Coasters, Cookies, and Pounds

About four months ago when I got my band I don't think I would have believed you if you told me I would be down 56.8lbs by the beginning on April. I would have been ok, that's a perfect world. But here I am! I am 2.8lbs away from my May 7th 60lb goal. I am so happy I made the choice to get my band. I am so happy I am changing my life! 

I made almond cinnamon sugar cookies this weekend and cinnamon apple crumble bread as well. I am sending half of the products to work with the hubs and I am taking half to my work. Over the weekend I had about four cookies, but I worked it into the days. I had nothing but a taste of the bread to make sure it came out ok. Very yummy by the way! I love to bake and cook and knowing that I have a new view of food and the world around me I can know I will be fine.

I will admit that I have not worked out in 2 weeks. Its hard to wrap my head around starting to work out again until I am down a couple more pounds. I also feel great about working out but horrible about the numbers going up on the scale. I know I know it will go down after the first week. I think I am so scarred to see that number go up that I am going to just fast walk around our neighborhood. That is about 2 miles. It will be good for the dog too. I'm justifying this all in my head so I know what your all thinking. Feel free to share your opinion.

This is going to be a the first of a few excited ramblings on six flags. We are buying season passes this year because I will finally be able to fit into the coasters again!! I am so freaking excited about that! Roller coasters have always been so fun for me! Then I couldn't fit into them for a couple years, it was embarrassing and demoralizing. I had lost about 40lbs at one part and almost fit but not quite. Now I know I will fit!!! So OMG I am thrilled for six flags this year!!!

Also I had a nice little NSV on Wednesday last week that I didn't share with you and Ronnie pointed that out. I was in my psychology class looking around and realized I was not the biggest person in there! I know that's kinda shallow to think but that realization felt awesome! I wish I could share my success with the people in my class that are heavy. I know I have a long way to go but I am starting to feel smaller.

Happy Monday everyone!

*HUGS*

Jump Around

Do you ever have one of those days were you just don't feel like eating? I am having that day today. I let myself get to the point of nausea and feeling sick till I ate something this morning. I woke up hungry at 0430 this morning and didn't want to eat anything. I get this kind of feeling allot when Aunt Flow comes to town. I get super hungry but feel like such crap that I don't want to eat. The idea of eating makes me feel sick. I always end up eating the wrong things those days and even though I don't want to eat I go over my calories. I know, weird.

I cant drink coffee after noon. I used to drink so much caffeine I would have physical withdrawal symptoms. Headaches and my hands would shake and I would get sick to my stomach. I have been off caffeine for so long that I can't drink it anymore without it interrupting my sleep. Last Wednesday I drank coffee for psych and slept like crap, yesterday...the same thing. On Tuesday I had a small cup as well and slept like crap. I have to leave coffee to its morning slot if I have any at all. I don't really need it. It's allot of sugar because I don't drink it black. It's a little sad though because every once and a while I like that taste no matter what time of day it is.

This morning I am back to 295. I didn't get to work out yesterday and I drank a ton of water and didn't even get 1200calories in. I maybe had 1000. I just wasn't in need of anymore. I had bought Reese's pieces for a little treat during class because I knew I had eaten way under my 1200 range. I never even opened the bag. Mind you those Reese's pieces have been on my mind all freaking morning! I have been good and only had 320cals with a liter of water. Mainly because I just don't feel like eating today. I am sure that will change when I go to eat something that's not liquid protein.

Classes are going great and I am actually enjoying them. Have a great Thursday everyone and don't let the caffeine monster take your body over.

*HUGS*

Blah Blah Blah

I woke up this morning and I didn't feel like getting out of bed. Whoever decided that the military had to get seen by a doctor at 0630 in the morning needs to be shot. I have to get up at about 0500 every morning and it sucks! I went to bed at a decent time but it still gets to you.

I also start classes today. I am not looking forward to not getting home till 8pm. Wednesdays are going to be my crappy days. I wont get home till about 10:30pm. I will have to sit through 5 hrs of psychology. I think caffeine might be in order for those days.

I have successfully avoided the scale now for 2 days. It's much harder then it seems. I am hoping that I will see results even if its only a pound. I am sick of being stuck here. I have made adjustments to get the results I want. I just think my body has to remember what we are trying to do here.  I am sick of feeling like I am on a diet. I thought my restriction was getting to a good point but not so much anymore. Especially after this weekend. I love my band because without it I would never be down what I am but I guess I'm still frustrated. I know my blog has been filled with weight loss woes lately. I will try to be more interesting soon I promise :) 

I will let you all know how school goes.

*HUGS*

A Fill Is In Order

Yesterday we went to Texas De Brazil and it wasn't worth it. I had a good time and the food was amazing but the overall experience wasn't worth it to me any more. I was able to eat way to much. I don't know were Phylis (my band) went for the night. Then afterword I felt like crap cause I was so overfull that I wanted to puke! I would say a fill is defiantly in order. Thankfully it was mostly protein. Carbs is what really kills me but holy crap I still cant believe I ate that much. I don't think I have consumed that much in one sitting since pre-band. I have an appointment in 1 week to get a fill. I am looking forward to it.

I am going to try my hardest not to weight myself again till next Saturday morning and see how this week goes. One I don't want to see how bad last night went and 2 I just need to give the scale a break. Stepping on it everyday isn't good for anyone.

Well it's Monday again and I have to head off to work. Hope you all have a great day!
*HUGS*

Peeps Against the World!!

I am not even close to were I will be some day but today I feel strong! I feel like I have it all together. Ok, it might just be the adrenaline and endorphins talking from my workout an hour ago, but I feel strong. When I go to the gym and push myself farther then I have in a long time it gives me hope. When I get 826 calories burned in 45 mins I feel that I will not fail. When I eat right all day then have a great dinner, I feel like I can fight this battle forever.

...again it could just be the endorphins.

When I do what I am supposed to do in my head I can take on the world and bake a cake at the same time. ( a low fat sugar free cake of course )

I don't know were this is all going except that I feel good.

I saw today that over 80lbs was lost in the first week of the suddenly spring challenge...Wow! I am so proud of everyone! Careful though I am going to catch up now that I am back in full swing.

School starts next week so I am going to have to really push myself not to slack on my eating and time at the gym. I will have class on T/Th from 5-7:30pm and W from 5-10pm (not looking forward to those days. I am taking a math and psychology course. There are 8 week classes. Pray for me everyone I am going to need all the help I can get! I am thinking I will have to move my workout schedule to as follows: Mondays and Fridays at 3:30pm, Tuesdays and Thursdays at 8pm and then Saturday whenever I make it out of bed. In between there I will have to work and do homework as well. Not sure how this will all work out yet but I am going to try. Also I have to prepare all my meals the day before so I am eating good for me food and staying within my calories. I don't know how all you guys with kids do this! Your all modern day super women.

I haven't been commenting to much on peoples blogs lately and I feel like I am losing touch with my peeps! ( anyone else love those marshmallowy sugar coated birds as much as I do?)
I will do my best to stay in touch with everyone over the next couple of weeks. Please bare with me. I love you all like long lost family!!!

Well ta ta for now.
*HUGS*

Green Tea And The Easy Way Out

I love tea. I used to be addicted to coffee for a couple of years. At one point I was up to 4 Venti size Starbucks coffees a day with 4 espresso shots in each one. Talk about a waist of money! I would spend $20 plus a day just on coffee.

I was brought up to drink tea. So once I weened myself off the coffee I went back to drinking tea. Hot Chi tea, black iced tea, gogi berry green tea, honey vanilla chamomile. Here is my tea stock right now. Its only 9 boxes.

My love is now strictly with tea. Add a little squeeze of honey and you have a perfect cup of tea. I recently heard that green tea is great for weight loss. I did a little reading and found some facts to back up the claim. More info here So I think I will try to drink more of my green tea then. I have a citrus green tea and a gogi pomegranate green tea. Very tasty. I did read for any benefit you nee to drink 3-5 cups a day. This should be a tasty experiment. :)

I debated weather or not to post today. This from being just disgusted with my progress, but that would have been the easy way out. And lots of times you will see a blog go silent because the person behind it doesn't want to talk about there lack of progress. Then they come back and say that exact thing. So here I am skipping a step. I am not happy with my progress. I saw that 299 and kinda went nuts I think. (as nuts as you can get with a band) I decided to let my gym anxiety get the best of my and found a reason not to go more then twice last week. I thought it was a good idea to eat 3 dunkin doughnut muffins in one day. I also thought it was a good idea to eat dessert after having a heavy calorie ridden meal. I stopped preparing my meals for the next day. I let myself think it was ok because "I would have eaten a ton more pre-band". I am getting back on track tomorrow. I don't want to be one of those people that is always getting back on track. If I had known how hard this would have been before getting banded I don't know if I would have done it. I am glad that I didn't know though because now I am here with 1/3 of my extra weight gone. It scares me to death that I will fail and end up back were I was. I am so sick of failing. It seems to be all I can see in myself lately.

That brings me to another topic. (bare with me this is getting to be a lengthy post) My husband told me he has noticed that the only thing I am happy about with myself lately is my weight loss. I have a huge lack of self esteem. I have always had issues with low self esteem and that is one of the things I went over with my therapist last year. My issues with self esteem started very young. I have always been really tall, so that started it. Then I got heavy and was always on a diet imposed on me by others. My weight has always been an issue for many parts of my family and they all put their 2 cents in about it.

anyway this is leading to the fact that he said being proud of myself doesn't have to come from a huge achievement. When I choose a rice cake over chocolate or carrots over french fries. He in his own way told me how proud of me he was and that I should give myself more credit. I am going to try and live up to the woman he sees in me. He has always made me be a better person just by being with me. So back to the self improvement drawing boards and build that self esteem.

Also we bought a new table this weekend after Thursdays kitty kung fu incident. Here is what we got. It's a nice counter height for my tallness.

I hope you all have a great day :)
*HUGS*

Crouching Kitty, Hidden Chocolate

I finally went to the gym again yesterday! It felt so good! I burnt 786 cals on the treadmill. and I'm not sure how much I did on the row machine, but I did 500meters for a cool down. My left foot thankfully adapts to pressure by the end of the day so I could do what I wanted. I got to take my time and just go at my own pace. Again though that dread snuck up on me on the way to the gym. I also got so tired that I had to fight every bone in my body not to fall asleep while I was driving!. I even had to pump myself up sitting in the car in the parking lot to walk in the front door. It was nice to see other heavier ladies there. Even if only in the locker room  : /

After the gym I came home and was cleaning up some stuff in the kitchen. I heard this super loud crash! I turned around and somehow my 4lb cat knocked over and shattered my glass top dinning table!! How the hell does that happen! So I spent about 40 minutes cleaning that all up and have to go shopping for a new table this weekend. Overall I'm not to heartbroken about it because I get a new table but cleaning up all that glass was a nightmare.

Also yesterday my husband got a pretty nice award from his command (work) and I got to go to that. I have never had the chance to go for an award ceremony of his before in the almost 6yrs we have been together. It was really awesome! I was able to get pictures and be all proud of him. Then got thanked for coming by his commanding officer (that's always awkward for me.) He was awarded another ribbon as well during the ceremony. He was given a NAM (navy achievement medal). This brings him up to 2. He is such a good sailor! To kinda celebrate because a friend of ours that he works with got an award to we all went to red lobster. I got a cup of lobster bisque soup and a half pound of crab legs (underwhelming btw, it turned out to be maybe 1/4 cup of meat). I also had 2 biscuits and half of a chocolate lava cookie with ice cream. The cookie had a hidden giant melt of chocolate on the inside! Holy mother of god it was nirvana on a plate. I think I might need another fill. It made me glad I worked out. I'm so glad I don't eat like that all the time. I would be 350lbs again.

It was a good day though and I am looking forward to furniture shopping this weekend. So thank you kitty! (the cats name the broke the table is Mr. Monster...appropriate?)

So have I hope everyone has a great weekend and while I am arguing with my husband about which table to get I will be thinking of you all and wishing I was here.

*HUGS*



My poor broken table :(



Anxiety Foot

I wanted to expand on my post earlier now that I have more time tonight. I would like to know if any of you ever get this way.

Sometimes the thought of going to workout makes me so nervous that I just want to run back home and hide under the covers. Never before have I ever gotten this nervous about working out. I don't know if its because I don't want to go work out or its because I think people are watching me. I just don't know. I hate getting so much anxiety over such a simple thing as going to work out. Once I get going I don't care about anything except what I'm doing and I know once I get to it I am glad to be doing it. I don't understand where the feelings are coming from. I used to have issues with crowds. I would get an anxiety attack and have to leave the area and allot of the time leave and go home. So these feelings are not new but the context is. I would really like to get to the bottom of it.

Also I am starting to doubt myself. I am self sabotaging. I do well at work and when I'm with the hubby, then I sneak food. I can't eat near as much as I could pre-band (thankfully) but the effect is still the same. Shame and self hatred, along with having so much food in me that I fell sick. I think as the weight comes off issues that I have subconsciously are coming to the forefront even if I can't recognize them yet. Old issues that have bit me in the butt in the past that I have just buried and not delt with. Thankfully with all the sabotage I have not gained, but I have not lost anymore either. I am hovering between 302 and 299. I love seeing that 2 and to keep it I think I am going to have to go back to therapy to deal with my issues. That in and of itself is a scary anxiety filled decision. I have done it before and would recommend it to anyone thinking about going. It has helped me a ton in the past and I am hoping it will help me a ton in the future.

I did not end up going to the gym today. I had an appointment that I totally forgot about. This might gross some people out. Warning given. I have a good handful of warts on the bottom of my left foot. They are getting to the point that they hurt to walk on. I went to see the doctor today to get them scrapped. I don't how many of you have ever had a wart scrapped but holy mother of golf balls it hurts. It took about 10 minutes and most of the time I head my head back and my eyes shut trying to ignore the pain as this guy took a scalpel to my foot to take skin off. After a few silent tear were shed I went limping out of the office and not able to put pressure on the toes or ball of my foot. I was not able to work out today. After the day I had at work today I really needed to workout. This whole thing sucked that thought out of my head real quick. Hopefully my foot will be in better shape tomorrow.
OK have a good night everyone and thanks for listening to my rambling.
*HUGS*

If It Wasn't For Chris...

I would have never gone to the gym last night. Just like I haven't gone to the gym in just about a week. Chris is my personal trainer and if I wasn't paying his ass extra and I could've cancelled the same day I wouldn't have gone to the gym lst night. But I did go, and I am so glad I did. After that week off from the gym and being sick I was really working up a good amount of anxiety about going back to the gym. I told you I started running with my husband and we go to a different gym on base were we live. Every time we go to run I get so nervous about it before hand. I have even told him and I can't explain why I just do. But this whole little explanation was to tell you all I am so glad that I went last night because now I want to go again tonight. I just had to get back into it. Especially because today is one of those crap days that equals crap food. ( I am not liking my job today)

I just wanted to say that I didn't get to far around blog land today but I will try to say my 2 cents after I work out tonight. Love you guys

*HUGS*

Yee-haw

Happy Monday everybody. I had a nice weekend of recovery and monkey business. We went out to eat twice and I weighed in this morning at 300.0. So not to bad of a gain. I am going to start back at the gym today after being sick last week. I know it's not going to feel the greatest after taking such a long break from working out. Also this weekend I was noticing just how much of a difference 50lbs has made.

Also as I am looking around blog land this morning I am noticing that the spring challenge is starting and I don't have a picture to put up. I guess I will have to put mine up tonight. Time has just flown by. I didn't realise it was that time already. lol

What does 50lbs mean to me:

-sitting in a theater with my legs up, because its comfortable and i fit.

-not being scared to sit in a chair because it's to small

-being able to workout 5 days a week

-loosing 2 pant sizes.

-sitting on the edge of the bathtub with my feet up.

-more confidence

-less arguing with my husband

-more walks with the dog

-shoes fit better!

- not sweating my butt off when I have to run around at work

-I sleep better

-My husband says I snore a ton less

-I got the courage up to dye my hair again

-almost no heartburn, was taking prilosec every day

-my knees don't hurt anymore, unless I don't workout (weird right)

last but not least (feel free to think dirty)

-RIDE 'EM COWBOY! yep went there :)

Checking In :)

I want to thank all you wonderful ladies for your comments yesterday. I would never have gotten this far without your support and friendship. I love you all! I can't wait to give you all a huge hug at BOOBS this year.

This morning nothing is really going on. I am sitting at work being bad already cause I am munching on a doughnut. I will factor it into my day of calories. Damn co-workers and there generosity. : P I do just want to curl back up and go to bed. I am still fighting this URI so I am just drained. The first thought I had when the alarm went off this morning was thank god I get to sleep in tomorrow.

I have not worked out once since Saturday. I feel horrible for slacking on it, but like my husband pointed out I will get right back to working out next week. Well as soon as I start feeling better. Like previously stated I am just looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow. lol

I have a funny little side story. At least I found it funny. We were laying in bed last night and cuddling, when hubby says "I can feel your ribs". I was thinking oh very cool. A noticeable sign that I have lost a good amount of weight. I didn't say anything though. He leans over and proceed to bite the end of my rib cage to prove he can feel them. "See, I can feel your ribs". Now what kind of man shows there wife they are losing weight by biting there rib cage to prove they can feel it. All I could do was laugh at him. That man sure does make me smile.

Until next time.

*HUGS*

A Day on The Couch

Still sick today. This morning I woke up and everything hurt, my head, my throat, my sinus's and my muscles. i am home for the day. I took some mucinex D and drinking lots water. The doctor yesterday said I have a URI (upper respiratory infection). I never thought a URI could take you out like this. It sucks.

This morning I woke up and went to the bathroom and saw the scale and even though I was up 2lbs yesterday stepped on the scale. To my huge surprise I was down 4.4lbs from yesterday. Putting me at a new low! 302.6!! I am so close to being under 300lbs now I can taste it. I can't wait to see 299lbs that will be a great day to celebrate.

My band is tight today again. Yesterday I tried eating boiled eggs (haven't had any issues up till now) they came back up into the toilet.  It's crazy how being sick affects my band. I am trying to stick to mushies and protein shakes today. We will see how that goes.

I am going to relax and watch I Dream of Jeannie and drink lots of water. I am so thankful for my weight loss! It's like the scale gods said hey she's not feeling well lets give something to smile about!

I hope you all have a great scale day and otherwise. :)

Weight Loss Challenge

YaY for challenges! Take a look!

Off to the gym now ladies and gents. Love ya!

No Idea What To Name This Post :D

First things first, I want to say welcome to all my new followers!! I see my numbers have taken a little jump in the last day. I am looking forward to getting to know all of you :D Also I am only waiting for 1 more person to follow my blog and I will set up my giveaway! Holy cannoli batman, I am sore today! I did 45min fast paced walk on the treadmill last night at a 10 incline. Parts of my body hurt that I didn't know were even being used! My arms for one are killing me, and my abs! I can understand my arms because towards the end I will admit to hanging on for dear life so I could finish but my abs astound me. They hurt more then when I use the ab machine during circuit training. I love this overall body ache though. Such a good feeling to know that you are doing right by your body instead of trashing it all to hell. To be honest my body even feels smaller, I'm sure that's all in my head though :) It's nice today that we are busy at work too. If it was a slow day I would just be sitting in the chair getting all stiff from my sore muscles. Since I am running all over the building and up and down the halls dealing with patients I am all limber. Such a funny word....Limber :P I wanted to share with you a blog that I love, he makes me laugh on a regular basis. Jack Sh*t Getting Fit. His post today was awesome and I am putting it up in my kitchen so I have it to read whenever I get head hunger. I have my 3rd fill tomorrow. I am glad I had this long gap between my fills this time. It let me gage more of were I was with my band. I have to say that after eating a HUGE soft taco last night I defiantly need a good sized fill. I am looking forward to it. Weird right? How many people look forward to getting a huge needle in there abdomen. Also I started taking my iron again. It's been about a week and I am most certain that was the reason I was tired all the time. At least a combo of that my vitamin D and my multivitamin. I have been awesome in the mornings now. A little sleepy but no where near taking all my effort to just stay awake. I think the uping my work outs has helped too. I am so glad that has been solved. I hope you all have a wonderful day! update: wow in the time it took me to post this I hit 50 followers. I guess we will have a givaway on Friday!!! YAY!!!

Training Day

I promised all of you I would tell you how my session with the personal trainer went......I loved it!!! The lady I have is amazing. She is personable and willing to push me. I even told her that I had WLS and she was supportive of it. She went through some of the weight machines that she wants me to do on my own 2-3 days a week, the machines aren't her norm so she wanted me to have a good base to strength train separately. That took up most of the session, and at the end we did step-up (that's what I am calling them). You step up onto a platform that is just below knee high and bring your other knee up to your chest as far as you can. Those are killer!!! Today I am so sore. I love that sore feeling because it means that I did everything I could and then some. I got there early to do a warm up on the elliptical. Great NSV moment for me! I did 2 miles in 25mins! I know that doesn't sound like allot but I haven't been able to get 2miles in under 30mins in a long time. I am so proud of that! So other then the trainer not to much going on today. Another day at work, another dollar earned. It's only Thursday, I was really hoping it was Friday this morning when I woke up. Oh well. I wish I could work from home and set my own hours. How awesome would that be! I hope you all have a great day. I will be drifting around blog land through out the day. p.s. I just wanted to add that after my workout I felt amazing! I was all happy and relaxed! I love that feeling! I used to get like that when I would work out while I was in the navy and I am so happy that it's back!!