Anxiety Foot

I wanted to expand on my post earlier now that I have more time tonight. I would like to know if any of you ever get this way.

Sometimes the thought of going to workout makes me so nervous that I just want to run back home and hide under the covers. Never before have I ever gotten this nervous about working out. I don't know if its because I don't want to go work out or its because I think people are watching me. I just don't know. I hate getting so much anxiety over such a simple thing as going to work out. Once I get going I don't care about anything except what I'm doing and I know once I get to it I am glad to be doing it. I don't understand where the feelings are coming from. I used to have issues with crowds. I would get an anxiety attack and have to leave the area and allot of the time leave and go home. So these feelings are not new but the context is. I would really like to get to the bottom of it.

Also I am starting to doubt myself. I am self sabotaging. I do well at work and when I'm with the hubby, then I sneak food. I can't eat near as much as I could pre-band (thankfully) but the effect is still the same. Shame and self hatred, along with having so much food in me that I fell sick. I think as the weight comes off issues that I have subconsciously are coming to the forefront even if I can't recognize them yet. Old issues that have bit me in the butt in the past that I have just buried and not delt with. Thankfully with all the sabotage I have not gained, but I have not lost anymore either. I am hovering between 302 and 299. I love seeing that 2 and to keep it I think I am going to have to go back to therapy to deal with my issues. That in and of itself is a scary anxiety filled decision. I have done it before and would recommend it to anyone thinking about going. It has helped me a ton in the past and I am hoping it will help me a ton in the future.

I did not end up going to the gym today. I had an appointment that I totally forgot about. This might gross some people out. Warning given. I have a good handful of warts on the bottom of my left foot. They are getting to the point that they hurt to walk on. I went to see the doctor today to get them scrapped. I don't how many of you have ever had a wart scrapped but holy mother of golf balls it hurts. It took about 10 minutes and most of the time I head my head back and my eyes shut trying to ignore the pain as this guy took a scalpel to my foot to take skin off. After a few silent tear were shed I went limping out of the office and not able to put pressure on the toes or ball of my foot. I was not able to work out today. After the day I had at work today I really needed to workout. This whole thing sucked that thought out of my head real quick. Hopefully my foot will be in better shape tomorrow.
OK have a good night everyone and thanks for listening to my rambling.
*HUGS*

Reset Button

I am hitting the reset button today. This morning the scale read 312.2. The only thing I have done right this week is drink my water. I got a nifty new filter bottle :)Talk about your set backs though. I will not make excuses this time, like so many times in the past. I will not push the blame onto someone else, like so many times in the past. I will not fool myself and hide from the scale, like so many times in the past. My solution: I went to my "spots" (you know those spots that you put stuff that no one else can find) and threw out my half eaten bag of resses mini cups. I will avoid eating out at all costs. NO SODA!! I will restart logging my food on my Lose It ipod app. I will reschedule with my trainer because I had to cancel due to the blizzard here. Set backs like the one I had this week are not in the plan if I want to be down 60lbs by my 6yr anniversary. I know I am only human and we all slip up from time to time, but I don't want to be that person again. I have been in that place so many time when I hit 40lbs and everything all goes to hell. In my head all I am picturing is the little devil being picked up and flicked across the room lol. Overall though I had a fun weekend though. On Friday night the hubby and I went for dinner (fried fish and fruit) and drinks (2 huge cranberry and vodka). Then bowling for about an hour. ( I ate the leftovers when we got home :( Yesterday I did good until dinner (meatloaf and parmesan potatoes with biscuits, cant forget the gravy) We had friends over and I drank a couple pineapple, 7up and vodka drinks. We were up till about 3am. Today for the hangover cure that I never get we all went to Denny's. anyone here of the Meat trio? Chicken fried steak, bacon, sausage with eggs, hash browns and an English muffin (with hot chocolate). I didn't eat it all there but I just ate the leftovers about an hour ago. Also for lunch I had a breaded and fried leftover piece of that meatloaf. There you all have it in full food glory. I am not hiding behind my computer screen and pretend that everything was peaches and cream while my weight doesn't change on the ticker. Hopefully on Saturday I can report a back to 309 weight or lower. Hope you all had a great weekend, see you all in blog land tomorrow :) Oh I almost forgot. GO PACK GO!!! Update: PACKERS WIN THE SUPERBOWL!!!!!!! AAAAAA!!!!!!!!

Iron Superbowl

Happy Friday everyone. I am so tired I hurt! A couple week ago I told you all that I started taking vitamin D to help with weight loss and being tired all the time. Well I don't think it's working. Mainly because this morning I am so tired I hurt and feel nauseous. It's horrible. All I want to do is curl up in a little ball and go back to sleep. The last couple of days I have slept more than I usually do in a week I think. I think I am going to go have some labs drawn to see if I am fighting with my anemia again. By symptoms it makes sense but by diet it doesn't make any sense. I have been consuming 50 or more grams of protein a day. I know this doesn't account for iron levels but one can hope. So I will see how things go and make an appointment with my family practice doctor. I love her! She is awesome, unfortunately she leaves to go to her next duty station in June :( so sad.

The Superbowl is this weekend!!! GO PACK GO!!! I have decided that even if the packers don't win the Superbowl it's ok because we beat the Bears!! Yes I went there lol.

Go Ducks!!!

I am not from Oregon and I'm not a football fan really. I like the Green Bay Packers by parental association. Now I not only like but the love the Oregon Duck by marital association. Amazingly I don't have to change my colors :) My husband is from Oregon and on a normal basis could care less about football except when the 2 Oregon college teams compete in what is fondly called the civil war. This year though the Ducks have a 12 - 0 season and made it to the Tostitos National game. So of course we are watching the game and listening to him scream loudly in angst and joy at the TV, mixed in with calls from his family in Oregon saying "DID YOU SEE THAT!!!". So....GO DUCKS!!!

Morning after update: the Ducks lost by 3 points :(