to need all the help I can get! I am thinking I will have to move my workout schedule to as follows: Mondays and Fridays at 3:30pm, Tuesdays and Thursdays at 8pm and then Saturday whenever I make it out of bed. In between there I will have to work and do homework as well. Not sure how this will all work out yet but I am going to try. Also I have to prepare all my meals the day before so I am eating good for me food and staying within my calories. I don't know how all you guys with kids do this! Your all modern day super women.

I haven't been commenting to much on peoples blogs lately and I feel like I am losing touch with my peeps! ( anyone else love those marshmallowy sugar coated birds as much as I do?)
I will do my best to stay in touch with everyone over the next couple of weeks. Please bare with me. I love you all like long lost family!!!

Well ta ta for now.
*HUGS*

Crouching Kitty, Hidden Chocolate

I finally went to the gym again yesterday! It felt so good! I burnt 786 cals on the treadmill. and I'm not sure how much I did on the row machine, but I did 500meters for a cool down. My left foot thankfully adapts to pressure by the end of the day so I could do what I wanted. I got to take my time and just go at my own pace. Again though that dread snuck up on me on the way to the gym. I also got so tired that I had to fight every bone in my body not to fall asleep while I was driving!. I even had to pump myself up sitting in the car in the parking lot to walk in the front door. It was nice to see other heavier ladies there. Even if only in the locker room  : /

After the gym I came home and was cleaning up some stuff in the kitchen. I heard this super loud crash! I turned around and somehow my 4lb cat knocked over and shattered my glass top dinning table!! How the hell does that happen! So I spent about 40 minutes cleaning that all up and have to go shopping for a new table this weekend. Overall I'm not to heartbroken about it because I get a new table but cleaning up all that glass was a nightmare.

Also yesterday my husband got a pretty nice award from his command (work) and I got to go to that. I have never had the chance to go for an award ceremony of his before in the almost 6yrs we have been together. It was really awesome! I was able to get pictures and be all proud of him. Then got thanked for coming by his commanding officer (that's always awkward for me.) He was awarded another ribbon as well during the ceremony. He was given a NAM (navy achievement medal). This brings him up to 2. He is such a good sailor! To kinda celebrate because a friend of ours that he works with got an award to we all went to red lobster. I got a cup of lobster bisque soup and a half pound of crab legs (underwhelming btw, it turned out to be maybe 1/4 cup of meat). I also had 2 biscuits and half of a chocolate lava cookie with ice cream. The cookie had a hidden giant melt of chocolate on the inside! Holy mother of god it was nirvana on a plate. I think I might need another fill. It made me glad I worked out. I'm so glad I don't eat like that all the time. I would be 350lbs again.

It was a good day though and I am looking forward to furniture shopping this weekend. So thank you kitty! (the cats name the broke the table is Mr. Monster...appropriate?)

So have I hope everyone has a great weekend and while I am arguing with my husband about which table to get I will be thinking of you all and wishing I was here.

*HUGS*



My poor broken table :(



My Love For C3

My eye's have opened and shockingly I am standing in front of the vending machine at work. I figure well if I'm here I guess I will get something. I stare at the contents for a while and have the internal fight of do you need this? My stomach saying get the Reese's pieces, your running today they cancel each other out. My mind says you better not if you are going out for dinner tonight. So they compromise and my eyes find the lifesavers. I put the dollar in the machine and push H1...nothing happens, I push it again...nothing happens. My sorrow! The H button is broken. The internal battle begins again this time, well you have to get Reese's pieces now you will never get your dollar back. Then out of the corner of my eye what do I see...my saving grace! C3 you are perfect! 70cals and 12g of protein! Oh C3 where have you been all my life? Hiding between the Ho Ho's and the Pop tarts? I got your number now C3, I will be back for you again. I reach down, through the door..."Hello beef jerky!"

Oh Puff n' Stuff...BYOC

I want to thank everyone who commented on my post from yesterday. It was quite the interesting day. I ended the day with chili and cupcakes. The chili is a Biggest Loser recipe I found a while ago that my husband and I just love! Very filling and only about 160cals per serving. I add a scoop of unflavored protein powder to it just to kick it up a bit, even though it already has a ton of protein in it anyway. I made the cupcakes for a friend. She is having a candle party on Saturday so I am bringing them to that. I know she will love them. (side note: She and her hubby just found out they were preggo after trying for just over a year. So excited for them)

Overall not to much going on this morning. Another busy day at work, with me stealing a few minutes to post and eat some oatmeal. My restriction is doing great! I still get hungry before I should sometimes but really only when I start drinking water to soon after I eat. I don't know how some people with good restriction can drink with there meals. I physically can't or I will get stuck. It feels like everything trys to get forced down through the opening and it hurts allot. I sit there and I slime and spit allot and be very ladylike in the process. Such a wonderful part of having the band.

I am very sore today. I am going to take it easy this afternoon for my workout. Only a little running. I was thinking to myself just how much of a difference losing 45lbs makes! It's freaking crazy! I know for a fact that I would never be able to do the stuff that I can do now if that weight was still on me. I am so thankful for my band. I love it! I am in love with it...we are getting married! Just don't tell my hubby :)

I really started noticing a difference last week while taking my Vitamin D. I wasnt as tired all the time and I actually was more productive at work. I have been so tired the last couple of days and I know it was because I stopped taking it this week. The last couple of days I have started to feel really sluggish and today very tired. So I will have to start taking it again. It really helps.


BYOC!!!!!

1.Are you a heavy or light sleeper?

I used to be a heavy sleeper but going through boot camp trashed that idea. I hate being a light sleeper it sucks!

2. If you were made into a professor for a day, what topic would you lecture on?
I'm not sure. I think I would focus somewhere in the military realm and help out all the new military wives. Teach them how to act as a wife and just the basics in making your way around base and the terminology. Just because it is such a different life.

3. What’s a skill you’ve always wanted that you don’t currently have?
I wish I could run forever! I wish I could be a in a marathon and win. I could probably some day get to the point to maybe do one but winning is a different story.

4. Have you ever been in a real cat fight?
Once in high school. A chick insulted my family and I was in a bad mood so I slammed her head into the window on the school bus. Never got in trouble for it. I don't know if you consider that a cat fight or not though.

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in real life and in blog land.
In blog land everyone seems to be getting back on track with diet and excersize and shedding the weight. BOOBs is a huge topic still and people are starting to find room mates for the event. So looking forward to it!
In real life things are busy with work, working out and getting ready for classes to start next month. I have the candle party this weekend and a trainers appt. Hubby is doing great too he lost 2lbs this week! So excited for him! He is also starting his first semester at the same college I will be attending. Lots of stuff going on.



That's all for now my wonderful followers! I hope you all have a great weekend! I will hopefully be on tomorrow if I get a chance. Between the trainer at 1200 and a candle party at 1. I will do my best.
*HUGS!*

Weekend Fun and Faux Reese's Cup

My early valentines surprise was a success. I took hubby to Medieval Times. It was so much fun. The tickets we had bought got oversold so we were upgraded to the front row and given free drinks, program, team banner and DVD. The staff was awesome! Needless to say we got a little snockered. I stepped on the scale this morning and it read 310.4. I know this is from being bloated and starting my weight training hard core this last week. Right now I am focusing on how my pants fit when I take them out of the dryer and put them on. I had the best moment this weekend too. My husband gave me a hug and said "I can reach farther around you" and hugged me harder. I asked him to show me about much bigger I was before and it was quite the loose grip. So I asked him to hug me again, it was a great moment :) Last week the hubby had snuck into the house a tub of cookie dough. He had hide it from me until this weekend. DH has been trying to loose a few pounds along with me. When I found that tub I threw it in the trash. He wasn't to happy about but I made him a snack to compensate. Faux Peanut Butter Cups!! I will give you all the recipe. 1 cup cool whip free 4tbsp PB2 salt to taste 2 packets truvia Low fat or fat free chocolate syrup Cupcake pan foil cupcake liners reconstitute 2tbsp of the PB2 according to package directions. Mix reconstituted PB2 and cool whip together. Add the rest of your PB2 (do not reconstitute before adding), salt and truvia. Combine until mix is smooth. Put your liners into the cupcake pan and distribute PB2 and cool whip mix into 6 cups. After you put your filling into your cups just bang your cupcake pan on the counter a couple of times to make sure the mix is level. Take your chocolate syrup and pour into each liner just enough to cover the top of your mix completely. Put these into the freezer for a couple of hours then enjoy! These things are so yummy! They are only 50-60 calories each depending on how much chocolate syrup you use. Compared to the real thing which is 210 calories a serving. These melt relatively fast so if your going to take them out of the freezer your going to want to eat them right away. Also if you want them sweeter a good substitute for whip cream is marshmallow fluff. a little higher in sugar content but no calories. I hope you enjoy these as much as we do :)

Phat Snow Hiccups

We are expecting a huge storm today and tomorrow. It has been said by the nation weather service that the storm is potentially life threatening. My work is shutting down the building for general services but some of the military staff are staying over night to make sure that the kids at boot camp get taken care of. The rest of the base is essential employees only. I guess we are in for a whiteout. The snow here began yesterday afternoon and there was about 2 inches on the roads this morning on the way to work and it was still snowing. Have I told you all how much I hate this state yet? Well I really hate this state, not only because of the snow but that is a huge factor right now. I will go into that at another time I guess. In all we are stocking up on essential non cook food, in case the power goes out and I already own stock in candles so we are good in that department :P I want to thank all of you for your comments on my mini goal yesterday. It really means allot to me to have you all cheer me on and be happy for me. This brings me to an issue I have read on others blogs...Why do people discount my weight loss just because I have a band. I don't have good restriction yet. I still get hungry all the time. I am only eating 1200cals a day. I still have to work out 5-6 days a week. I make healthy choices everyday. I might slip up from time to time but I go right back to plan. I am still putting my heart and soul into this. My husband who is a computer nerd tells me I have cheat codes! I know he is proud of me for putting allot of work into it but even my hubby, who has watched me struggle to get this far plays down my loss. It is so frustrating! Just because I had weight loss surgery doesn't mean my weight loss is guaranteed. Why is it that people don't get this? In the scheme of things it doesn't matter what everyone else thinks but it makes you just want to scream. Hiccups....ugg. I get them after every meal I eat that I eat to fast. So almost all of them at this point. Does anyone else have this nifty little issue? I joke that its a good thing so in case I ever try to eat food to fast to try and hide it my hubs will be able to tell. I will start hiccuping right up the stairs. lol or at dinner at a restaurant. Well weather permitting I will try and post tomorrow if we have power. For everyone else that lives in the general area good luck and hold on tight :)

Drunken NSV and Sentiment

I had an awesome NSV on Friday night. On Friday, during work, my husband text me and asked if I wanted to go to Red Lobster for dinner and I was all over that! I love me some crab! Before we got our food I had 3 big glass size vodka and cranberries ( I know, bad Shannon). I haven't drank that much in a long time. We were having a fun night out and I enjoyed my 3 crab legs and cheddar bay biscuit. The restaurant is right next to the mall so we decided to go to the mall to walk off our dinner and drunken state. I went into torrid to look at shirts. I have never been below a size 3 in torrid shirts. My husband just hands me a shirt while I was in the dressing room and says to try it on. It looked fabulous, I was doing my little turn in the mirror and he told me it was a size 2!!! A 2!!! I was so elated! So that was my drunken NSV for Friday. After that we went and picked up some yoga stuff that I have been needing for my work out video. On the way home I finally got the guts to tell my husband how much I love and appreciate his support in all of this. I started blubbering like an idiot and he kissed my hand and said he appreciated me to. He didn't say it but in his own way let me now that he wouldn't want it any other way. We have come a long way in the last year. We had hit a rocky patch that almost ended our marriage. I am so glad we are stubborn enough to have worked through it. I love that man so much there aren't words to truly express it. Today I went to a friends for a baby shower, a lot of people were there that I haven't seen since before my surgery. I got so many compliments, it felt awesome! Frustration has been building for a while now with my lack of restriction, but the last 2 days make me remember that I am getting to were I want to be even if I don't have good restriction yet. It will all just take time. This weight didn't get put on over night and it's definitely not going to come off over night. I have learned so much from these last couple months, from doing things on my own and from all of the blogs I follow. I wouldn't change all of this for anything in the world. I have grown as a person and a wife. I am truly happy, not because I am losing weight (a bonus) but because I am growing as a person and rediscovering who I can really be. I hope all of you have a great rest of your weekend. :)

Still NO Restriction :(

So I went and got my fill yesterday. He put in the 1cc that I wanted, which is great! I have no restriction though still. I came home after and ate a pita pizza with chicken, mushrooms and onions on it and had no problem getting it down. Admittedly I took my time and ate it in about 25mins, but I wasn't full. I mean I wasn't hungry but I would have been able to eat more if I wanted to. So at 4.5cc I feel no restriction. I am sure that I will have to keep chewing properly because food will get stuck easier but other than that it is all very disheartening. This seems like a good amount of fill with no change in anything. I know the band is on there properly because of the almost PB thing a couple of weeks ago. I am hoping that I will be one of those lucky people that wake up one morning and for some reason the band will have gotten tighter and I have good restriction. This has been on mind ever time I eat and I kept forgetting to ask you all. Before the band being full meant not just being satisfied but that you didn't want to eat anything else. I could feel that my belly was full both mentally and physically. How do you know when your full with the band? I haven't eaten enough to get to that point yet and I was wondering if it is a different feeling. I am assuming it might be and I just don't understand the feeling yet. Any input?

Possiblities

315lb is holding on as long as it can. I hit .8 then .6 now I'm at .2, I think it's funny. I am deciding to take Ronnie's advice and post pictures sooner than 50lbs. I have 1 or 2 before pics that I am going to scan tonight, I will hopefully get some good pictures in this weekend, and have the comparisons up by Monday. I am eager to see them side by side. I was thinking on it and I might start doing pics at every 20lbs too. What do you all think is a good interval for pics? I go for my second fill today after work. The last couple of days I have been really hungry and shocked that the scale has moved in a downward direction. So I am ecstatic about getting this fill today. I am going to ask for 1cc and see if the doc goes for it. I would rather have to much fill for a day or so and have to come back to get some out then inch my way up to were I need to be and be hungry and risk gaining weight back right now. Does anyone else watch the food network and the cooking channel? I watch it like it's a religion. I love to see what else is out there in the world that I can try. Well I found this show last weekend called Hungry Girl. It's a whole cooking show about low calorie cooking. These recipes have a ton of food per serving too. Her recipes look really tasty. Tons of possibilities to try out. So go check it out :) ****update**** the fill went great and I am home eating dinner. I am eating a pita pizza very very very slowly as to not have any issues :) I got my 1cc that I wanted and I go back in a month for a f/u :)

Control, Maybe?

" I feel like I don't have any control over anything in my life, but the only thing I can control is what I eat" -Jodi, Heavy What profound words. It's sad because I know how she feels. My whole life has felt controlled by either someone or something, but not me. I was fat as a child and a teen till about 17yo. I was also depressed for a good chunk of my teen years and I still fight the good fight now. I have been through years of therapy and medications, outpatient and inpatient. I wish I knew then all the stuff that I know now. I know that a good portion of my weight gain came from exactly what Jodi said, I could control what I ate... When I was 16/17yo I lost about 80lbs. I was working and dating and making choices. I was participating in plays and musicals. I was being a normal teen for a change. I love my mom, and I know you read my blog mom, this is not meant to hurt you. It is merely the truth. I was sheltered to the point were my closet friends were my parents friends or there friends kids. I felt like I had to grow up to fast. I was always on a diet, always on a medication or vitamin to calm me down or focus. The only thing that wasn't control was how much I could eat. I remember at 11yo knowing I was fat and hating myself for it. When I moved at 15yo I was able to just be a teen. I joined the Navy and I saw it as being free! I was terrified, but I was all on my own. When I got married I was on top of the world. Then he got deployed and I had no control again. I lived in fear on a daily basis. I would watch the news and hear that a corpsman had died and I would eat because that's all I could control. My next 3yo were like this on and off till I lost a my job, my culture, and my pride, all because I couldn't lose or maintain my weight. Again all I could control was what went in my mouth. So I ballooned up to 350lbs. I have finally realized that I can't control everything although I still try :) I do know that I am only a short step away from falling back into my old habits and feeling like I cant control anything. I have my friends and my family to keep me on track and I have all of you and your support. So although sometimes I feel like I can't control things some days I no longer have to go out of control to control what I eat. :)

Lbs and NSV

I am pleased to say that my pesky TOM was teamed up with my scale. I stepped on the scale this morning just out of curiosity and low and behold I am at 315.8lbs!!! Putting me at 34.2lbs lost! This is not what I expected to see! My hubs was in the shower and I about scared the crap out of him when I yelled in joy. Also this morning after feeling so good about being down with my weight I tried on the pants that are the next size smaller in my drawer and they fit like a glove! I have been able to get them on for about 10lbs now but they have been uncomfortably tight, but that is not the case any longer. This was a wonderful NSV moment. So today we went to the mall and since those pants are a little holey I got a new pair of my new size and the next size smaller. such a great morning for me. I am not a huge picture taker at the moment but I will post update pictures along with my before picture when I hit the 50lb mark. Also I want to say thank you to everyone who left comments of support and encouragement, you really got me through this stupid TOM time.

Oops

I pulled a classic pre-band Shannon move last night.I was in the kitchen making dinner. I was chopping and measuring and sauteing and being all good with my food. (low cal mushroom and bacon quiche yum!) On the counter was a bag of my new favorite sesame sticks. I can have about a half a cup for under 200 cals so I love them. Well the whole time I was cooking away and being pleased with myself I ate half the bag of sesame sticks! I hadn't even realised I had done it until I was picking up and the quiche was in the oven. So needless to say my whole day of perfectly planed caloric tracking was blown. Why? Because then I had a piece of the quiche when it came out of the oven. I had to give myself a pat on the back for that one. It makes me see just how hard it is to reprogram your thinking process whether it be consciously or unconsciously. Training yourself to eat the right way is so hard! Today I am allotting for those pain in the butt sesame sticks because we are going to see a movie tonight. I cut down the calories in my morning protein shake from almost 500cals to under 300cals. lunch is about the same I am having a double helping of my low cal mushroom and bacon quiche (238cals) and I had a chobani strawberry yogurt for my morning snack attack. Btw I am so in love with chobani now! This one was the first one I have ever had and wow, love it. So this leaves me with a whooping 540cals for dinner :) which of course is going to partly be my theater snack of sesame sticks! O live and learn :)

I haven't gotten on the scale at all this week. Unlike some people who step on the scale everyday to see just how bad they are doing, when I don't like what I see I totally avoid the scale. At least now if I am having a bad scale relationship I don't eat whatever I want and avoid at the same time. So we will see how it goes. I have to weight in tomorrow unfortunately. I am in a weight loss challenge and I have to document on Saturdays. So at least once a week you will get a weight in.

Did Someone Say Vacation?

This picture is of a beach on St Thomas, Virgin Islands. Can you just picture me there? I could that's why I drew a little stick figure me with my picture face. A goal has been put into place by my wonderful husband (who am I to disagree) to go on a vacation to the Virgin Islands next feb-march time period. I drew myself in my goal weight bathing suit, pink of course! With a little martini in my hand! enjoying the warm sun and relaxing. I am going to work my butt off to be very close to goal so i can take as many pictures as possible. I stopped taking alot of pictures of myself and of me and hubby together because I hated how they turned out. I looked horrible. Not this time. I will document our first real vacation together like the camera is going obsolete. I am so excited!

Happy Commings and Goings

"Have patience, and endure"

-Shakespeare, Much Ado

Here we are 2 days left in 2010. Everyone is making resolutions and picking out a word to live 2011 by, but I don't see the need. Every year I make resolutions and promises that I swear I will succeed at. Well big surprise....I don't. This year has taught me allot of thing about myself, my marriage, my lifestyle. I don't want to resolve to do this and to do that, I want to take what I have learned about myself and my life and bring it with me. Yes I have goals for this year, and yes one of them is to loose weight. I have my Lap Band and I plan to work it for all it's worth but that's not a new goal. My focus is to go on with the goals I am already working on, like not putting off doing things with friends or my husband. I want to wear the shirt that someone says looks good on me, not put it back on the rack because it's out of my comfort zone. Also, my most important goal for a couple of years, be able to ride on a roller coaster with my husband. These like I said are not new goals, I have been working at these for a long time. Yes, 2011 will be the year I make all this happen but the ability to do this was put into motion in 2010. So I will bid 2010 goodbye with a mixture of relief and longing for all of the roads I traveled this year, for all the battles I fought, whether won or lost, for all the milestones surpassed and cut short. 2010 was the year my life started turning around for the better, mentally and physically. I leave you with another quote from William Shakespeare and wish you much fulfillment this new year on whatever journey you take.

"Courage and comfort, all shall yet go well"

-Shakespeare, King John

Dark Chocolate and Soap

Good morning all. I am 8 days pots -op and I am dieing to step on the scale! I have my follow up tonight so I will have to step on the scale then but I am going to try not to look. One of my hobbies is cooking, which I have mentioned before, but I think I am going to try getting back into a beloved hobby that I was making a little money at before. Soap Making. That's right you read it correctly. I am going to start making my soap again. I took a break because of all the expenses with surgery and the holidays but I am going to get back into the swing of things. In turn I hope this will keep my mind off of whats tastes so good in the kitchen like the wonderful dark chocolate a friend gave me because she didn't know what surgery i went in for. I am sure that I will post plenty of picks of my creations edible and non edible. Update on how I'm feeling today: Sore, very sore. I tried going a while without taking my pain meds because I don't like taking more medication then I have to. Today though my abdomen is achy and tight. stretching it out in the least is annoying. My incisions have scabbed over and the scabs are starting to come off a little. The rubbing from my shirts on the scabs has ripped a couple of parts of prematurely. Other than that eating well and sleeping well.