Scale: A Love Story

I hit my mini goal this morning! The 40lb mark! 40.4 to be specific. I am just so thrilled!! I totally skipped 310 and went straight to 309.6!!! So from here on out I will be reaching new lows every time I step on the scale! Here is my montage to 40!!!

Also this puts me at another mini goal. My BMI is back in the 30's as well! 39.7! This is just a great morning so far! I hope everyone has as good a Monday morning as I am having!

Also this was a busy weekend. I had taxes and date night on Friday, I really recommend the movie No Strings Attached. Then on Saturday I spent all day finishing a baby blanket for Sunday and cleaning and doing chores. Then on Sunday I put a couple last touches on the baby blanket and went to a baby shower were I stuffed myself with lettuce lol. Busy weekend but a fun one. Although I feel slightly more tired than I did Friday I think. :)

I'm a Jumper BYOC

First of all I have to say that after updating myself in the blog world that my prayers go to Barb and her family. I don't know her but I know what it feels like to loose someone you care for to cancer. I hope that she knows how many people are keeping her in there thoughts. I have noticed a pattern here....my body will be "I don't like you today" and be up 3-4lbs. Then all of a sudden it will drop lower than it had been before. Granted that day is not today but hey like I said yesterday, I claimed that 311 with a vengeance!! So I am a jumper. Frustrating sometimes but kinda cool in the long run. I decided to take a page out of Drazil's book today and do a BYOC (bring your own crazy). Here we go :) 1. Do you believe in love at first sight?• YES! I was on the receiving end of such an event. My husband had seen me during a training event when we were both baby sailors of 18yrs old. He found out who knew me and tricked me into going out with him. 2 months later we got married :) We are going on 6yrs in May, and I am happier then I have ever been. 2. What’s your idea of a romantic evening?• Going out for a small dinner no where fancy, just hanging out with the man and being together. We are truly best friends so just hanging out and talking is perfect for me. 3. Who was your first crush?• I honestly don't remember. I think it was my next door neighbor who was older then me, but I'm not sure. 4. What do you believe is a stronger emotion – love or hate?• Like other people who have posted this question today I don't have a definitive standing on this. I wish I did because then I might be closer to figure this crazy world out. 5. Repeat question: Summarize your life in blog land and in real life. Well in blog land things have been somber in respect and support to Barb who I mentioned. I have had a couple people start following my blog this week and I want to say thank you so much! The more the merrier, I hope I provide you all with the kind of insight that I was able to get from my bandster elders. In real life things have been great! although work is annoying things have mellowed out a bit and are getting better over all. At home I have my wonderful man and my babies (the dog and cats). Workouts have been going good. they honestly could be better but I have the rest of my life to keep improving. I hope you all have a great weekend if I don't show up this weekend. :)

Ugg...Workouts

This 6 day in a row workout is kicking my behind! I accepted the challenge so its time to march my butt upstairs and get to it finally. I went upstairs about 2hrs ago to go work out and it didn't happen, then an hour ago and it didn't happen, so its going to happen now. I wonder how Drazil is doing on her end?

A New Low!!!

Well folks I saw my lowest number on the scale this morning since I have been out of the Navy...311.8. I saw it so therefore I am claiming it!!! It's mine!!! No one can tell me different!!! At least until my insecurities get the best of me tomorrow on the doctor's office scale :)This brings me to a total loss of 38.2lbs!!! I have 5 more day to hit 40lbs by February and by golly I am going to try my damnedest to get there! 311 and I have had a history before. In 2008 I had lost just about what I have lost now and then it all went to hell. That was my most successful diet to date. Now it feels so good that I am not giving up like I did before. All I have to say is watch out world this fat wife is slowly shedding her blubber! Drazil challenged all her readers to work out everyday for the last 6 days of January starting yesterday. So I got right on the elliptical when I got home from work and turned on the fast paced music. After that I almost threw up because I was trying to keep up with the beat the whole time. lol Scared the crap out of my dog running to the bathroom. I didn't do any weights last night just my 40mins of cardio. We also went to dinner last night at Chili's. I got the Fajita Trio and just ate the meat and veggies. YUMMY! Yep I ate the whole thing! Which is still a ton less then I would have eaten pre band. Of course I was really hungry and ate to fast without chewing well enough and almost PB'd. I am so scared of PBing and messing up my band because I just can't ever seem to remember to chew my food. I had this problem allot before I got banded. Both my husband and I have this mentality that we have to eat every meal as fast as we can and get on to whatever it is we are doing next. I think it has to do with the fact that we are military and for a long time both of us had to eat that way. It is a challenge to change this habit. I am sure though that after enough times of almost PBing I will learn my lesson.

Blog Award

Well it's award time again! I know twice in less then a week :) This award is a little different then the last one. I wanted to acknowledge the people who I feel leave me the most feedback, So I made my own award to give out. If you would like to pass this award on then you have to complete the following:

List 5 goals that you have/had while on your lap band journey. Comment on each blog you nominate and list your top 3 commenties for the award. I will start the ball rolling for you to give you an idea what I mean.

Goals: 1. Lose 30lbs by 01Jan2011 (completed) 2. Lose 60lbs by my 6 year anniversary. 3. Be able to have clothes to go to the STP (sisterhood of the traveling pants)

4. Go on a roller coaster with my hubby this summer. 5. Work out 6 days a week

Nominees:

1. Anne from Carb Tripper

2. Amanda from Amands'a Waning

3. Ronnie from Ronnie's Bandumentary

Ok ladies your up!

Also I want you all to go over and visit a soon to be bandster. Show her all the support and friendship you have shown me :)

A Lot About Nothin

I want to thank you all for the wonderful comments I received yesterday. It was kinda a last minute picture since I had promised you all some progress pictures. A face shot was all I got to. The pictures I had taken over the weekend didn't turn out like I had wanted so I will try for better ones over the rest of the week for full body. I feel the rest of my body has not taken to this weight loss as full force as my face has :) There is not much going on in my life at the moment. We are just trying to take care of taxes and and save for a trip to Oregon in late May or early June to see the hubby's half of the family. Also saving of course for our wonderful Virgin Islands vacations next winter. Last night the hubs and I were able to video chat on his IPod. We talked to his sister for a while and got to say hi to his grandparents. I love technology sometimes. It lets us stay so much better connected if we choose. His mom is very close to all of the kids and we haven't seen her in about a year so I think his sister might surprise her with a video chat with us. It will be really nice for her and for the hubs. Plus our nephew (who idolises my husband) will get a chance to say hi to him too. I didn't get a chance to work out yesterday, I was so bloated it was painful most of the day. Every time I took a step my lower abdomen would yell at me to lay back down. I ended up laying in bed most of the night and chatting on facebook or playing my Sims game. I had planned to start working out everyday this week but I guess my stomach had different plans. Oh well I guess I will start today instead. I will be starting with my personal trainer next week. I'm kinda nervous to be getting my butt kicked again. Looking forward to it :) My weight has been staying at 315 or so. I have started to log my food more, like I should have been doing from the beginning. I am aiming to be about 35 more pounds down before we go to Oregon. So I will be working my butt off for that day. That side of the family has never really seen me very thin. I can't wait to show myself off!

Face Pics :)

Before Face Oct 2010:

35lbs lost face 24Jan11:

It's Award Time

Good morning all of blog land. I would like to thank the academy and my agent Gustave for this marvelous award....? Any way I do really want to thank Ronnie for this wonderful award. She has been a great support through this process for me since we were banded so close together.

The rules for this award are to name 5 guilty pleasures and then give this award to 3 other bloggers. So here it goes: 1. Romantic Novels: I don't read them very often but it's not long before I am sucked into another book with a half naked man on the front.

2. Shopping: If I had all the money in the world I would shop till my feet fell off. I love having something different to ware all the time. (especially now that I am shrinking)

3.Getting My Hair Cut: I love going to the salon and having someone wash my hair and make me feel beautiful. It feels so good! 4. Chocolate: I think this is on every woman's list at some point or another. Give me a good piece of chocolate and it can make my whole day better! 5. Dates: I love going on dates with the hubby. We hang out at the house all the time, but when we go on a nice date and have a couple of drinks and just talk and be us there is no better time to be had.

My picks for this award are:

1. Grace from Grace's Fat Chance: She has come so far and she is a great person to look up to in this journey. 2. Amanda from Amanda's Waning: I know you already have the award ;) She has provided wonderful feedback throughout my short time as a bandster and been a great inspiration.

This last one is going to be a general: 3. Anyone who live in Oregon! Just because I have to give all the Oregonian a shout out because no matter what aspect of life you all just seem to find me. :)

Packers, Superbowl Bound!

The Green Bay Packers are on the way to the Superbowl! I am so excited! I can't wait to talk to all the Bears fans at work tomorrow about how we kicked Bears butt. YaY!!!

Drunken NSV and Sentiment

I had an awesome NSV on Friday night. On Friday, during work, my husband text me and asked if I wanted to go to Red Lobster for dinner and I was all over that! I love me some crab! Before we got our food I had 3 big glass size vodka and cranberries ( I know, bad Shannon). I haven't drank that much in a long time. We were having a fun night out and I enjoyed my 3 crab legs and cheddar bay biscuit. The restaurant is right next to the mall so we decided to go to the mall to walk off our dinner and drunken state. I went into torrid to look at shirts. I have never been below a size 3 in torrid shirts. My husband just hands me a shirt while I was in the dressing room and says to try it on. It looked fabulous, I was doing my little turn in the mirror and he told me it was a size 2!!! A 2!!! I was so elated! So that was my drunken NSV for Friday. After that we went and picked up some yoga stuff that I have been needing for my work out video. On the way home I finally got the guts to tell my husband how much I love and appreciate his support in all of this. I started blubbering like an idiot and he kissed my hand and said he appreciated me to. He didn't say it but in his own way let me now that he wouldn't want it any other way. We have come a long way in the last year. We had hit a rocky patch that almost ended our marriage. I am so glad we are stubborn enough to have worked through it. I love that man so much there aren't words to truly express it. Today I went to a friends for a baby shower, a lot of people were there that I haven't seen since before my surgery. I got so many compliments, it felt awesome! Frustration has been building for a while now with my lack of restriction, but the last 2 days make me remember that I am getting to were I want to be even if I don't have good restriction yet. It will all just take time. This weight didn't get put on over night and it's definitely not going to come off over night. I have learned so much from these last couple months, from doing things on my own and from all of the blogs I follow. I wouldn't change all of this for anything in the world. I have grown as a person and a wife. I am truly happy, not because I am losing weight (a bonus) but because I am growing as a person and rediscovering who I can really be. I hope all of you have a great rest of your weekend. :)

Still NO Restriction :(

So I went and got my fill yesterday. He put in the 1cc that I wanted, which is great! I have no restriction though still. I came home after and ate a pita pizza with chicken, mushrooms and onions on it and had no problem getting it down. Admittedly I took my time and ate it in about 25mins, but I wasn't full. I mean I wasn't hungry but I would have been able to eat more if I wanted to. So at 4.5cc I feel no restriction. I am sure that I will have to keep chewing properly because food will get stuck easier but other than that it is all very disheartening. This seems like a good amount of fill with no change in anything. I know the band is on there properly because of the almost PB thing a couple of weeks ago. I am hoping that I will be one of those lucky people that wake up one morning and for some reason the band will have gotten tighter and I have good restriction. This has been on mind ever time I eat and I kept forgetting to ask you all. Before the band being full meant not just being satisfied but that you didn't want to eat anything else. I could feel that my belly was full both mentally and physically. How do you know when your full with the band? I haven't eaten enough to get to that point yet and I was wondering if it is a different feeling. I am assuming it might be and I just don't understand the feeling yet. Any input?

Possiblities

315lb is holding on as long as it can. I hit .8 then .6 now I'm at .2, I think it's funny. I am deciding to take Ronnie's advice and post pictures sooner than 50lbs. I have 1 or 2 before pics that I am going to scan tonight, I will hopefully get some good pictures in this weekend, and have the comparisons up by Monday. I am eager to see them side by side. I was thinking on it and I might start doing pics at every 20lbs too. What do you all think is a good interval for pics? I go for my second fill today after work. The last couple of days I have been really hungry and shocked that the scale has moved in a downward direction. So I am ecstatic about getting this fill today. I am going to ask for 1cc and see if the doc goes for it. I would rather have to much fill for a day or so and have to come back to get some out then inch my way up to were I need to be and be hungry and risk gaining weight back right now. Does anyone else watch the food network and the cooking channel? I watch it like it's a religion. I love to see what else is out there in the world that I can try. Well I found this show last weekend called Hungry Girl. It's a whole cooking show about low calorie cooking. These recipes have a ton of food per serving too. Her recipes look really tasty. Tons of possibilities to try out. So go check it out :) ****update**** the fill went great and I am home eating dinner. I am eating a pita pizza very very very slowly as to not have any issues :) I got my 1cc that I wanted and I go back in a month for a f/u :)

Control, Maybe?

" I feel like I don't have any control over anything in my life, but the only thing I can control is what I eat" -Jodi, Heavy What profound words. It's sad because I know how she feels. My whole life has felt controlled by either someone or something, but not me. I was fat as a child and a teen till about 17yo. I was also depressed for a good chunk of my teen years and I still fight the good fight now. I have been through years of therapy and medications, outpatient and inpatient. I wish I knew then all the stuff that I know now. I know that a good portion of my weight gain came from exactly what Jodi said, I could control what I ate... When I was 16/17yo I lost about 80lbs. I was working and dating and making choices. I was participating in plays and musicals. I was being a normal teen for a change. I love my mom, and I know you read my blog mom, this is not meant to hurt you. It is merely the truth. I was sheltered to the point were my closet friends were my parents friends or there friends kids. I felt like I had to grow up to fast. I was always on a diet, always on a medication or vitamin to calm me down or focus. The only thing that wasn't control was how much I could eat. I remember at 11yo knowing I was fat and hating myself for it. When I moved at 15yo I was able to just be a teen. I joined the Navy and I saw it as being free! I was terrified, but I was all on my own. When I got married I was on top of the world. Then he got deployed and I had no control again. I lived in fear on a daily basis. I would watch the news and hear that a corpsman had died and I would eat because that's all I could control. My next 3yo were like this on and off till I lost a my job, my culture, and my pride, all because I couldn't lose or maintain my weight. Again all I could control was what went in my mouth. So I ballooned up to 350lbs. I have finally realized that I can't control everything although I still try :) I do know that I am only a short step away from falling back into my old habits and feeling like I cant control anything. I have my friends and my family to keep me on track and I have all of you and your support. So although sometimes I feel like I can't control things some days I no longer have to go out of control to control what I eat. :)

TMI and Sore Muscles

Good morning blog land! It is a groggy tired morning on this end. Not to mention sore and slightly nauseated. I am a little nauseous because I drank my protein shake to fast this morning. I get this way if I don't spread it out over about an hour :( So drinking any water right now is out of the question because I just will feel even more blah. Work is crazy this morning too. I am taking this moment to myself to update my blog curiosities though. I am so sore this morning! We did weights on Monday night. Yesterday was my break day so today we are going to do them all over again. Not that I want to look like this computer altered woman in the picture...gross. I talked about my workout theory a while ago, it is basically that 2 days after your workout you will be more sore then the day after. Until if you don't work out for about a week it gets all better. So that is my issue this morning as well. I commented on another blog this morning that I don't like the idea of working out until I am working out. Once I get into it I actually enjoy it to an extent. TMI Alert! I have had some issues with consistent BM's. I started using benefiber in my morning protein shakes at about 4x as much is recommended. Nothing. I will build up for about 2-3 days and then get 2 good ones in a day. It's very weird. I did notice that there are only 3g of fiber for ever 2tblsp of the benefiber. Which in my opinion is a rip off. I can get more fiber out of a fiber one bar. Granted there are more calories. Any suggestions would be fantastic because this has a major effect on my weight. I have noticed a good 2-4lb difference sometimes, not to mention it gets uncomfortable. Other than that things are pretty slow around here. I have a fill appointment tomorrow evening. I am hoping I get a better restriction this time around. I am almost to 40lbs and still aiming for 60lbs by May 7th. How cool would that be, 60lbs for our 6th anniversary! I don't know how do-able it is yet but hey I'm still going to give it a try :) Happy Hump Day everyone :)

Lbs and NSV

I am pleased to say that my pesky TOM was teamed up with my scale. I stepped on the scale this morning just out of curiosity and low and behold I am at 315.8lbs!!! Putting me at 34.2lbs lost! This is not what I expected to see! My hubs was in the shower and I about scared the crap out of him when I yelled in joy. Also this morning after feeling so good about being down with my weight I tried on the pants that are the next size smaller in my drawer and they fit like a glove! I have been able to get them on for about 10lbs now but they have been uncomfortably tight, but that is not the case any longer. This was a wonderful NSV moment. So today we went to the mall and since those pants are a little holey I got a new pair of my new size and the next size smaller. such a great morning for me. I am not a huge picture taker at the moment but I will post update pictures along with my before picture when I hit the 50lb mark. Also I want to say thank you to everyone who left comments of support and encouragement, you really got me through this stupid TOM time.

Weight In Day

I told you all yesterday that today was weight-in day. So here it goes. I weighed in this morning in my birthday suit at 318.8lbs. The scale has finally started moving in the right direction again! I will say honestly this was after my morning meeting with the john, but hey I'll take it :) Also I haven't calculated out my BMI since I started this journey. My starting BMI was 44.9, I am now down to a BMI of 40.1. I think that is quite a difference for 31.2lbs lost. It's a great feeling to be that close to a BMI in the 30's again. Overall I guess this mornings weigh in wasn't as dreadful as I thought it would be. Anyway last nights movie was awesome! We went to see The Green Hornet. I am a Seth Rogen fan most of the time but the actor that made the movie was Jay Chou (kato). Great pick for the movie. So my recommendation is go see it! Also for anyone wanting the quiche recipe from yesterday I got the recipe from the egg beaters website. :) Have a great Saturday everyone!

Oops

I pulled a classic pre-band Shannon move last night.I was in the kitchen making dinner. I was chopping and measuring and sauteing and being all good with my food. (low cal mushroom and bacon quiche yum!) On the counter was a bag of my new favorite sesame sticks. I can have about a half a cup for under 200 cals so I love them. Well the whole time I was cooking away and being pleased with myself I ate half the bag of sesame sticks! I hadn't even realised I had done it until I was picking up and the quiche was in the oven. So needless to say my whole day of perfectly planed caloric tracking was blown. Why? Because then I had a piece of the quiche when it came out of the oven. I had to give myself a pat on the back for that one. It makes me see just how hard it is to reprogram your thinking process whether it be consciously or unconsciously. Training yourself to eat the right way is so hard! Today I am allotting for those pain in the butt sesame sticks because we are going to see a movie tonight. I cut down the calories in my morning protein shake from almost 500cals to under 300cals. lunch is about the same I am having a double helping of my low cal mushroom and bacon quiche (238cals) and I had a chobani strawberry yogurt for my morning snack attack. Btw I am so in love with chobani now! This one was the first one I have ever had and wow, love it. So this leaves me with a whooping 540cals for dinner :) which of course is going to partly be my theater snack of sesame sticks! O live and learn :)

I haven't gotten on the scale at all this week. Unlike some people who step on the scale everyday to see just how bad they are doing, when I don't like what I see I totally avoid the scale. At least now if I am having a bad scale relationship I don't eat whatever I want and avoid at the same time. So we will see how it goes. I have to weight in tomorrow unfortunately. I am in a weight loss challenge and I have to document on Saturdays. So at least once a week you will get a weight in.

Did Someone Say Vacation?

This picture is of a beach on St Thomas, Virgin Islands. Can you just picture me there? I could that's why I drew a little stick figure me with my picture face. A goal has been put into place by my wonderful husband (who am I to disagree) to go on a vacation to the Virgin Islands next feb-march time period. I drew myself in my goal weight bathing suit, pink of course! With a little martini in my hand! enjoying the warm sun and relaxing. I am going to work my butt off to be very close to goal so i can take as many pictures as possible. I stopped taking alot of pictures of myself and of me and hubby together because I hated how they turned out. I looked horrible. Not this time. I will document our first real vacation together like the camera is going obsolete. I am so excited!

2nd Fill and Recipe

Allot of you know I had my first fill on the 7th of Jan. and that I am not feeling any restriction. So I called my surgeons office to see when I could go for another and I was scheduled for the 20th of Jan. I'm hoping that less then 2 weeks between fills wont affect anything adversely. I know I said yesterday I would hold out for a week,but things change. I am kinda glad my doc is aggressive with the fills because my insurance approval is only through July. I am hoping not to have to go in to many times for fills or un-fills. I'm hoping another fill will get me relatively close to my "sweet spot". I am a big fan of the biggest loser show. They stress low calorie high protein diets, especially if you are working out. We have tried a couple of there recipes and we loved 'Doc's Chili'. In season 2 this was a big favorite. So I though I would share their recipe with you :) 3c chopped yellow onion ( I used 1 yellow and 1 red) 1 1/4 lbs 99% lean ground turkey or lean turkey sausage 3c diced tomatoes (i used canned which is ok) 1 can (15 ounces) pinto beans 1 can (15 ounces) black beans 1 cup fat-free, low sodium chicken broth 2tbsp chopped garlic 2tbsp chili powder 1tbsp oregano 1tbsp cumin 1 tsp mustard powder 1/2c sliced black olives (i am not an olive fan so I left these out) 1/2c chopped scallions I chopped and cooked the onion to just translucent and then added the turkey to the onions to give it more flavor. I added everything else together in a pot and let it start to bubble away. When turkey is fully cooked add the turkey and onion mix to the rest of your ingredients. Let it simmer away for about 20mins. We added a mild chili packet to the chili at the end for a little more flavor. This only adds about 10cals per serving to the chili. This makes 12, 1cup servings Per serving: 150cals (add 10cals if you used the chili packet), 16g protein, 17g carbs, 3g sugar,2g fat (0 saturated), 20mg cholesterol. 150mg sodium (this will be higher if you add the seasoning packet)

Frustration!

Sorry this might get a little whinny... The scale is not moving! (in the direction I want it to). I have been on the scale every morning (begin scolding) and I finally thought I was going to drop below 31lbs. I was only .2lb away! .2!!! Then this morning I step on the scale and I am up 2lbs...not .2 away from were I want to be, but 2 whole freaking lbs more. I have started working out again. I have worked out almost every day! 30-40 of cardio and I am also doing a little for my arms, and I have added in a little yoga. I am eating how I am supposed to and the amount I am supposed to. No go though :( I know it probably has allot to do with the fact that Aunt Flow is here but it's so frustrating to go through surgery and lose the majority of my weight pre-op so far! I am seriously thinking I am going to have to cut back to only 1000cals a day again like I was doing for pre-op. It's just so annoying that I have gone through surgery and am still at a stand still! I thought that part of my life was over. I thought that having to struggle with working out and eating almost nothing was over! I don't know what to do anymore. This fill doesn't seem to be working at all and I have to wait another 2 weeks to go for another fill. I know it might be a little aggressive to get another fill already but I am just at my wits end. I will wait till next week to make any decisions, till after my visitor is gone. My whole life this has been an issue and now I thought it was going to be a little easier. It just seems harder to me because I'm getting frustrated and am stuck. I am terrified that I will gain that 31lbs backs. I'm terrified that I went through all of this to still fail.

Go Ducks!!!

I am not from Oregon and I'm not a football fan really. I like the Green Bay Packers by parental association. Now I not only like but the love the Oregon Duck by marital association. Amazingly I don't have to change my colors :) My husband is from Oregon and on a normal basis could care less about football except when the 2 Oregon college teams compete in what is fondly called the civil war. This year though the Ducks have a 12 - 0 season and made it to the Tostitos National game. So of course we are watching the game and listening to him scream loudly in angst and joy at the TV, mixed in with calls from his family in Oregon saying "DID YOU SEE THAT!!!". So....GO DUCKS!!!

Morning after update: the Ducks lost by 3 points :(

Happy Monday, Are You Tired?

It's Monday again :( I really can't stand Mondays. No matter how much rest I get over the weekend I am always so tired. It's like my mind and body know we aren't doing anything fun all day so whats the point in waking up. Also since the band I have completely abstained from caffeine. What I wouldn't do for a freaking cup of coffee in the mornings. I am thinking about trying Click but I'm not sure. So what am I doing about this inability to wake myself up you ask? I am taking vitamin D. After my surgery I was told I was severely VD deficient. After doing my research I am taking a supplement to help. Ultimately the best thing for me is to sit a half hour in the sun, but since it's the middle of winter I think I will wait a bit on that. VD is supposed to help with waking you up and everything from depression to cancer. My big thing is that it helps with weight loss!! *ding ding ding* we have a winner. I will see how I feel in about a week and go from there. If I don't think it is helping I will talk to my doc and see what they recommend, maybe up the dose. Who knows. All of you in the sunny parts of our world can you please box me up some of that sunshine and send it this way? Also I have to say what a difference of 30lbs makes! I can do so much more than I could for my work outs 30lbs ago. Plus working out is way more enjoyable now. I just ordered a medicine ball and a kettlebell set to go along with my free weights and eliptical. I can't wait to get them. I will get some pictures up when they get here. :)

Food is Annoying

My husband was getting ready to go play poker with the guys and I told him that even though I wanted to have a good time with the guys I didn't trust myself to be alone with the food. So I think I am going to go upstairs and get on the elliptical instead for a while and see how things go from there. This whole struggle messes with your head so much! it's annoying. I almost had my first PB last night. We were at Red Robin before going to see a movie. I had gotten the salmon burger and had it with only the lettuce, no bun or mayo. My first bite wasn't chewed quite enough. :( I know we aren't supposed to drink while we eat but I tried to get it down with some water and it almost came all back up. Talk about a panic moment, we were as far away from the bathroom as I think we could get too. Thankfully as I prepared to try and calmly walk to the bathroom and not PB in the process it started to stop hurting. So what did I do after that...took another bite. lol I guess I didn't learn anything. O well I will eventually I guess and it wont be pretty.

I also cut my hair today, I was letting grow out and I finally got sick of it. My husband likes me with short hair better anyway and it is so much easier to maintain. I went from shoulder length to what you see in the picture.

All In My Head...Fill !!

Drum roll please......I got my first fill today!!! 3.5cc's. I will admit you were all right, it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. I did get a quick shot of nausea right as he started filling the band, but easy sailing after that. The doc said that if I feel like I need another fill I can come in again in 2 weeks. So we will see how things go from here. He did not put me on a liquid diet for a couple of days so I will chew chew chew dinner tonight and hope for the best :) ...next topic... For those of you who have read a little ways back on my blog, you will know that I auditioned for the Biggest Loser season 11. Obviously I didn't make it on the show or else you would be watching me on TV now instead of reading my blog. All of us fat kids had to stand in the pouring rain for 4hrs to even get inside. I went in that audition room and met the casting staff and walked back out knowing I wouldn't get a spot on the show. The whole time not thinking anything about why I was actually there. I know why I was there, but it all seemed like a game. For some of those people there it wasn't a game though. To put it in perspective, I was one of the smallest people there. One of the smallest!!! and I have to lose 119 more pounds, after losing 30lbs!! I missed season 10 because I just never was watching TV at the time it was on. So I watched the season 11 premier and decided to watch season 10. So last night I was watching the premier for season 10 while I was on the elliptical. I honestly didn't think I would get as motivated as I did watching it. (proud moment for me) Then it struck home for me when the military wife came on, not just because we have that in common but because of what she said. Her husband tells her he thinks she is beautiful but she doesn't believe him. Logically she knows he thinks that but her self esteem is so low about herself that she can only think he is lieing to her...I cried...I have been there so many times. I know my husband thinks I'm beautiful the way I am, but all I hear inside my head is "he's lieing to make you feel better". It's all in my head though. I took that and ran (literally) with it. Promising myself that I will be that wife he sees. I am now watching the season 10 episode while I work out. I need all the motivation I can get.

Pound for Pound Challenge

Thanks to Ronnie for the idea. I have joined the Biggest Loser Pound for Pound challenge. I went on and created a team....Banded Together! Since I am in Illinois the team is based out of there. Everyone is invited to join the team. Basically for every pound you lose, a pound of groceries is donated to Feeding America. Just go online and pound for pound challenge and search the team name :) I'm still trying to figure out how you weigh in on the site. I will get back to you on that. Let me know if you pledge and I will give you a link to post the logo on your blog so you can share our team and get others to join Banded Together.

Only pledge if your going to take this seriously please.

Home from work again.

So I am home sick again today, my headache and body aches just don't want to seem to go away. My animals are so cute. They must sense that I'm not feeling well because they haven't left my side. My 2 cats will lay on top of me or snug up against me and my doxin lays between my legs the whole time. I love those furry little love bugs! Since I'm not feeling great I decided it was a crock pot day. I took some frozen shrimp, onion, mushroom, garlic and a packet of mild taco seasoning with a little water and put it in there. Now all hubby has to do is make himself some rice and there's dinner. I will not be having rice of course. Even though I'm not feeling the greatest I am still going to go get my fill tomorrow. I see no need on putting it off. I am still eating ok so I'm not to worried about it. UPDATE ALERT! I start at Columbia College on March 22nd (i think that's the date). I am just taking my general studies right now. Since it's all accelerated courses I can take 2 classes at a time and be considered a full time student. So bring on the GI Bill please! Also I wanted to apologize for not keeping up with everyone over the last week or so. things have been a little hectic around here. I am doing my catching up today though :) p.s. This is what I am seting as my goal to do, It's called the Warrior Dash. It's a run with obstacles. So when I get into my "good shape" status this is what I have to look forward to! go the website out, it looks amazing!

Good morning everyone, I'm sorry I haven't been posting as much the last couple of days. I usually post early in the morning at work but things have been unusual you could say. I started my workouts again like I had told you and they are going good. 30mins on the elliptical and some good old stretching after that. My deit has still been kinda naughty. So I have not lost anymore. I did post in on an earlier date that I get my first fill on Friday this week. I am having some issues with insurance right now that are stupid to me that it's an issue. I had an approved referral from my insurance for the surgery but not the fills that are required to make the surgery work! So I have to get that taken care of as well. The surgeon office couldn't tell me though if the referral gap would make it so I have to pay out of pockets. On another note though I am nervous about my fill. I am in the medical field and I don't mind getting my blood drawn or IV's but getting a needle in the stomach doesn't sound like my idea of fun. I am feeling like poop this morning too. I'm a little nauseous feeling and my head is killing me. I woke up this morning just completely exhausted and it has morphed into this. My cheeks feel like they are on fire as well, I don't have a fever though. So I might be going home from work today. We have had allot of really sick patients the last couple weeks and I think I finally might have caught something. That's all there is from me today. I will post again soon. :)

Protein Bar

I wanted to share with you all a purchase I made last week. It is a GNC protein bar. I haven't tried them yet. I plan to have one for breakfast in the morning. I have been having a protein shake for breakfast for about 1 1/2 months now and taking in about 40g of protein. I am getting so sick of them. This protein bar is 30g protein and roughly the same amount of calories (i use milk for my protein shake). This bar has 390cals and only 6g of sugar. I am very excited to show you all this. I am hoping this will keep my fuller longer in the mornings. I will let you all know how it taste in the morning :) I got a call this afternoon for my fill, it will be on Friday at 1:30pm. Very nervous about it but looking forward to it at the same time. Well I am off to do my first workout in a while, Not looking forward to it but it must be done. Later peoples :)

First Fill?.....Order Up!!!

Welcome to 2011, It's so crazy I haven't posted anything since last year! (har har har, I crack myself up ). Well I surprisingly did not gain anything over the holidays like I had expected. I am hovering between 30 - 31lbs, which is perfectly good for me. I had my second follow up with my surgeon (who I now think is a turd) I am supposed to get my first fill this week some time. It's going to be done under flouro (sp) so I have to wait to hear when the hospital has an opening. I will get back to you all when I know a specific date. Then I am starting to work out again today. I'm not going overboard or anything. We have an elliptical in the upstairs bedroom so low resistance and a slower than normal pace to work myself up to a good workout. Then in February I am going to add into that a night of yoga and a personal trainer once a week for a month to start out. So now that I am back on track with my eating I foresee 60lbs down by May 7th ( my 6yr anniversary) no problem. I am hoping to reach the 50lb mark by the beginning of March. I have my appointment with Columbia College tomorrow afternoon so I will keep you posted on that as well. I hope everyone had a great New Years celebration! Until next time *Hugs*