Movin On Up

Hi, My name is Shannon and I'm LAZY...I almost didn't pass high school and then joined the Navy. After I got out of the Navy I tried going to college but, because of other....issues, dropped out of all the classes I tried. Needless to say I'm not a school kinda person. I have spent the past year on a emotional and sometimes spiritual journey of self revelation (ya like that it sounds fancy :D ). At the beginning of 2010 I started in counseling for issues marital and personal. What I found was a lost little girl with daddy issues and no self esteem. Penny (my therapist) was my angel. She helped me save me, from well me. I have this little issues were I try to bottle up everything inside of me until I explode and act out in the most hurtful way possible and it never ends up good for anyone around me or myself in the end. I am happy to say that I have greatly improved in this area. For me though I had to hit bottom before I would go for help. Not only did I hit bottom it was like the the big bang, shook my world to the core. What does all this have to do about my horrible educational career though? I was so inside my own head with my issues to succeed at anything. The last 5 months or so it has really been on my mind to try and go back to school. So, yesterday I put in an application to Columbia college. I have an interview with an advisor on Tuesday. Needless to say I am not submitting my transcripts from the previous community college I tried to attend. Who cares though, this is my fresh start! I am a different person then that lost little girl. I am a (semi)confident women with a fabulous marriage and on the fast track to emotional and physical recovery. If all goes well and I get excepted to Columbia I will start classes in March, doing accelerated courses (8 weeks instead of 12). I will keep you all updated :D

Happy Commings and Goings

"Have patience, and endure"

-Shakespeare, Much Ado

Here we are 2 days left in 2010. Everyone is making resolutions and picking out a word to live 2011 by, but I don't see the need. Every year I make resolutions and promises that I swear I will succeed at. Well big surprise....I don't. This year has taught me allot of thing about myself, my marriage, my lifestyle. I don't want to resolve to do this and to do that, I want to take what I have learned about myself and my life and bring it with me. Yes I have goals for this year, and yes one of them is to loose weight. I have my Lap Band and I plan to work it for all it's worth but that's not a new goal. My focus is to go on with the goals I am already working on, like not putting off doing things with friends or my husband. I want to wear the shirt that someone says looks good on me, not put it back on the rack because it's out of my comfort zone. Also, my most important goal for a couple of years, be able to ride on a roller coaster with my husband. These like I said are not new goals, I have been working at these for a long time. Yes, 2011 will be the year I make all this happen but the ability to do this was put into motion in 2010. So I will bid 2010 goodbye with a mixture of relief and longing for all of the roads I traveled this year, for all the battles I fought, whether won or lost, for all the milestones surpassed and cut short. 2010 was the year my life started turning around for the better, mentally and physically. I leave you with another quote from William Shakespeare and wish you much fulfillment this new year on whatever journey you take.

"Courage and comfort, all shall yet go well"

-Shakespeare, King John

Food = Crack

I hate food! I mean yes I enjoy eating, if I didn't I wouldn't be at this point in my life sitting here with an almost healed stomach and a piece of silicone around an organ. But I HATE FOOD! I hate my willpower and I hate how they make me feel about myself! I was doing so well until that first piece of chocolate on Christmas eve, now I'm like a crack addict who had there first hit in years. I do great all day then when I get home I make my dinner, Tonight it was spaghetti with mushrooms, onions and tomatoes. oh and don't forget the loads of parm cheese. and the 6 slices of turkey, and the Popsicle and the chocolate covered pretzels. It's like someone else takes over my body, goes to the fridge and says what can I eat right now. I know I won't have a change of habits overnight, but seriously does it have to make me feel 2 inches tall in the process!!! I am smack in the middle of bandster hell, my first fill can't come soon enough!

Edamame, How Wonderful You Are!

I don't know about all of you out there but, I was told to eat 3 meals a day with no grazing. I get up at around 5am and usually don't make it back to bed until about 10pm. That is a long day with only 1000 - 1200cals a day. I have to factor in a snack somewhere. My go to lately has been edamame. For those of you who don't know edamame it is the wonderful soybean (before it hardens). This wonderful little source of protein and green goodness is in my mind make the perfect snack. The closet way I can describe it's flavor would be a cross between a pea and a peanut, but more meaty and savory then it sounds. A 1/2cup is 8g of protein! Only 100cals and 2g of fat! For any of you that have problems with low Iron, like I do, these little beauties have about 10% of your daily recommended intake. I get my edamame in the freezer section. I don't know how your market will sell them but I buy about a pound at a time. this lasts me about 5, 1/2cup servings. To make these puppies you bring a pot of water to a boil then dump the whole bag in still frozen. bring it back up to a boil and cook for 5mins. I add a touch of salt on the pods so when I eat the little joyous beans later I get the salt. Some stores sell them already shelled. I don't prefer them cooked out of the pod, they seem to get tough and rubbery. Edemame goes great in salads to replace meat as a protein, and they go great as a side dish to a piece of chicken or fish. The flavor really stands on it's own. What is your go to snack?

I'm So Glad It's Over...

Christmas is finally come and gone. I got some wonderful presents, a coach purse and some Sapphire earrings are at the top of the list! But Christmas found my butt and ran me over with every ounce of chocolate and piece of cheese it could find! Kinda like this picture I could have hit a food coma, I haven't grazed that much in a very long time! Now that it is Monday and the start of another work week I refuse to weigh myself till after the New Year. In my mind there is no point to stepping on that scale to see the gain from 2 days of crap eating. So my plan is to eat good and normally all this week and after the first then let myself step on the scale and see what happens from there. After eating healthy for just over a month it is amazing how easy it is to fall back into those old habits. This little eating interlude has shown me just how long of a road this is going to be. I have habits that have developed and held strong for 24years, they aren't going to change overnight. I have noticed allot of you out in blog land blog your daily food intake. So I think I am going to start doing that. I know an average of how many calories I take in normally but by the end of the day when I am trying to find something to eat in the house I really have no clue the caloric range to tread in. So check out my food log tab at the top. Also I have been trying to get in at least 1 1/2 liters of water a day. Since surgery and trying to follow the rules I have found it difficult to get my water in. Anyone else had this problem? I hope Santa was good to all of you!!

Happy RamaHanuKwanzMas!

Have a great holiday everyone! I can't wait for hubby to open his gifts!!!

You Are Beautiful!!!

I want to challenge you to leave a card like in the picture anywhere a women will find it. Tape it to a mirror in a public bathroom, Leave it on the desk of a female co-worker, give one to a random stranger and walk away. You can even just write it on a piece of paper, it doesn't have to be a card. To many women don't hear that they are beautiful. Beauty is not just on the outside, beauty is in our hearts and what we do for others. Many of you are beautiful and don't even know it. Today I dedicate my post to all the women who have ever been put down by others and even themselves. You are beautiful in your own wonderful way! I found a card just like this at the movies last night in the bathroom and it made me tear up because I realized earlier that night that I had no nice clothes to wear out with my husband, that I had just given up on myself, but I am beautiful!!! For more info on this you can go to Operation Beautiful. Here are some examples.

Leave me a comment of where you are going to leave your little piece of beautiful!

Success!!!

I weighed in this morning and to my most wondrous surprise.....I have slightly surpassed my New Years goal of 30lbs!!!! This puts me at 319lbs with only 19lbs to loose till I reach my 300lb mark!!! I am so happy to be 31lbs down!! Even with no restriction this band is the most amazing thing I have done for myself because it has made me really take a look at what I had become. The Band really is the best Christmas present I could have ever gotten!!!

Also a quick NSV I am again fitting into my 2X scrub tops from over a year ago that have been just sitting in my closet!!! I am out of the 3X!!!

So we are not going anywhere for Christmas this year. Being a Navy family with us both from the complete oposite sides of the country it's hard to see everyone for the holidays. We scramble to oregon then new york and back to chicago. Or in the past there have been deployments that have kept us apart. This year though we are staying home, just the two of us. This is going to be a nice change, considering that the 5 christmas's we have been together have been stressful and more like work at times then vacation. I am looking forward to opening presents with my hubby this year and building our ginger bread house in the comfort of our own home! Also a plus no family to explain to why I can't eat very much :)

Nightmare!

I had a dream last night that I couldn't seem to wake myself up from. In the dream I was in the kitchen eating a whole bag of chicken nuggets. You know the big bags you can buy in the freezer section. After I ate those I went to the cheese in the fridge. We buy big blocks and slice our own because it's cheaper. In my dream I ate the whole block, and so on and so on. I went to weigh myself on the scale upstairs and it read 400lbs!!! The nightmare part is that I didn't care! I had completely given up on myself in my dream. When I woke up I got dressed and went to pull my protein shake out of the fridge and had to double check myself because it felt so real that I ate all that food. I had to make myself remember that it was only a dream. What a fatty kind of nightmare!

OMG, OMG, OMG

Today I had a scale related NSV. How is that possible you ask? I have not been able to weight myself on our scale at home because it didn't go past a certain weight. (it's digital) So just for the hell of it I decided to step on the scale and wait till I saw the error message, but today there was no error message and the scale showed me 3lbs lighter!!! Which puts me at 324lbs with a total of 26lbs lost. I was so excited I was running down the stairs saying OMG, OMG, OMG to tell my hubby all about it. So now not only can I weight myself in the comfort of my own home but I only have 4lbs to go until my new years goal of 320lbs!!! I wasn't planning on posting today but I just had to share that with ya'll!

Low Calorie Lunch :)

I wanted to share a recipe with you that is so simple and I like to eat it allot when I am "dieting". I get allot of weird looks when I do eat it but if you like tuna, then you will like this. Plus with the slight restriction I have post-op it's enough to fill me up for a couple of hours and it's a good amount of protein. It's so easy and only 3 ingredients! Ingredients: a one serving pouch of tuna 5tbsp chunky salsa 6 wheat Ritz crackers mix the salsa and tuna together and scoop it onto your crackers. It's about 280 calories depending on the tuna and salsa and has 13g of protein! very good for you! Have a good weekend!

All Consuming!

I don't usually like to post twice in one day but today I will make an exception because I just have to vent to people who will understand. When I was in the process of getting the band I felt like I wouldn't have to worry about food taking over my life anymore, but now that I have the band it feels almost like food has become all consuming! Fighting cravings and counting calories, measureing food out all the time. Freaking out because I ate a peice of dark chocolate and the scale might go up 5lbs. I know its not thecase forever, but this starting out feels like there is nothing else but food to get used to and count and measure. It's so frustrating!!!

Smart Meal

Yesterday I had my follow up appointment with my surgeon. It went well except for their scale is a couple of pounds high. Since they had me at a higher weight then what my usual scale says I had to weigh myself this morning and I am still at 327lbs for now. I have been back to work now for a week. So I was working 5 days after my surgery. I am at a desk right now but it's still pay. I have been having a pain on my left side lower on the rib cage, the doc said it's the muscle trying to heal to the bone again! He said that they put so much air in you when they are poking around inside you that there is a possibility the muscle will separate from the bone a bit. This is what he thinks is happened with me so I am stuck at the desk another week to give it time to heal better. That's kind of a weird thought, knowing that you were blown up like a balloon so much that your muscles were pulled off your bones. Since there scale scared me last night saying I was up 5lbs I came up with a yummy little dinner that was only 199 calories per serving! 1 cup egg beaters 2 cups uncooked mushrooms (baby protabelo) 4 tbsp mild chunky salsa 6 pieces of turkey lunch meat (the kind I use is 90cal for 6 slices) 1 small shallot 1 tsp minced garlic 2 slices fat free cheese salt and pepper to taste Cut your mushrooms and shallot into slices and in a pan saute' mushroom, shallot and garlic till soft. Add in your salsa in at this point. Once thoroughly combined set mix aside. Cut your turkey into bite size pieces, put them into a pan just till they are warmed through. Then set them aside. Take a 1/2 cup of your egg beaters and pour into a hot pan (make sure your pan is well sprayed with cooking spray) After your egg starts to bubble put half your mushroom salsa mix on one side and half of your turkey on the other side. Carefully fold egg in half. (this is the part i always mess up) Use 1 slice of cheese and rip it in half and lay over top of eggs and cover for about 30 seconds to get nice and melty. Obviously this make 2 servings at 199cals each. Enjoy!

Dark Chocolate and Soap

Good morning all. I am 8 days pots -op and I am dieing to step on the scale! I have my follow up tonight so I will have to step on the scale then but I am going to try not to look. One of my hobbies is cooking, which I have mentioned before, but I think I am going to try getting back into a beloved hobby that I was making a little money at before. Soap Making. That's right you read it correctly. I am going to start making my soap again. I took a break because of all the expenses with surgery and the holidays but I am going to get back into the swing of things. In turn I hope this will keep my mind off of whats tastes so good in the kitchen like the wonderful dark chocolate a friend gave me because she didn't know what surgery i went in for. I am sure that I will post plenty of picks of my creations edible and non edible. Update on how I'm feeling today: Sore, very sore. I tried going a while without taking my pain meds because I don't like taking more medication then I have to. Today though my abdomen is achy and tight. stretching it out in the least is annoying. My incisions have scabbed over and the scabs are starting to come off a little. The rubbing from my shirts on the scabs has ripped a couple of parts of prematurely. Other than that eating well and sleeping well.

Baking Fool (with recipe)

I love to cook and bake, so part of this process with the band has left me yerning to get back into the kitchen. Last night I baked a ton of cookies, about 6 dozen maybe a little more. I made cookie cups dipped in chocolate and almonds and filled with a raspberry jelly. I also made sugar cookies dipped in chocolate and peppermint pieces. I had my husband try one of each when he got home, since I can't have them, and he loved them both. I made them for a party we are having at work. I thought I would share a picture of my creations so you can drool over them with me. I am also putting the recipe for the raspberry cups at the bottom. Enjoy! Also I changed my blogspot web address to http://fatwifesjourney.blogspot.com/. If you have any issues because of it let me know. Thanks THIS IS NOT A HEALTHY RECIPE (thats why I havn;t eaten any)

Raspberry Cups:

Store bought cookie dough Raspberry Jelly Slivered Almonds Chocolate Chips - Semi Sweet Plain Gelatin Packets for baking not eating 2tblsp Sugar Spray with cooking spray a mini cupcake pan and put about 3/4 tblsp to 1 tblsp dough in each cup and bake according to time on package. When they are right out of the oven take a wooden spoon, dip it into the sugar and press down the center of the cookies to form a cup. Let cookies cool 30mins on cooling rack. Chop up the slivered almonds to desired size. Mix left over sugar into almonds. In microwave melt chocolate chips on 30 seconds blasts stirring between each time until you have a thick melt. The chocolate should not be hot to the touch when melted. When cooled dip just the tops of your cups into the chocolate and then the almonds. Let sit for 1 hour to harden. Filling: In a little pot put all your jar of raspberry jelly and 1 gelatin packet. Heat till mix just coats a spoon. Take off the heat and pour jelly mix into each cup until filling is level with the edges. The filling will soke a little into the cookies making them nice and moist. It's ok if they leak through a bit.

What a Miserable Morning

Today I woke up just feeling very blah. I have been at work for about an hour now and I am extremely nauseous and tired. I have barley been able to drink just under half of my breakfast. Last night I stayed up a little later than I wanted to because hubby and I were watching TV in bed. So I got to bed at about 10pm. I was aiming for about 9pm just because I am still healing but it didn't happen. I don't know if that's the problem or if it's just my stomach being weird on its own.

I still am having cramping in my left side. I have my follow up appointment on Thursday. I guess I just have to wait till then to ask. It does feel like it's getting worse at times though.

I would write more but I am just so tired I don't have the energy to. Till next time, stay warm.

Monday Weigh In

As of today I am 327lb! This brings me to a total of 23lbs lost. So far I know it's my diet helping me get to this point but I can't wait for the months to come. Have a happy Monday everyone and remember skinny feels better than anything taste! : )

Potato Soup!

I finally felt full today for a change and I had 4 saltines and about a half a cup of potato soup! I was honestly surprised that I was full. It was such a good feeling, I had begun to think that I would be hunger all the time until I started getting my fills. Mind you I chewed the crackers up to a fine mush so they wouldn't get stuck and cause a PB (terrified of that btw). My hubby had his work Christmas party on Friday and won a $25 Chili's gift card, so tonight that is were I had my soup and officially became a cheap date. I think my food cost a total of $4. This surgery is going to save so much on the food bill : ) Healing wise I am doing great. I can already lay on my side while I sleep and a little on my stomach. I do have an issue though, I have is a constant stitch in my left side. It feels like I ate a 4 course meal then tried to run a mile kind of pain. It worries me a little but I will give it till my follow up with the surgeon later this week. Also my shoulders are killing me from the air that they put in you during surgery. They will be so bad at times that I have to stop what I am doing, sit down and completely relax my arms till the pain goes away. In the grocery store today it was that way and I don't know what sets it off. I am going back to work tomorrow. I have a partial desk job so I will be able to finish healing. Plus I have my left over soup from dinner to bring to work with me tomorrow. Overall I am doing great and I can't wait to step on the scale tomorrow. I am only going to try and weigh myself on Monday mornings. I will let you know what I weigh in at tomorrow. Have a great Monday everyone!!!

Bubble Guts and Nausea...ugg

Day 2 post-op and I woke up this morning really hungry. I had an 8oz protein shake over about an hours time, but this wouldn't have been possible without my Gas-X though. I felt so bloated that the thought of eating was not a good one. You get pumped full of air and it has to find it's way out some how but in the mean time you feel so bloated and uncomfortable. I am using the dissolvable strips, they are like the Listerine strips but in my opinion they taste much better. Even with using those my stomach is full of bubble guts. Also I have been really nauseous. I had a good amount of chicken broth and a Popsicle for lunch and I was fine. A couple hours later I went back for a jello and some more broth and ugg I'm so nauseous I couldn't finish the jello. My surgeon has me on a liquid Vicodine for pain to take as needed. It taste horrible! There is no description for the flavor, It's just gross. For all of it's nastiness though it works almost to good. After about 20mins. it fully kicks in, and it seems all at once. I get loopy and really tired. I have only taken it 3 times so far and one of those was a half dose. Interestingly enough the reason I have had to take it is not pain from my incision sites but from the gas pressure in my shoulders. I have 5 incision. One is about 3inches long and the others are about an inch each. This was surprising to me. I was expecting 2 maybe 3 small 1inch cuts. The large one is my port site. I don't have any stitches on the outside, just dermabond. Dermabond is a clear adhesive that works just like stitches without the extra scaring. I was joking today with the hubs that it looks like my stomach got in a fight with a lawn mower. I guess the idea of looking fabulous in a bikini is out. tonight the hubby is at his Navy Christmas party so I am on my own tonight for the first time. I think as long as I don't lie down flat I will be ok. I didn't think I would be posting this much right after surgery, but it does help me keep track of what I have been doing all day since I have a horrible memory. lol I guess once I go back to work on Monday there wont be so many. Tomorrow I am hoping to go for a stroll around the mall. fingers crossed! I will let you know how that goes.

Finally Home

I am home and resting nicely. I want to thank you for the well wishes. I am still in pain but it's not very bad. My dog was overwhelmed with joy to see his momma come home. He does this part smile thing that is just to cute and I got a lot of smiles when I got out of the car. In order to come home today I had to get an x-ray and drink some barium. Nasty stuff by the way, thankfully I only had to take 3 small sips. I went back to my hospital room after that and my hubby was lieing in my bed waiting for me. I was so glad that he was there. :) We had to wait for the surgeon to come give me a quick checkup and for the nutritionist to go over the post-op rules with me. I ate a little of the "broth" (i use that term loosely) that I was giving and had about an ounce of jello and 2 ounces of apple juice. After the nurse said I could go home the hubby took me home. Being on my own couch is way more comfortable than the hospital bed. well I am going to go to bed now because I am feeling a little nauseous from staring at the computer screen. So goodnight all and hope you have a good Friday.

Better Update

Hello from Vista East Hospital in Illinois. I hope this post makes sense since i am very druggie at the moment. I feel allot like I was hit by a truck. I'm a little nauseous and my shoulders are killing me from the air they have to put in you for the endoscopy side of the procedure. I have to add that all my nurses have been fabulous. They are all so nice and knowledgeable. At least up till this point. The night nurse that I have now, wells lets just say I hope I make it through the night. At the moment the hubby is at home taking care of the animals, but he has been fabulous as well. He has taken great care of me all day. I remember waking up asking for him and chap stick lol. Right now the only thing better then chap stick are ice chips. I didn't have a roomie all day until about a half hour ago and it's an older woman and her son and daughter-in-law are with her for now. I feel lucky because I know I'm going home tomorrow and recoup there. I thought I would show you just how great I look right now all drugged up, I'ts a good look right? lol Well I will post later in the week I am really tired right now and need to sleep. Good night all.

IV in Hand...literaly

11 1/2 hours...

I am sitting in bed having to pee like crazy from all the water I have been having to drink and going over my check list of what i have to bring to the hospital with me tomorrow. Yes i said tomorrow!!! I am excited and nervous. My husband is going with me for support. What would i do with out that wonderful man. My surgery is scheduled for 8 a.m. and I am tired but can't sleep. We have to be up at 5 a.m., thankfully we don't live very far from the hospital. I can't believe the big day is finally here. I have waited for this day for a couple of years and its going to happen. I know I say this allot but it's true. I am so blessed. I will be home from the hospital on Thursday at some point and i will post on how i am doing then. So until next time. smile!

Two More Sleeps

I am getting nervous now I only have 2 sleeps till I get cut into for weight loss. It sounds so crazy but I and so excited about it to. I have been on the pre-op diet since the 26th of November and as of this morning I have lost 18lbs!!! I can't wait to get the band and keep going! This is so amazing. I am so blessed.

Less Than a Week to Go

I have 6 sleeps and I will be getting my surgery!!! I am still on the liquid diet for pre-op and it's not so bad anymore. Things are going good and weight is maintaining for right now. We started decorating for the holiday last night. I am in love with everything to do with Christmas which make it so much more amazing that I'm getting my surgery this time of year! Decking the halls and starting a new life all at once. Till next time be blessed.

Liquid Diet

All I have to say about this liquid diet thing is blah. All I really want to do is bite into a nice big hot turkey and gravy sandwich! Hence why I need this surgery in the first place lol. Although today is day 4 and I stepped on the scale this morning at 10lbs down from my Thursday morning! Crazy right? Although I know the moment I eat real food again it will all come back. Good thing that's not going to be for like a month :) 9 days till surgery. I can't say the start of my new life any more because i consider Nov. 26th 2010 that day. It's all gotta be downhill from here :)

New Years Goal

I was read a blog by a bandster who talks about setting goals. I think my first goal I'm going to set for myself with be for New Years. I want to be down to 320lbs by the new year. A very doable goal I believe since I am starting my liquid diet on the 26th of Nov. Do you have any goals for the New Year? What are they?

20 Day Count Down!

As of today we are 20 days pre-surgery! YaY!! I am so excited though and impatient I want it to be here already! The biggest problem I am having right now is that I'm not really telling anyone in the family. So being invited places for the holidays makes it hard, because I will pro bally still be on a soft food diet. Also I don't want to have this surgery and then dive right back into horrible food choices. So far though this is my only short term issue. For long term I have other issues to worry over, because we are a military family. I will not have the same doc for my fills and follow ups. but that is a simple worry with a solution almost figured out :)

Today make it 26 days till my surgery. Family and friends keep asking me if I am nervous. All I can say is no I'm excited! Plus it's true. I'm sure the day of surgery I will be nervous if not really anxious, but overall I just can't wait to get rid of this black cloud hanging over my life.

Yesterday was veterans day. I was in the Navy for a couple of years and ended up getting out because I weighed to much. I spent allot of time yesterday reflecting on how far I came from my first veterans day being in the Navy to now. I can see the path to how I got here and am happy to have come this far and yet morn the road I had to travel to be here. I lost a few great friends to the war and gained a wonderful man in the process. I am still part of the military community as a Navy wife and I will follow my hubby anywhere because he has done so much for me. He is truly my hero and has saved me in every way I possible. To all of you out there who are serving and have served. Thank you from one veteran to another.

Tight Pants and Fear...

I am so focused sometimes on getting the procedure done and over with, that I forget to take a step back to look forward to just how my life will change. I am on the lap band site and watching some of there videos. A woman in one of the videos was talking about how much more she loves food after having her surgery because she doesn't fear eating any more. I started to cry. Food has literally taken over my life. Weather it be trying to loose weight to being scared my pants wont fit and I don't want that fear any more. It really hit me a minute ago that the control food has on me will be gone. I will be in control again. It's such a freeing feeling. I have been promising my husband for a couple years now that I will lose weight and go to Six Flags with him, because I can't fit in the rides right now. I finally will get to keep that promise...I just hope I don't cry from joy when I get to lower the bar over my lap on the first roller coaster. I am so excited!!! Yep two post in one day, but I really wanted to share that with ya'll :)

It's Almost Time!

Wow this was a long absence on my part. I have lots of updates for you. First update is the newest member of our family...He weighs 2lbs and is called Mr. Monster. He is only still when he's sleeping. A good pick on the name in my book :)

The next news is...I GOT MY SURGERY DATE!!!! I am jumping for joy! The countdown has started. 28days to go right now. I have some more stuff to accomplish before hand but I go in for surgery for my lap band on December 8th at 8 o'clock in the morning. I have to be at the hospital at 6 a.m. so it will be an early morning for myself and the hubby. Leading up to the surgery I have to get more blood work done, a full physical and health history and meet with the nutritionist again (she is going to scold me, I gained a couple of pounds :(. From Halloween to Christmas who doesn't gain a couple of pounds though? Oh well, I wont be able to eat much for Christmas so my New Years resolution comes early this year. I have set up to start with a personal trainer in January after I give myself time to heal. I am mostly looking forward to being full for a change. Its a whole new outlook on life that I am so excited about as well. I will let you know how the pre-op stuff goes and of course update you on the surgery after the fact. Until next time, and I promise it wont be almost a month this time. : )

Waiting Again

So I did everything my insurance wanted and now just waiting to be officially approved. I should here something in about 2weeks. Fingers crossed!

All Is Well In the Lap Band World

Last night I had my follow up appointment with my surgeon and now I wait for a phone call. I have been "approved" for the surgery by the surgeon's office now I just have to wait for my insurance company to catch up. As soon as that happens I will get a phone call to set up a date for the surgery. I am in the home stretch and getting ready to ran over home plate. I will check in again soon to let you know when I get that phone call :D happy weekend!

Still Waiting :-/

So I am still waiting for a surgery date, but its my own fault. I was all ready to go to my appointment last Thursday, I went home to let the dog out and got distracted. A five minute distraction turned into an hour and a half one and my alarm for my appointment went off 20mins after my appointment time. Big time fail! I rescheduled for tomorrow and I'm hoping for the best. I have 3 alarms set in my phone to remind me 50, 30 and 20mins before my appointment that I can't forget it. Thing have been going well for me. I still have this scary attachment to food that I am working on figuring out, but I have realized that I need reign in back into place. My weight has always been at the forefront of my life and I'm not going to let it be in charge anymore! I will get this surgery and I will recover and start working out again. I have a personal trainer set up for after I am all healed and I will look fantastic. I will not fail this time because I want this! (I might never do this), but I want to be able to put on a pair of sneakers and go for a run with my husband. I want to walk into any store and be able to pick out clothes and I want to live so long that when I have kids they will be begging me to die off already! I love life and I want to be able to live it to it's fullest! I promised my husband that before we leave Illinois we will make a visit to Ceder Point, Ohio and go on the tallest roller coaster in the country and I plan on doing just that! I know over the last month I have gain 8lbs because of this food thing, but its done and over with I have only a few weeks before my surgery and I can't wait to begin the next chapter in my life. I will succeed and I want to share this confidence with everyone I meet. Till next time smile, hum your favorite song and enjoy the sunshine even if its cold! Life is a gift and we all need to treat it that way!

Its been a minute....

Well I'm back and a little more anxious than the last time I posted. I am basically at the 1 month countdown and I am full of mixed emotions. Nervous mostly I think but I am going in for surgery so how is that not nerve wracking. I'm very excited too and cant wait to start living my new life. Its going to take a ton of getting used to. I have put on a little bit of weight since my last post. I have been baking allot because we went apple picking and I have just been in the mood to create things so food always hits the top of the list on creating. I have also been keeping busy creating for my etsy shop which is allot of fun. I have my next appointment on Thursday. I hope to get my surgery date then. It would be really nice to be able to go in and come out with a date so I can start setting up time off of work. Plus two of my good friends from when I was in the Navy myself are coming to visit at the end of October, so it would be nice to have a plan to go off of. So right now just getting ready to count down the days. hope you all have had a fun September! until next time.

Seperation Anxiety

Sorry I have been gone for so long but family is in town at the moment. Over the last couple of months my husband and I were doing great with our food choices and working out. I still felt that I needed a little extra help so as you all know by now I started in my lap band journey. As the approximate time for my surgery comes closer I feel almost like I am losing a huge part of my life. Well in reality I am. My weight and food has been in control of most everything I have ever done to clothes that I have bought to if I sleep for 5 more minutes in the morning. In the last week I have made some horrible food choices and have unfortunately gained 6lbs in the process. I know that after I get my band I physically wont be able to eat allot of things but that is something I am more than willing to give up because I don't want to be this way forever I do want to be healthy, but for some reason this fear has just crawled into my head and is nesting there and all my husband can see is "well she is getting the surgery so she must think it's a fix everything and she is pigging out." It is very frustrating trying to explain this to a person who has never had issues with food and being overweight and who's entire family is so thin the wind can blow them away. He thinks that by sure will power alone an addiction can be overcome. I know it's almost stupid seeing my being fat as a kinda addiction but I do. So as I see it you can fully remove an alcoholic or a coke addict from the substance of there downfall but every person on earth needs food to survive. I suffer from the hardest addiction on the planet to overcome. How do I explain all the feeling that go along with that and how going through the surgery that I want so bad to help improve every part of my life is making me feel? I wish I had some damn readers to give me some perspective other than my own :( But if you do read this have a great weekend. I will be trying to squeeze myself into an itsy bitsy bathing suit at an indoor water park. :/

Up, Up and Away!

Ok it has been about a week since my last post and allot has taken place. I have had three appointments for my surgery. I am going to over all three of them in this post for you.

On the 31rst I had my psych eval which seemed like a giant begging session. The doctor that I had brought me into his office and the first thing he said to me was "we recently had a staff member die from a surgery like this, what do you think of that? ". So right from the start I feel like this is just going to be a battle with this doctor for him not to see if I am fit to get this surgery but for him to get past his bias. Other than that aspect the appointment went well I guess. we went over my weight history, such as diet and exercise and how many things and times I have tried to diet. If I have food craving and how I handle them. Also a big one is how I handle and deal with change. He also found that I am very iron deficient and haven't been treated for it. I had some blood work done just over a year ago for something else and was only given part of the results and the low iron was never addressed. I have been started on iron pills and a pre-natal vitamin because they are a more well rounded vitamin for a woman. So i haven't gotten a yes or no from him yet and he had a ton of blood taken from me to run more labs. I will see him again on the 7th.

My 2nd appointment was with my surgeon. The doctor that will have his hands inside my precious insides. Ok so it will be a scope and not his hands but he will being doing my surgery. He is a good guy and a little wacky. he has done this surgery enough times that i feel very comfortable with him. My husband went with me to this one and while we waited we played with the lap band display in the exam room. He came in and weighed me and felt around my stomach because i have had both my gallbladder and my appendix taken out and went over the basics of the surgery. He said that being that I do have low iron levels the lap band is the surgery to go with and that I should have good success. I very simple and straight forward appointment. I go back to see him on the 30th of this month after I see all of the other appointments.

Lastly today I had my fitness eval. It was more of a what we want to see you do than what can you do. The place that I went to was a physical therapy clinic and the lady who worked with me was awesome! She set me up with a great program to start with and to develop along the way. She did kinda kick my butt though. I did a mile and a half fast paced walk some arm and leg weights and some intense stretching. I know, I know "weren't you in the navy?" yep and now I'm fat and trying to get healthy again. That's why I'm here posting all this stuff.

I will be back with more updates and let you know how things go from here on out. Chow for now

Sick

So this last week I have been horribly sick with bronchitis and out of work most of the week. I am slowly getting better and going back to work tomorrow. I'm so excited :( Have you ever had one of those weeks when you realized that the people you work with really only care that you don't show up to work because it inconveniences them? Well that was my week. I started really getting sick on Sunday so i didn't go to work on Monday and I went into the doctors and he gave me some cough syrup and looked at me like I was over reacting so I went into work Tues. and could only last till about 1000. this whole time I'm coughing that deep in your chest raspy cough that really hurts. So I go home and don't come in on Wed. and I got two calls basically making sure that I was really sick and that I would be in on Thursday. So I went in on Thursday coughing my brains out feeling like crap and 2 bottles of cough syrup down. No one asked how I was feeling they just stuck me in a corner away from all the patients saying that I sounded unprofessional. I stayed the whole day and I came home after work and was so drained just from being sick that I slept in-between coughing for an hour and a half. I called out on Friday and went back to the doctors and low and behold I have bronchitis and finally get some antibiotics and cough syrup that works! Slowly getting better, and I am not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. I'm still coughing though so I hope it annoys the crap out of them all :)

Plus side I have my first appointment this week. It's my psych evaluation on Tuesday. I'm interested to see what stuff we go over in the appointment. I will let you know how it goes. Ta ta for now!

5 Minutes A Day Re-Start

Recently I have become a avid reader of Lynn's Weigh. The last post really stuck with me. I have lost 19lbs so far and that is awesome and yes i am going to have my surgery probably in October but when I'm still in pain most of the day and it hurts to get up and sit down I am only hurting myself. I kept putting it off thinking well once I get more weight off it will hurt less and I can workout better, but that's not the case. I sit at work most of the day, I sit at home most of the time, I sit in the car. Most of my life is sitting doing allot of nothing. On top of that I feel extra lazy because I have an elliptical sitting in the bedroom right upstairs. Lynn said that when she was obese she was afraid to see it and I know how she felt. I know I'm fat and I joke about it all the time! It's scary to admit your not perfect no matter how thin you are. I don't want to hurt any more. I am to the point of no activity were even sitting in a chair hurts. Being lazy hurts! But I don't want to be lazy anymore! My new goal is that whenever I am at home and I'm not doing anything and I think about it I am going to go upstairs and do 5 mins on the elliptical. I know it doesn't sound like much, but its a start. Going from doing nothing to doing spontaneous little workouts I hope will slowly build up my muscles to the point I don't hurt any more. I have come a long way from being in the Navy and working out 2 hours a day but I will get there again. That is my promise to myself. I don't owe my health to anyone but me.

Absent

Sorry I have been absent from the blog scene for short minute this week but work has been hectic and like a couple of post before said I am just waiting right now. I do think I am coming down with a cold too. Coughing up some stuff. Yuck! I'm doing some project around the house. Fixing a comforter, making some lip balm, a decorative chalk board and soon I'm starting a batch of cold process soap. Right now I'm waiting for the chalk board to dry to apply the last or second to last coat. Thats all thats going on right now. Hope whoever reads this has a great rest of the weekend!

My New Haircut

In order to promote a good mood and overall grandeur and maybe a few feeling of hotness from the hubs I got a sexy new haircut. Its amazing what a little snip snip can do for the self esteem. I was planning on growing my hair out but my patience grew thin and the hair style book came out. So I will post a picture as soon as I can get so ta ta for now!

Waiting

I feel like I am at a stand still waiting for my appointments to come around. I understand its only 2 weeks till they start up and all but ugg its a long 2 weeks to wait! I am so impatient!

New Outlook

My new mantra is fastly trying to become: food does not equal pleasure or comfort. I don't know how well it's working because I think I should add bored into the mix as well and yummy in there to. I have been trying to reprogram my mind but it's difficult to say the least. My husband has what called a PFA (physical fitness assessment) coming up for the Navy. They do this twice a year and for about two months before its all diet and self control and then after its over we go out for dinner at a favorite restaurant usually red lobster. I'm starting to think of my life after banding as nothing but self control and I'm planning out that Red Lobster meal before I have to start doing my surgery prep. It feels almost dirty to think of myself as that much of a fatty, but I when I really think about it I will only be ably to eat about 3 - 4 tbsp of food. Measure that out, it's not very much. The doctor said by the end of one year I might be able to eat a half a sandwich and I don't think he was talking about a 6" from Subway I think he meant a little tiny white bread sammy from the cupboard at my house. On one hand I feel like a complete fatty looking forward to my last meal and on the other I just feel dirty. I think I should still try to hold tight to my mantra though and aim for that improvement. What do you think?

Appointments Galore!

Different insurance company's require different things when putting in place a foreign body into the system that is going to be there for a while...o say more than ten years or so. Mine thankfully doesn't require me to wait the mandatory 4 to 6 month weight loss period that other companies are imposing on there patrons. Time is ticking very slowly and fast for me. Today I made 2 more appointments that are mandatory in my surgery countdown. They are a fitness evaluation and a nutrition evaluation. I'm not to sacred of either at this moment in time actually. There isn't much that either person can tell me that I don't already know. I mean come on I have been fat most of my life and in the Navy then kicked out of the Navy for it. I know how to work out just getting off the couch most days to do it seems more of a battle then getting on the freaking elliptical and doing it. Also I have lost about 16lbs as of late and it's not because this busty beauty has been dragging it to the gym. I have completely revamped my eating habits. It does work people. Who would have thought that a complete diet overhaul would let you lose almost 20lbs? Not me I thought you would have to go to the gym. But here we are about a month later and well you get the drift.

I do kinda understand, the insurance people don't know all of the people that they are giving the money generously too. They need to know that the money they give out has some education behind it and its not just given freely, even if it is still frustrating. My last mandatory checklist appointment is on the 8th of September and then I have to make a follow-up with my surgeon. If all goes well it's been predicted that I might have a piece of plastic attached to my stomach by the middle to end of October! fingers crossed everyone. Have a great Thursday!

Lean On Me

The more I talk to people and read people's stories successful and not so successful I see the support is a key factor. The people who have it seem to do great and go on to have allot of weight loss and have an easier time. The people who don't seem to struggle and "forget" to go to a fill or get to busy to plan a meal and just grab that milkshake because it feels so good going down. One of the step I have to accomplish before I go in for my surgery is to be set up in a support group. I think I should start looking for one now because as I can already tell it makes all the difference.

Gastric Seminar

Last night I attended the mandatory seminar which is the first step to about a 3 month process to getting my surgery. There were allot of people at the seminar that had it worse of than I did financially and with insurance steps than I do. I count my blessings that I am so lucky to have what I have. My next step isn't until the 31st of August when I go to a pysh evaluation to make sure I am doing this for all the right reasons. After that I have an appointment set up for the 2nd of September to meet my surgeon and go from there. I have about 10 steps in the process. Wish me luck and easy going. good night and sweet dreams :)

Four Steps Back :(

I had a ton of fun this weekend! On Saturday I made some wonderful cupcakes for a baby shower and did some not fun stuff like cleaning and grocery shopping but it had to be done. Then went to the baby shower and had allot of fun! It was a surprise and momma to be started to cry. It was so sweet :) we played some games which involved toilet paper, eggs, and getting baby food peas shoved up my noes. If fact I think I was still blowing some out last night but I could be mistaken. After we joined all the hubby's back at my house and we hung out ate and had a few drinks till about midnight and crashed. When I say we ate I mean we ate! My husband alone cooked chicken, burger, hot dogs and beans with weenies. Another couple brought a huge pan of pancit (which is sssoooo yummy!), Another couple brought a huge pan full of some kind of pasta with ham and cheese and mayo (which i didn't eat because it honestly looked rancid) then on top of that there was ribs, two layer tres leches cake, cupcakes, strawberries with chocolate dip, chips and dip, zucchini bread! All for eleven adults and two kids to eat it all. I did my best and ate a very very very small breakfast/lunch earlier in the day of only a yogurt so I could have some good food later and I did. I had a little of almost everything including a couple of cranberry and rum drinks. It was a fun night! On Sunday we got up and went to breakfast because my dear ol' hubby had a nice little hang over from, well hanging with the guys. Nothing cure's a hangover better then a greasy breakfast from Denny's so that's what we got. After that it was off to the Renaissance Faire! That was allot of fun and the hubby had never been to one so that was cool too. We spent about two and a half hours walking around the grounds looking at everything and of course everyone, but it was to hot and the hubs to hungover still to make a day of it so we went home. I was able to get a nice little garland crown that I wore for a little while that is just so pretty. Maybe when he is not so hung over we can go back and do more.

Morale of the weekend though is that I might have had fun but I ate like a fool and gained four freaking pounds!!!!

So Tired

Yesterday my husband had a command picinic. (company picinic for the non-navy folk) It was alot of fun actually but really warm. There was allot of really awesome looking food there that I wanted to eat the crap out of! but I only had a brat, watermellon, a small amount of mac and cheese, a small box mix brownie and some cheese and crackers. Plus allot of diet soda! I must admit I grabbed a piece of what looked like amazing fried chicken but gave it to my husband because, well skinny is going to feel way better then anything is going to taste right now. My venture into the food world tonight goes into a forbidden food for myself that I think I might just skip dinner to have. I am making cup cakes with a blended almond ed paste filled with fresh strawberries topped with a triple chocolate chip Cinnamon icing and decorated with another strawberry! Sounds fantastic right? Right. That's why I might just skip dinner to have one. I am making them for a baby shower I also made a diaper cake and little baby bottle filled with candie to match for a friend of mine. I have posted a pic for you to see what the diaper cake look like. Also if you don't know a diaper cake is a three tired cake made out of disposable baby diapers. While all the women do the all the men will be at my house hanging out drinking a few beers and probally playing poker and having a good time in there own right while we sniff fake baby poop...lol have a good weekend :)

Can't Believe My Eyes!

I got on the scale this morning and to my surprise saw that I was 332lbs!!! I love myself today! I haven't said that in a while but it's true today! Total I have lost 18lbs and hit my first goal! That 10lb mark. I know from experience that getting past that first 10lbs. is the hardest. Also that keeping the first 10lbs off is really hard let alone losing more once you get it off.

I had a cool moment that might not be rated a cool moment for every one ,but here it goes. When I wash my jeans then wear them again for the first time they are always tight but this last time they were not tight! they fit perfect. It gave me my first wow moment of this journey and I smiled so big I thought my husband was going to commit me for insanity.

Approval!!!!

I know two post in one day! Well I just got off the phone with my insurance company and I have been approved for the surgery! I have to call for an appointment with my general surgeon and see how things go from there! this went fast and I am so happy!!

p.s. OK so quick update I called and and was enrolled in the class I have to attend before talking to the surgeon. The class is on Monday night at 7pm. The hubby is going with because he has lots of things he wants to ask of course because he is being supportive and stuff this time around. It's so awesome it's at night to so Hubby or myself don't have to take time off of work to go! YaY!

Jerry

So I told you already that i tried out for the Biggest Loser and didn't get a call back, but while I was there I got to meet allot of the preaveous season contestants!! Including Jerry!! I love Jerry because if he can go on TV and lose all that weight at his age the all natural way I can definatly do it with an assist. He let me get a picture with him too so I thought I would share it with you.

Banding Appointment

So yesterday was my appointment I was looking forward to for a about a week and a half. I walked in and got weighed on the doctor's scale at 338lbs although my scale today put me at 334lbs which I like a whole lot better :) I told her how I didn't really have a ton of support last time around and this time I did and how I have worked through allot of issues that should have been addressed a long time ago that weren't and she said that I didn't have six months that she wanted me to get this surgery done as soon as I could. That sounds great to me! I love her enthusiasm about this. It makes me feel like I'm making a great decision. Normally any kind of military provider is just whatever and doesn't listen but this one is just fabulous and i have to say she is given two thumbs up by me! So now I have to wait till Thursday to give my insurance a call to see if the referral went through and go to the next step. Very exciting! I just took that first step to ridding a roller coaster with my husband again next summer!

Not So Work Out

So my hour and a half of running around the house sweating and red face cleaning the house I calculated out the calories that it burned and it came out to be 686 calories! So ladies why not clean the house burn those calories!

Body Aches

My body hurts, not my whole body my butt and my thighs. I'm not really sure why though. Maybe it has to do with my two day after work out theory. Do you want to here it? Of course you do. Well my theory goes as this...you hurt a little the day after you work out but you still don't work out again in two days your muscles will hurt even worse. I am at that stage right now. I know I am really out of shape when a simple hour long walk can do me in two days later and give me that sore feeling like I just worked out on the elliptical for forty minutes when I was thin like five years ago. :( So when my kitchen is clean I love to cook and experiment with new recipes but unfortunately I never know how many calories any of them are and it frustrates me. especially now when I'm counting every calorie that goes into my mouth! So I was browsing this wonderful world wide web and found this awesome website and thought I would share it with you my very first follower!!! Yay and welcome to this crazy world of me! This site lets you enter in the recipe and approximately how many serving you can get out of it and then it calculates how many calories per serving it is. I LOVE IT!!! It's fabulous!

People Around Me

So many people around me are experiencing monumental changes in there lives right now. Two couples that my husband and I know just got engaged, one couple is getting a divorce, another is a couple of weeks of from having a second child and yet another is in the process of trying to have there first! I think we are the only ones that we know that are truly "standing still". I have no issues with it but it's just a word-wind of activity and I think because we have been married for five years everyone else just expects us to get in on the action. "When are you guys going to have a baby?" We will have a baby when we are good and ready! Why does every think it is there right to ask our business. If I want you to know I will tell you. There is allot more to having a baby then just waking up one morning and saying hey we're married lets pop one out. If that was the case I think I would have two or three by now. Plus with myself being in the 44% for body fat it's not really healthy to be pregnant right now. Once I get my Lap Band and get this weight off. Then my husband and myself will probbally talk about it. I know i would love to be a mother but why be irresponsible and put an innocent child and myself at risk for no reason.

Lap Band Appointment

Next Monday afternoon I have my first Lap Band appointment. I went through this process before about a year and a half before but was to nervous and didn't have the full support of my husband behind me to go into a procedure like this. So now we are going for round two. The process goes like this: A physical exam, psychological exam and 6 months of doctor monitored weight loss. After all that I go in for surgery and hopefully lose a ton of weight! This time I have the support of my husband and different outlook on the surgery. Wish me luck!!!

My Prayer For The Daily Struggle

I love food. I mean come on that's why I got to this point in the first place. This weight didn't get here by me starving myself. Pudding, pizza, mashed potatoes and ice cream. That stuff is so amazing! Even better my favorite sandwich in the whole world is an everything bagel with chive cream cheese, add Cheddar cheese and turkey on it and yummy!!! Can you say fatty with a capitol F. I need to put an end to my love affair with food! but god it's so hard to break up with the better half of it. I mean when the respectable half is full of lettuce and broccoli. I am down on my knees... please give me the strength to choose carrots over chips, the courage to munch celery over chocolate and good sense to know when to it's time to drink diet instead of fully loaded. Amen.

My Tools

So I'm trying to lose weight, but you ask "what are you doing to help yourself?" First thing I am using is my IPod. I have an app called Lose It. It helps me track my calories and write down my food the lazy way. It calculates it all out for me and that will help me from being to lazy to do it all my self. I have an elliptical in my house that I'm going to sweat my butt of on as much as possible along with a husband to kick my butt into gear. Then I have this site to keep me on track. On top of all of that I am going to talk to my doctor about being approved for a Lap Band. Before you go well that's cheating know that I have never had great success on my own. In order to get a Lab Band put in place you do have to go through a physical and psychological exam along with 6 months of doctor monitored weight loss. So getting to the point of having a Lap Band is a long process in itself. So this blog will also follow the steps to get to the surgery and beyond.

Today's a Great Day for Change!

Today is my first workday after The Biggest Loser auditions this past weekend. My husband and myself sat outside in the pouring rain for four hours huddled under umbrellas swapping out sitting in a camping chair. He was such a trooper for going with me because he wasn't even aloud to be in the building when the line finally started moving. So anyway the auditions are over and no call back was gotten but I'm making a video and submitting that but I'm not holding my hopes to high. That is what brings my here! Even if i don't make it on the show I can still be a Biggest Loser! I will just do it my own way and get to that goal of being healthy and skinny. I have a loving husband who is planning on helping me the whole way and an elliptical sitting in my spare bedroom just begging to be used! So stay tuned and see what happens. I will try to post every other day and I will weight in every Monday. So keep an eye on that tracker at the top of the page! Here We GO!!!